Pity Party

I know it's supposed to be Fiesta Friday, but I'm just not in the mood. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. I suppose to be consistent, I would need to call this a Fiesta Triste---though that is 'sad party' not 'pity party' and I'm not sad so much as whiny.

You see, the last of my submitted manuscripts was rejected yesterday. (that makes 8)


Amy was really nice about it. She asked if I wanted to keep going or revise. I was hesitant on revising since I have two books to revise before I can get to it... which means even if everything goes smoothly, I won't get to START that revision until April. But she pointed out that if we go straight in, if it NEEDS revising, we have knocked that many more off our list.  So we are revising. Which is to say I am revising.

I hate waiting.

I hate revising.

I hate the fact I can't get it closer to right the first seven times. Or thirteen. Whatever the draft.



So what was wrong with it?

All a little vague. 'Didn't fall in love with it.' Will nobody love me?

I think, though, my problem is Helen. Helen is TIMID. And she is timid for good reason. She hasn't spoken to anyone in 60 years, what, with being dead and living in an abandoned building and all. And she was kept in medically unethical circumstances BEFORE she died. Abandoned by her father to 'the experts' such as they were. Sympathetic, yes. Helen is sympathetic in spades. But... I think she may be missing her spark.

In most of my books my MCs are feisty or snarky or sarcastic. There is humor to them which never felt appropriate for Helen. Her circumstances would not go with wit. She is scared.

But I think I normally rely on that humor—my voice has humor and if I can't fall on humor, I think I am a little short in my repertoire. I need to find Helen's spark. Which may or may not have any humor, but it certainly needs more than it has.

So there is a puzzle to solve. What IS Helen's spark. I think it rests in her back story... a little more history, trickled slowly so the reader gets a more horrible image of what her life was like. But also a... PRE story... something she HAD that she LOST (and so committed suicide) and through the story finds again. A sense of self she was robbed of through being institutionalized. In fact... maybe if I work it right, I can reveal the back story backward and the front story forward so Helen's sense of self is equal throughout, and building.

Now THAT sounds like a compelling read, yes? But I have my work cut out for me. So I am having a pity party.

I am ALSO setting page goals so I really can GET to this by April Fools. I have 500 pages to edit in 45 days. Though maybe that isn't right. I have 200 pages to rearrange then another pass reading to perfect THIS month. GADS! And then in March I will revise Chrysanthemum Campaign for betas.

Oh. And I got pass pages for Azalea Assault. *dies *

I have been assured though, that professionals are on that, too—independent editors. So I intend to do it more as a content read—make sure nothing changes meaning or something. This SHOULD afterall, be a typesetting read—we did the final edit in the fall.

Is publishing really this many steps? What have I got myself into? Remember me? Meh, close enough. THAT is me. But I don't want lower quality—one of my primary reasons for publishing traditionally—I just don't quite HAVE that attention to detail...

Okay, so I've rambled. You may feel sorry for me now.

Or not. Anybody else wanna throw in a whine?  Or some wine. I'm not picky.