Sunday, May 13, 2012

Motherly Ponderings



Totally me (they were rescued btw)
I sometimes feel like a bit of a fraud as a mom. I am not the selfless, put others ahead of me at all times person it seems mothers are known for. I sometimes joke that if it weren't for my husband, I would forget I HAD children.... which is of course a gross exaggeration. I'd never forget them. Just their appointments, commitments, assignments, events... My tunnel vision can be immense and my short term memory (or lack thereof) doesn't help in the slightest.

Thankfully I married someone much better at all these details. He is a nurturer, a caretaker, a worrier... by traditional definitions, HE is the mom. I am the play parent, the joke parent... the easygoing one you tell when you are worried about getting into trouble so the blow can be softened. It's in no way fair to the one who does most of the work and is stuck being the disciplinarian, but those are our personalities.

But today my REAL pondering is to give credit to MY mom, without whom, I wouldn't have had a strong enough personality to see the way things usually were and assert that it wasn't for me. She raised me wanting me to have choices. She urged me to get a good education so I COULD stay home, but I could have a good job, instead if I wanted—so I didn't have to be dependent on somebody else--because you never knew what would happen. Never mind that now it really TAKES two incomes... I managed—I've been my family's primary wage-earner ALWAYS. I like what I do and while I'm not making remotely GREAT money, it isn't bad. It is almost enough my husband doesn't need to work.

But she didn't just talk the talk.

Mom and I, not long before my dad died
She went back to college after my dad died because she wanted a strong skill set that would always help her have a reliable job. Now she got an accounting degree, and since then has said she wished she hadn't been QUITE as set on stability—I mean you can have an education that leads to a FUN skill set. But I think that is the greatest service she could have done as a mom--PROVE how important an education was to the options a person had. SHOW ME how hard work really paid off. I really admire my friends who are or have been students AFTER the family piece because I KNOW what dedication that takes.  She somehow managed to BOTH set a career in motion AND be a mom who put her child first. I'm not sure how she did it. She also kept things very clean and organized—something so far out of my skill set I don't even ASPIRE to it.

I guess we do what we have to. My dad died when I was little, so she HAD to do it all. But I don't think that makes it any less heroic. And on top of it, she instilled in me a (nearly obnoxiously) strong self-esteem and set of values to keep pursuing what I intend to do no matter what. Oh, sure... a bit of my father's sense of play hasn't hurt (I wouldn't be me without that), but I wouldn't be SUCCESSFUL without my mom's work ethic and the belief she instilled in me that I can do anything.

So THANKS, MOM! I love you!

This was 8 years ago, but the last 4 generation with my grandma

12 comments:

Siv Maria said...

What a lovely post, you are so lucky to have had a strong mothers support. I am sure you show many of those qualities to your children as well. Happy Mothers day!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You had a wonderful and strong mother! Excellent tribute and Happy Mother's Day Hart, even if you do forget the kids now and then.

Creepy Query Girl said...

You had a great mom and I love this tribute to her and how hard she worked! I'm lucky to have a pretty terrific mom too. Moms are da bom:) Happy mother's day!

Ted Cross said...

Nice tribute. I focus Mother's Day on my wife, since my mother and I don't have a relationship anymore.

Cold As Heaven said...

When I was a 3-yo kid, I was left behind at the post office, because my father had forgotten that I existed. After a while some people found me and brought me to the house where I lived >:)))

Cold As Heaven

mshatch said...

Your mom sounds awesome :)

Tracy said...

Hart,
What a great post and I love the photo of your family! Just great! and your words ring so true!

Gwen Gardner said...

Awww, such a sweet tribute to your mom. Happy Mother's Day to you AND your husband :)

Michael Offutt, Tebow Cult Initiate said...

Oh I'm so glad those ducks in the picture got rescued. How terrible of that mother duck to walk her babies across a grate.

Thanks for the mother's day post. I like peeking into other people's lives.

Old Kitty said...

What a great mum!! And you lovely tart are a most NAKED mum too! Yay!
p.s. glad the little ducklings are ok! Phew!
Take care
x

Jemi Fraser said...

Glad the duckies were okay!!!

Great pic - hope you and your mom both have a wonderful day!

Sheila Siler said...

Beautifully expressed!