Thursday, December 3, 2009

Naked Nudge

I had a more substantial post planned today… well, when I say planned, I mean I’d picked a topic… but then I realized… IT’S THURSDAY!!!! And you know what Thursday is!

So though there are already nudists among you, I felt my best use of time would be in providing you with some of the arguments for Nudity.

Reasons to be a Nudist

Freedom of Nudity Category
A little breeze around ones privates leaves us feeling FRESH!
You will never again catch your skirt on the wheel of your chair.
No embarrassing dresses tucked into the tights after a trip to the bathroom.
Easier to be one with the elements.
Nobody will bum you for change.
Try skinny dipping… Nothing better.

Evils of Clothing Category

Clothing is itchy
Clothing is binding
Clothing costs MONEY
Clothing has to be WASHED (oh sure, so does skin, but you do that even with clothes)
If you wear an item of clothes it has to be MATCHED to other items! (what a hassle)
You’ll never again suffer people mocking your clothes!
Clothing has become a cog in the capitalist consumerism agenda—REBEL!

Superior Friends Category
Naked people are nicer.
Nudists don’t try to one-up each other in material ways.
Up-tightism is nearly unheard of among nudists.
It’s really hard to be mean when you’re naked, so it almost never happens.

General Category
It really only bothers uptight people, and they are better off bothered anyway.
They’re taking over the world anyway. Don’t you want to be perceived as a LEADER?
What could be more green?! [<-Interrobang]
It’s the END of judging a book by its cover.

Excuses to Offer to Others
“My clothes got wet, so I had to hang them to dry.”
“I ran out of clean laundry.”
“My dog ate my clothing.”
“I’m trying to help you relax. This way you don’t have to IMAGINE me naked.”
“With the pay freeze, I decided this was the best way to cut back.”
“They were RIGHT! Idiots CAN’T see them!”
“They’re just invisible.” “Did you miss the nudist day memo?”
“Come on! All the cool kids are doing it!”

Now if you’ll excuse me… I have detention…


Jan Morrison said...

OK - I know tomorrow is Friday but perhaps in Canada, Friday is the naked day. So I'll meet my Babes Club who are coming out to discuss money (a study group around the fabulous book Your Money or Your Life) because we are all neurotic in different ways around dough. If I greet them naked they'll relax and we'll really get down to it. We've all seen each other naked anyway. Do I have to sit on my couch though?
Snail trails.

Chary Johnson said...

This was wonderfully hilarious. I tweeted it and posted it on my Facebook.

Watery Tart said...

Oh, Jan-money talk is the PERFECT time to be naked--definitely takes the stress out of that most stressful of topics...

*snort* Maybe find a nice soft washable blanket for the couch...

Chary-thanks hon!