Friday, March 11, 2011

Fly On The Wall

These are real scenes and snippets of conversation you might have seen and heard at my house last night.

On the Box

Brief history: Cat gets in box all the time... ALL the time...

Thing 1: Cali's gunna kill you.
Tart: Peeks into living room
(Thing 2 is sitting in the box)
Tart: Stay there.
Thing 2: NO! You're going to take a picture!
Tart: Don't move!
Thing 2: No way!
Tart: Why not?
Thing 2: Because you wouldn't take me to Meijer.
Tart: Come with N. and I tonight. Now get in the box.
(as you can see, he cooperated)

On Dog Walking

Thing 1: Look at dad, he looks like a dufus,
Tart and Thing 2 *come to window and look out*
HWMNBNOTI is in front with the dog, ready for a walk.
Thing 1: Look at that hat.
(hat is knitted hat with ear flaps)
*HWMNBNOTI starts walking*
Joel *sits in front yard*
*HWMNBNOTI keeps walking*
Joel keeps sitting
Thing 1: Dad's clear down the block
Joel keeps sitting
*Tart and Thing 2 lean to look down street*
(HWMNBNOTI is out of site)
(Joel has walked clear to the neighbors front yard)
Thing 1: Why does dad keep going?
Tart: He needs to put Joel on a leash.
Thing 2: He tried that. You literally have to drag him. He just sits there.
Thing 1: Dad's still going.
(Joel is still sitting in front of neighbor's house)
Thing 1: Finally. Dad turned around.
(Joel sees this and turns back toward the house)
Thing 1: No wonder Joel's fat.

On Trip to Target

Thing 1: Can I drive?
Tart: yup *grabs keys and glasses * (I'm near sighted)
Thing 1 *reaches and grabs end of glasses *
Tart frowns
Thing 1: Oh, sorry. *grabs keys *
Thing 2: Shotgun!
Tart: Uh... no.
Thing 1: Where is the... erm...
Tart *shows Thing 1 the windshield wiper options*
*Thing 1 backs out*
Thing 2: Does it bother you that I don't feel safe?
Thing 1: No. Get used to it. When I get my license, I'll be the one driving you places.
Thing 2: So mom and dad can just sit at home
Tart *rolls eyes* *savors idea of not having to run errands*
(drive a couple blocks)
Thing 2 *does something obnoxious*
Tart: *Reprimands* Never distract your sister while she's driving.
Thing 2: What if I'm 40 and I've broken my leg and I'm screaming in pain. Can I do that?
Tart: No.
Thing 1: Silver one. (slug bug, that is)

At Meijer

Thing 1: Can I have a doughnut?
Thing 2: I brought money for a doughnut.
Tart: I'll buy you each a doughnut.
(we then meet as I come out of the booze aisle)
Tart: You can each pick a 2 liter pop—no caffeine (weekend starts tomorrow and I know we're out).
(Thing 1 picks red-pop—a delicacy unheard of on the west coast. Thing 2 picks Cream Soda)
Tart: You like Cream Soda?
Thing 1: Everybody in our family likes Cream Soda. (how did I not know this?)
Thing 2: Oh, oh oh oh... Can we get like 900 bags of jelly beans?
Thing 1: Yuck! There's only like one good flavor.
(Jelly bean debate ensues until....)
Things in unison: Oh oh oh oh oh... Can we get cream eggs?
Tart: One each. Get me one too.
(at check out)
Tart: *rushes to open check out * (woman behind has cart pushed into our space)
Thing 1: Way to not leave any room!
Tart *mortified* *scolds*
Thing 1 *mortified* I meant you! I was talking to you! (lady had moved her cart) Now I feel like a jerk!
(we walk out)
Thing 1: You know he has to run like that or his pants will fall down.
Tart: It's true.
Thing 2: What was that?
Tart: *explains to son about olden days when people pulled their pants up*

At Target

There is a kerfuffle walking in as Thing 2 is trying to squeeze between Thing 1 and I, claiming if he walks behind us, he has to step on our heels
(Thing 2 has gone to get iPod headphones. I am standing in front of dressing room waiting for Thing 1)
Thing 2 *finds me and approaches with strange side-stepping thing *
Tart: You're a strange child.
Thing 2 *singing* Cuz your friends don't dance and if they don't dance then they're... no friends of mine.
Tart *snort *
(Thing 1 comes out)
Tart: Men's section?

