Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Nine Crisco Twisters

On the Ninth day of Christmas, her Tartness gave to us...



Nine Crisco Twisters


Eight Solstice Wishes
Seven Success Secrets...
Six Writing Tasks
Five Sii---illy Songs
Four Cross-Dressed
Three Christmas Lists
Two Tartlet Minis
And a Boy Toy on a Hay Bale



Nine Crisco Twisters? Are you serious?

Well... No and Yes...

Nine would be a lot of Crisco Twisters, if you want my honest opinion on the matter. Even on a good day I've probably only got a dozen friends willing to play... it IS messy (picture notwithstanding, we typically have not worn this many clothes, so typically there is also a shower involved, or a hot tub), after all, and twelve people easily fits on three boards—two if you're really GOOD friends.

And actually, I think we always used margarine, but that was more because Crisco seems to be something I only have on hand when I know I am going to be baking something that uses it... not that as an adult I use margarine... switched to butter years ago... and Crisco DOES spread on the board better... but I digress...


Nine Crisco Twisters? Are you serious?

Well Yes and No...Nine may be a lot of Crisco Twister games to have around, but it DOES seem like a reasonable goal for the number of nefarious use products one ought to have around at any given time... Some others on the list...


Hot wheels (frozen): These run ever so nicely over the hills and dales of your favorite playmate... though watch it if said playmate is hairy—chest hair in particular, is averse to those hot wheel wheels and tend to make those burly guys scream like girly men.

You should always have a set in your freezer...

Kiddy pool: Preferably with strong enough sides that it can contain pudding or jello for a nice wrestling match.

Knitted Hand cuffs: Though the fur variety hold better, and the plain old metal ones are good if you've got a mean streak... silk scarf will do in a pinch... still... just OWNING knitted hand cuffs shows a certain twist of mind that just SCREAMS tart...

Dress up clothes: Oh, I know.... you SAY they are for future Halloweens, but that eye patch is sexy on any given Thursday, if you ask me.


Whip: because how else are you going to make them dance like you like? I mean seriously?

Food stuffs, preferably creamy in texture: chocolate, whipped cream, pudding, honey, frosting... brightly colored is good... put it on as war paint before you begin...

Bouncy Ball: (the big exercise kind)--if you can't see the use of this, you're just not trying hard enough...


IMAGINATION. No limits my friends... not a one...


And before you tell me Santa is going to put me on the naughty list, here is my theory... you know how in the game of Hearts you try to AVOID taking hearts, but if you take ALL the hearts then you Shoot the Moon and win the hand? I figure Santa's naughty list works just about that way... if you are a little naughty, it counts against you, but if you are TOTALLY naughty, then in comes back around and you win and get to be considered nice again...

So this is just the Tart, Shootin' the Moon...

3 comments:

Elizabeth Spann Craig said...

I've never thought of Hearts that way! It sounds like the perfect justification to me. ;)

Elizabeth
Mystery Writing is Murder

Jan Morrison said...

I'm with Elizabeth - I like your math - it's weird but it works. Going to try the crisco thing though too wet here right now.

Watery Tart said...

Thank you ladies! Now I just need a campaign manager to make this the NEW math!