Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Slut Love

I figured TMI Tuesday falling on Valentine’s Day was a sign I ought to talk a little bit about my philosophy on love, sex, relationships, and values. So you’ve gotten a reprieve from Jungle Rot… You may want to hold off on rejoicing just yet though.



All That Purity Nonsense

I know there are a lot of people clinging to those Puritan values and all, and if you’re one of them, more power to you… which is to say, more to go around for the rest of us, eh?

I am not quite sure where my feminist leanings got their first big fuel burst, but it was well before I was political, and before my religious leanings got an overhaul from their Presbyterian roots. Basically I figured if BOYS are allowed to admit they like this stuff, what is wrong with GIRLS admitting it?

Now I ‘get’ the ‘save it so I have something to give my spouse’ thing on some level. But there is a conflict here… I don’t think anybody should wait until age 30 to become sexually active, or you end up stunted on that front (IMHO), but I ALSO don’t think people should be making such an important decision as who to spend FOREVER with until about that time. And I think the consequences of becoming sexually active pre-marriage are a lot less severe than marrying in the late teens or early 20s. People that age have no business making that kind of decision.

*cough*

And don’t you know… I had a boy or two in my past where things got… you know… intense… the first time I met them… and later they would act as if somehow I’D done something wrong. HELLO. I was not the only one there. Why do these goons think THEY get a pass, but I don’t? That definitely fueled that inner feminist and my belief that what is good for the gander is great for the goose. (even goosing)


Manipulation versus Honesty

See, the OTHER thing that has always really bothered me is the simultaneous attempt to woo and hold at bay of a potential lover. A person who WANTS intimacy but pretends not to because they are holding out for a long-term offer is just dishonest in my opinion. And I hold the value of HONESTY far above some silly notion of ‘virtue’. In fact the virtues I care about ARE honesty and integrity. NOT chastity.


Now I don’t mean to disrespect anybody who has made different choices or whose values line up differently. I’m just saying it isn’t in me to pretend I agree. I think that is what we all need to do—be honest with ourselves about what is important and why, and try to live that way.



Sluts are NICE

You know... people who really LIKE everyone, even if they are also willing to sleep with everyone, are really more fun to hang out with than uptight people. I mean I GET that some people are nice withOUT the slutty thing going, but I haven't met many self-righteous people who are all that nice. They are too busy judging everyone else for not living by their standard. Live and let live, I say. So long as people aren't intentionally hurting each other.


Yeah, I’d rather live with aspersions of ‘slut’, ‘tramp’, or ‘tart’, than 'proper', 'classy', or ‘tease’. (though my value of not hurting people DOES mean monogamy… so anymore, this is all just in theory).


So there you have it. More than you ever wanted to know about me...

25 comments:

Cruella Collett said...

Yes. This! I couldn't agree more! And it makes me happy that I live in a country (and a part of that country) where these things aren't as important. At least I haven't encountered the puritans yet...

Ted Cross said...

I agree with everything you said there. I'm so tired of America's puritanical streak.

Old Kitty said...

Let's get NAKED! Cures all ails...!
:-)

Take care
x

vic caswell (aspiring-x) said...

happy vd!

can't say i agree with you (being happily married since nineteen) but i can understand and respect your opinions!

Jan Morrison said...

I love to embrace my inner (and outer) slut. Never had a problem with it. Not as a mother, grandmother or therapist. It used to mean a messy housekeeper, a title I'm also quick to slap on myself. If whoever is in charge around here (and for my money it is no one) doesn't like sex they should have made us like some plants - able to self-polinate. Yikes.

Hart Johnson said...

Mari-yes, very good to be surrounded by like minds. The west coast was more like me this way.

Ted-yeah, I'm tired of it, too!

Jenny-ABSOLUTELY!

Vic--19, eh? I HAVE really seen it work, so that is WONDERFUL for you.

Jan-I can embrace THAT meaning, too! *giggles* And yes... and they shouldn't have made it so fun...

Dawn Ius said...

Love this post, tart...uh, Hart. Happy valentine's Day <3 xo

Patti said...

I completely agree. My parents don't. My inlaws don't. I'm rather certain my husband doesn't, although he at least has NOT criticized me for having a fair bit of slut in me.

