Thursday, March 17, 2011

A Naked Limerick

So Happy Saint Patrick's Day fine Bloggie friends! Normally I sort of protest the day... I may be a bit Irish, but the day originated in persecution of people who refused to abandoned the old religions and convert to Christianity, so it's NOT St. Pat I sympathize with (I hate all persecution, no matter the sincerity of the intentions... just so I'm clear)

BUT, this is also a holiday of Stout Beer (WIN), Irish (WIN again!) and corned beef (so you can't win them all). And this Saint Patrick's Day Blogfest, hosted by Colene and Alexia's looked like a BLAST, so I decided to put my Tarty spin on it...

HA!  And I totally (late) just realized it was supposed to have 200ish words, so I counted... 196!)



To Wear Green

On a day when not wearing of green would seem rude
on a person for whom clothing does spoil the mood
What does one wear
when she'd rather go bare?
How can I still play, while I stay in the nude?

I could wear a crown adorning my head
Insist everyone always do what I said
Order everyone OUT
if they won't bring me STOUT
Though I hate to see all my friends quaking in dread.

I could polish my nails, on finger and toe
And make strange kitten growls to let everyone know
They should take off their pants
and then they should DANCE
Because what is a party without a good show?

Or I could wear bad-ass green shoes on my feeties
And carry a green whip for those who need beating
because they won't play
in spite of the day
There is beer to be drunk and stew to be eating!

But I think I will go with baubles for my ears
They pinch my erogenous zone, or that's what I hear
They make me feel happy
And perhaps a bit slappy
And if you get goosed, well it's just cuz you're near...


*giggles* So now you know how to wear green without getting sucked into those nasty clothes! This public service announcement has been brought to you by

NAKED TARTS UNITE!!! *snort*
(so now go check out the other entries!)

36 comments:

Laura said...

Great advice and will be sure to put it into play at some point today- just off to work (in an upmarket clothing boutique - your idea of hell?) so if you see something about a naked arrest in Devon, UK you know that it's ALL your fault :)
Fab start to the day, thanks!
Lx

Old Kitty said...

Off I go to pinch my erogenous zones with a great big pair of NAKED earrings, worn most NAKEDly!!! Yay!!

Take care
x

Al said...

Alas St Pats is all but over Downunder.

Have fun not wearing green!

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

Now to find those green earrings! :) Happy St. Pat's Day!

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Do I still have any green nail polish...? Actually, I have several green outfits, because I'm one of those weird people who looks good in green. I have to avoid white with the green though, otherwise with red hair I look like Christmas.

Hart Johnson said...

Laura-Ack! Yes, high end shopping sounds AWFUL!!! I not only hate clothes, I'm terribly cheap and a sort of reverse snob about CARING about things like that... But YAY for Naked in Devon!!!

Jenny *giggle* Yeah... I always liked big earrings... (even if they say size shouldn't matter) *snort*

Al-hope it was a good one!

Elizabeth-I think I actually have about 5 pairs--more if I count partially green pairs (my earring fetish has been around a long time...)

Diane-green is one of the better colors for me, too... I'd wear quite a bit of it... were I inclines to wear clothes... My mom is a red head, and I think green is her best color, too.

Tracy said...

I think you're allowed to enjoy the holiday in peace if you'd like. I mean, the original purpose of Halloween wasn't dress children up for fun and have them walk around their neighborhoods begging for candy. Whatever makes it work for us right?

I love your limericks..or are they Haiku's... I'm honestly out of my league here. But I would KILL to be able to wear an outfit accessorized by those shoes and that tiara!!

Mary Vaughn said...

I look realllly bad in green but no so great your way either. Maybe I'll hide out til it's over.
Great little ditty.

N. R. Williams said...

Funny post and poetic too. I didn't realize that St. Patrick's Day was started by oppression. A good reason to wear orange instead of green.
Nancy
N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium, Special .99 through April 30

Holly Ruggiero said...

Great advice and wonderful poem. Could I put a green streak in my hair? And I agree with the corned beef remark.

Carol Kilgore said...

Love it!
Happy St. Patrick's Day :)

Smackenicious said...