So none of that looks as amusing as it seemed at the time.  I laughed quite a bit, but my memory stinks... I suppose if we survive a trip to Target with all three of us and I come away laughing, I can call it a win.

Anyone find odd bonding moments with your kids lately?  And HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!


Boonie S said...

Fascinating post, although I did find it a little confusing at times. Glad you ended up winning.

I have very few bonding moments with my kids because we so rarely pass within transporter range of the home planet - nano nano nano....

Have a great weekend, Boonie

Old Kitty said...

I'm trying to work out what or who is: HWMNBNOTI.


Great to read all is NAKED in Tart World!! Yay!! Take care

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Dog's not dumb - he doesn't want to be seen with anyone in a knitted cap.

Carol Kilgore said...

Great post. "We Are Family" comes to mind :)

Go, Joel!!!

Hart Johnson said...

Boonie-I don't mean to be confusing!

Jenny-HWMNBMOTI is the spouse formerly known as Mr. Tart. It stands for He Who Must Not Be Mentioned On The Internet...

Alex *snort* I think it's more about being lazy, but good answer!

Carol-they are definitely mine.

ViolaNut said...

1. Cream soda FTW!
2. Cadbury cream eggs FTW!
3. We are totally setting Durwen's dance video to that song (errrm... slowly...).

That's all, really. ;-)

Holly Ruggiero said...

"Get in that box." LOL

Lisa said...

Oh, the torture of having a blogger mom. You cracked me up.

I am so fond of red pop that I am a fan of Big Red on Facebook. Mmmm. Red pop.

Laura said...

Man, that made me laugh! Joel nearly made me pee my pants... thanks, you've just started my weekend as I mean it to go on... giggling that is, not peeing myself!

Cold As Heaven said...

I'm in the same process of teaching Older Boy to drive. He doesn't seam to worry much about it. Seams like he's not in a hurry to get the license: "I get around wherever I want with my one-year bus pass"

Cold As Heaven

Hart Johnson said...

Leanne--knew you were on board with the cream eggs... did NOT know you were a cream soda fan, or that Durwen liked Men Without Hats *snort*

Holly *grins* We're all a little nuts here... and they've accepted that means me more than the rest of them...

Lisa-Yeah... daughter's boyfriend reads the blog... sometimes I have to watch it. I really love red pop with rum in is, but that might just be me.

Laura-YAY for giggling weekends! Joel is totally full of personality. That's for sure.

CaH-my daughter wasn't in a hurry until her friends started training. Now she is. Then, we are only a medium size city (though I suppose in Norwegian terms we are large) so our bus system isn't totally convenient--not like Portland, where you could get anywhere without too much trouble. Here, it is set up like a star, so you have to go in to downtown, then back out again--every destination except downtown is at least 2 buses.

Cold As Heaven said...

Our bus system has the same star pattern, but we live almost downtown (in a city of 150.000, which is BIG on our scale).

Seams like it's almost oposite with my boy. Why does he need a license when lots of his friends drive? Teens are strange >:)

Cold As Heaven

Lisa Potts said...

My son and I had a bonding moment in the doctor's waiting room the other day. A man walked in with a very odd looking hairpiece sitting slightly askew atop his Charlie Brown shaped head. We couldn't stop giggling.

RosieC said...

Haha! I love the abbreviation for Mr. Tart. :) You guys are pretty funny. I hope you have a great weekend, too!

Kal said...

Any post that includes a 'Men Without Hats' reference is up for post of the year. Those Canadian bastards are all right.