My Amazing Invention

Okay, so FIRST, so I'm not negligent, I have to throw out a HUGE Happy Birthday to Leanne!  She is fellow Burrower and has been my VERY most reliable beta reader ever since the beginning.  I am posting otters and hedgehogs and stuff over at Burrowers, Books and Balderdash in her honor...

And now back to my brilliance... erm.

Okay, so it hasn't been invented, but it's a FABULOUS idea, and if one of YOU know how to invent it and then share the money from it, that would be EXCELLENT!

So do you want to know what it is? Well I'll tell you in a minute, but first I need a brief digression to tell you where it came from!!!


So this weekend I decided to do a little organizing. I know, scary, right? But one of the things I organized, because I'm pretty sure SOMEWHERE I have written a piece of something that I felt compelled to write ANOTHER part of... so I was putting these pieces of paper with 'book ideas' in a spreadsheet, and I found this thing that I have NO CLUE what the book I intended was meant to be, but MAN, for a product it's AMAZING!

*cough *

So here goes the clip that holds the idea...

Machu Picchu, Peru

It started with an assignment for the fitness magazine I was writing for. I was to go to GenWorld and test the new Virtual Elliptical, a machine that allowed the exerciser to experience the halls of Greece, the shores of the Pacific, the hike to Machu Picchu, all from the safety (and climate control) of a high-end gym. A person could even travel back in time and jog next to the Berlin wall, or traverse the outskirts of famous battles. I'd been lucky to get the assignment.

I arrived at GenWorld and first received a brief tour of their concept room and had an orientation to the machine and software.

“If you see a turn you want to take, you can take it. An attractive jogger you'd like to follow? Be my guest, but you have to keep up with them unless you call out for them to slow down.”

He was teasing me. I know he didn't expect me to run somebody down while I was here on assignment. And then it registered. “I can talk to people?”

“Of course you can. Fully visually and auditorially interactive, though to change directions, you need the lever, as your feet are on the set, rotating platforms of the elliptical machine. Resistance though, will change as you climb or go down... it even mimics sand. We tried to make it as realistic as possible.”

They have this microscreen version (NOT the same)

“And the music?”

“Works like an iPod. In fact you can plug your own iPod in, or we can select the music appropriate to the location. To talk to people, you need to turn it down, just like when you are wearing headphones.”

It sounded like a dream device. I climbed on, put on the headset that was far less cumbersome than I'd imagined, and began the machine.


****
Okay, that's where I'm leaving the writing clip. I don't share anything from first draft very often, but all I was really trying to get across was the set-up... I imagine the plot meant to have... somebody USE the system to hide a clue and solve some international drama or something, but all I have is the scene...

But imagine this, too: as authors, we could collaborate with our BOOK settings, so people could exercise in the midst of the world our book takes place in. Wouldn't that rock?

You could run the walls of the Red Keep

Or the streets of Diagon Alley

Or run from orcs... seems pretty motivating to me...

Be sure and email me if you decide to execute this as a real product. You totally need my twisted mind involved.

You have any inventions lately?

Nakedness Disrobed

My friend Marian shared a horoscope (of mine) with me this week and it struck me it was awfully darned accurate. The link is gone, as a new one goes up each day, but the gist of it is I am a shameless attention whore and insecurity is the reason. I DID copy the punchline:

On the other hand, if you're attracting attention, even negative attention, maybe you're already winning. It depends on what you're trying to achieve. There's no bad publicity, in some worlds.

So I thought maybe it was time for one of those confessions I'm supposed to be doing around here.

It's true. I'm a shameless attention whore and insecurity is the reason. Lemme e'splain...

My Pre-Online Life

See... I'm shy and awkward, right? I mean I was in my mid-20s before I learned boys were people, so it is worse in mixed company, but I am PAINFULLY bad at small talk. Now with my close friends I was always pretty good at just being silly—silly broke the tension--helped me contribute, even if I had no clue what to say. And I think in late high school I realized that silly went over well with people I wasn't quite as close to, too.

Man, in college I WORKED IT. Because I had LEARNED SOMETHING. The risk of being laughed at is not NEARLY AS SCARY if you are doing something FUNNY. In fact... if you are doing something funny, they are SUPPOSED to laugh at you.

I mean sure, I still had yearnings to be dark and mysterious... sexy... desirable. But it really wasn't happening.

I grew to accept this as ME in my late 20s. I worked with a friend who was just as goofy and he and I used to bounce off each other until we were laughing so hard we were crying.... it was about the time I became a mom, too, so silliness and kids are a good pairing. Why NOT embrace it?

Yes, this is the kind of thing we observed...

Enter the Online Stuff

My first forays online were related to Harry Potter. In fact for a couple YEARS I was really only online in that capacity. The variety of people was big, and I made friends of all sorts, but the tightest friendships were those where a couple people could bounce off each other in sublime silliness—have it build, get the delightful surprises. By the time I was ready for Facebook in 2007, I had honed my ability with the quip. It just felt natural.

I am NOT the first naked writer

Enter my Writing Career

Such as it is... so I was being a goofball online with friends. No harm, no foul. Right? But what the heck was I supposed to do with a BLOG to promote a BOOK and the idea of me as a WRITER? (A public figure? Me? Eeek GADS—do you KNOW the skeletons I have in my closet?) Oh, sure, I'll be all professional, I thought... for about five minutes.

Because it came back to shy awkward me and how well I talk to people if I try to limit the range of the conversation... it stresses me out and shuts me down. Why NOT fall back on all that goofiness stuff?

I mean... who DOESN'T want to be naked all the time?

Because that way if I'm laughed at... at least that's what I was going for.

Erm... and when I looked for the image up there, I googled 'naked writer'... guess who ELSE is there... Me.  So it's working... I guess.


Speaking of... recent nudity success: I am doing NaNoWriMo and my buddy Tonja, in Friday comments, said, “Hey, I listed you as a NaNo buddy. I figured that was you if naked world domination was listed as a hobby. :)”

See—no risk of your friends not finding you if you are always completely yourself and different from pretty much everybody else... But if anybody ELSE doing NaNoWriMo wants to find me, I am hartjohnson. Three more days!