I'm wearing Green ... but being thrusday I should go naked .. what a dillemma ...
can't have the beer cause lame doctor sent me antibiotics for a week last monday (I glared at him, with all the hate I found in my heart!)

Colene Murphy said...

HA! You had me wheezing! Carry a whip for those who need beating?! LOVE it!! Thanks so much for playing along even with your St Patties reservations! (that is a really suck part) You have been counted!

Hart Johnson said...

Tracy-I think anymore that's true, and nobody NOW looks at the holiday that way... And thanks!

Mary-I bet there is a shade of green you can pull off! I have to go toward the teale end, myself...

NR-yeah, the driving the snakes out of Ireland is metaphor...

Holly-YES! green hair is an EXCELLENT solution!

Thank you Carol!

Ana-BOOOOO for no beer! And BOOOOO for clothes... definitely go for naked... and SWIMMING in the beer instead of drinking (the bubbles tickle and it's nice...

Colene- teehee--thanks! And it really IS a fun theme!

Mara Nash said...

Love the shoes and earrings! And I love your take on the blogfest. lol.

Donea Lee said...

Ah, dilemma solved! Thank you! :) I'd go with the baubles, too. And thanks for the limericks - what's St. Patty's Day without a good one, right?

Bish Denham said...

Oh that is just too funny!

Michael Di Gesu said...

Loved the limerick.

Nothing like a nice pair of shiny green earrings... Something to distract the viewer from your nakedness.

You are SUCH A TART! LOL

Michael

DCAllen said...

Lovely post, me lass!

RosieC said...

Oh, I should have expected nothing less, of course. This made me giggle this morning (afternoon?). Thanks, Hart! :)

Surviving the Journey of Life said...

I LOVE this post! Well done!

Gina said...

I would go with Naked + those sexy shoes! Great job : )

hsoister said...

Bad ass green shoes sound good.

Hart Johnson said...

Mara-I LOVE the look of those shoes, but think I'm past my high heel days... they are so MISERABLE!

Donea-yeah... really can't lose with ear baubles! teehee

Thank you, Bish!

Michael-hey, if they are uncomfortable, that is THEIR hang up! *snort*

Thank you, Chris!

Rosie--yeah... could hardly go serious on an alcoholiday... being me and all...

SJL-thank you!

Gina-I will let you take the shoes if you want... I love them, but I am definitely a comfort model...

Hsoister--they are badass, aren't they?

Susan Kane said...

Love the shoes, and the clever limericks. I think my erogenous ear lobes got hit when menopause swept through me. Nice thought, tho.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Any suggestions for those of us who don't want to lose man points?

Wild Child said...

snigger, love to have met the Watery Tart with her Naked World Domination!

More especially love the green baubles and poems. Have a great St. Paddy's Day!

Abby Minard said...

Ha! SO cute! Ooh, bad ass green shoes and a green whip! I'll take the crown too ;p

alexia said...

This is awesome! Whip wielding? Heck yeah!

Thanks for participating!

Pk Hrezo said...

Too cute! Very clever, you. I'd kill myself in those shoes. :)
Happy ST. Patty's Day!

Hart Johnson said...

Susan, don't tell me my earlobes will lose their sensitivity!!!

Alex, You could get a green tattoo? maybe wear a hat or a tie? Erm...probably you wouldn't wanna put on tassles for me?

Wild Child-glad you made your way over!

Abby-HA! A dominatrix! NICE!

Alexia-don't tell anyone, but I like to crack it more than I like to use it...

PK-yeah, especially after a couple stouts, eh? I'm not much for 6 inch heels, not half because they make me 6'5"

Jennie Bailey said...

Naked Tarts Unite INDEED! Love it. And I wish I had thought to wear green nail polish today. I got pinched far too much. That would have been the perfect solution!

Cheeseboy said...

That is the greatest limerick I have ever read. I especially like the naked part. I think we should all just go naked rather than wearing the green.

mybluescreen said...

I love this! Very tarty, I must say. And damn fun! :)

LTM said...

LOL! LOVE it! So you're in a towel, tiara, those heels, earrings and green nails. Divine~ :D <3

Melissa Sarno said...

Hilarious! and very creative. Even nudists need to know how to show their love for St. Paddy's day. And I love the idea of ordering people out if they don't bring me stout :-)