I think that with the idea of "slut" also comes confidence, knowing what one does/doesn't enjoy, and really just a better understanding of oneself. The "sluts" I know are willing to stand up for themselves, the things they believe in, and the things they love. "Sluts" (at least those that aren't also college aged sorority girls) stand up for their values and for what matters. While I don't doubt that this makes a lot of people (read: men) uncomfortable, there is little more beautiful than people who are willing to be true to the things that truly matter to them.

L.G.Smith said...

You crack me up, you slutty little tart. :D

Happy Valentine's Day.

Marjorie said...

I so completely agree, Tami!

Stephen Tremp said...

Yeah, definitely more than what I want to know hahaha. I got some good laughs out of the pics though.

M. Bail said...

Of course, I have to agree. If the expectation is for women to be virginal, why not men, too? I don't know about the rest of you ladies, but if I were single (which I'm not...been with the same man - happily - for 26 years) and my man expected me to be virginal, I'd expect the same of him. Pure and untouched rather than all slutted up. But if he's been around then he has no right to expect anything different from me. No double standards.

And...Happy Valentine's Day!

Colene Murphy said...

Oh my. I love this. Yes I do. But I'm a slut, I suppose, so of course...I would love this. ^_^ But I'm also a "slut" who married at 20 and am very blessed and glad I did. But I think I may be the rare exception to that rule? Maybe? I hope. Either way, I'm of the belief that you should know what kind of cow you're buying before you tie yourself to that one cow, ya know? Who wants to marry the lame cow and only have lame burgers forever. Spicy, hot cow? Yes. Lame cow? No. (no offense to any lame cows out there.)

Lucy V Morgan said...

I love sluts. They are my people.

Praise the whored!

Hart Johnson said...

Thank you, Dawn!

Patti-I definitely agree that the sluts tend to be stronger and have more of their own opinions--love how you put that!

Thanks, LG!

*high fives Marjorie*

Stephen-yeah, not everyone agrees. Can you at least buy the no double standards thing?

M. Bail-exactly! And congrats on 26 years!

Colene *teehee* I am actually an advocate of LIVING together, as I think there are incompatibilities that even just sex can't uncover. And yes, I DO think it's possible to find the right person early... just not common.

Lucy *snort* Love the saying!

SP Sipal said...

I love your open, honest sincerity, Hart. And I've never liked a double standard...in anything. :-)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

No, the double standard isn't fair. And as a Christian, I understand why everyone should wait. (Before you ask, heck no, I'm not pure!)
And self-righteous people need to realize it's not their place to judge. (My wife and I call them holier-than-thous.)

LTM said...

That dumb double-standard was around when I was young, but I think it might be changing some, yes? It seems the whole "male slut" is becoming less desirable... but maybe that's just b/c of STDs. ;p I don't know. I've never been much of a slut, and I do think if certain things are overused they become less special... But I've known to slip up at times, and I'm not judgmental.

Happy V'day! Spice it up~ :D <3

Helena said...

Now there's a title that caught my attention. Double standards are everywhere, especially when it comes to sex, and I'm plenty sick and tired of them.

Cold As Heaven said...

I have a prettty relaxed attitude to this, can't see the problem with being a slut, or whatever you wanna name it. Maybe men and women are different in this respect, but I think love and desire are different things that may or may not coincide. Like a (female) friend of mine formulated it: "The groom would be happy to fuck the bridesmaid, but his love is only for the bride" >:)

Cold As Heaven

Sarah Ahiers said...

This. You win 5 internet points.

VR Barkowski said...

Huzzah to all of the above. Classy slut is not an oxymoron—there's nothing classier than a woman who knows what she wants (sexually or otherwise), is confident enough to go after it, and never, ever, ever resorts to games or manipulation. However, in my experience these are a rare breed.

And while I agree there is a double standard at play, it's often not a matter of male chauvinism, but women imposing judgment on other women. It's deplorable, really, how horrible women are to one another.

Liz said...

died in the wool (she said "wool") slut here, raises hand high!
scary moment: when we did the "how many partners have YOU had" with the spouse. and I won!
whatever. wouldn't trade my experience for the world!

Cool Black Hawk said...

why do y'all guys like to slut?
does it really matter to our next generation?

Lisa Golden said...

Love you, love this post. Now help me pick the lock on the chastity belt, will you?