Waxing Responsibility

[This is a parenting blog, rather than my more typical writing one.]

Last night I was sitting in the bathtub writing and as often happens, my husband came in to annoy talk to me. Oh, wait... I started this story part way in.

FLASHBACK: My daughter is a swimmer—three water sports for our neighborhood high school (she attends a magnet with no sports, but the district lets her play with the big local), and she has been swimming competitively since she was 9. She's good. She isn't always fastest, but her stroke is strong and sure (and beautiful, but never mind). So a few years back I got a wild hair, that 'eventually' she should be a life guard in the summers. Her academics are a bit of a struggle, and she already DOES sports during the school year, so money would have to be earned summers, rather than a year round job... THIS is a job only available summers, so one of the rare ones that only having summer availability is not a disadvantage... brilliant, right? She bought in (though she really wants to be a camp counselor—but I figure camp counselors would have an advantage if they were a licensed life guard, too—HELLO? LAKE!)  Well eventually is here... next summer she can get a PAYING job.

So I emailed the Red Cross this week to find out their class times. One of them is the week BEFORE high school students are out. Are you freaking serious? Why would you DO THAT? I suppose it is most compatible with pools needing life guards from day one, but it still annoys the poo outa me. The OTHER is two weeks of evenings for FOUR HOURS A NIGHT. Six to ten for two weeks. Well, I wasn't surprised she didn't find that appealing—Hell, I didn't find it appealing. ODDLY, the grouchy hubby thought it was FINE, and was annoyed she wasn't willing, and HE said he'd give her the rides. Well rides had been my concern—normally these wild hairs that are mine, I am responsible for—completely. I didn't want to drive the 15 miles to Ypsilanti every night to pick her up, smack in the middle of my writing time (I can be selfish that way, but in my defense, I also WORK the next morning, and like the WIND DOWN to be my last thing). [/End FLASH BACK]


So I'm in the tub... and the hubby says, “ I think if she isn't willing to take that class, we should make her do some volunteering. I jump on it. She is 15. She can't have a REAL job, but she is certainly old enough to learn part of her time should be geared at productive activity. I jump on board. “Something productive, anyway—the class, volunteer, or put some effort into finding and then doing some babysitting. I agree. (Hubby and I are rarely on the same page, but we were EXACTLY there on this matter—15 is old enough to be productive.)

NEXT DIGRESSION: *cough* So last night Natalie went with her boyfriend to a place called the Neutral Zone—a local teen place where they have music sometimes—local teen bands—it is actually pretty cool—nobody over 18 is allowed in as a patron—I think it is 13 -18, but we only let her go once or twice in big groups of girls before she was in high school. Then they went to his house for a little while to finish watching a movie—she was supposed to come home at 11.

Well wouldn't you know, about 10:45, tornado sirens began. I have a confession—these used to scare the bejeezus outa me, but now I sorta love this big weather stuff. Out west... Portland, rumored for all it's rain.... drizzles and is gray like nobody's business, but they don't KNOW rain like it can rain here. The sky opens up and DUMPS—ten feet from the garage to the car and you look like you've been submerged. And... I like rain. I like weather that makes we, the human race, seem small and insignificant. I can be freaky that way. It's how I like my geography too—oceans and mountains—real mountains, not the poser mountains they have east of the Rockies. [/end DIGRESSION]


So the boyfriend lives out of town a little ways and my daughter was worried about him driving in the mess... she got first a curfew extension (you can wait until after the sirens stop:  11:15) but then I agreed to pick her up instead of making him go out in his compact car.

So on the way home, after the 'Did you have fun? How was it? What did you do?' conversation, I broached the subject.

I could not BELIEVE how indignant she could be over what seemed to ME a very reasonable requirement. “Something productive, your choice—class, work, volunteer.'

“Mom it's my last summer to spend with my friends.” (Did you SEE my eyes roll--what, are you DYING?)

“Mom, I'm just a kid!” (okay, you may want to remember THAT when you are asking for greater privileges)

“Well I'll do that class, but only if you keep up my school year allowance.” (she gets $20 a week because her school doesn't have 'lunch' so part of it is to eat lunch downtown--might have considered this one though, presented as a REQUEST rather than a demand)

“You can't make me!” (HOLY CRAP, are KIDDING ME? “It's a good thing DAD didn't hear that answer or you'd be in your ROOM all summer!”)


I guess I'm a little baffled. When I was her age, I was at my third summer (maybe fourth) of understanding I needed to earn some spending money on my OWN--babysitting 40 hours weeks--yeas EVERY DAY for MONTHS—the handouts would ONLY be for specific events, NOT 'just fun'. I got a small allowance ($5 a week in high school, but that ALSO covered my lunch). I liked the independence of earning my own money.

But my daughter has never been independent like I was, and she has always seemed significantly more entitled. I don't know where that comes from--we are relatively poor, and DON'T just hand her money.  My son has done work for neighbors--most recently hauling wood for 3 hours to earn $25.  Daughter thought he got a raw deal--that her time was worth more than that.  Hello, he has $25 he didn't have three hours ago, and that means NOTHING?

So I've been lecturing her to marry a millionaire, because clearly she doesn't have the work ethic to make it on her own.  But seriously--am I insane?  Isn't this a completely reasonable requirement?  Ah well... Maybe the YMCA will have the class at a reasonable time and the problem will be solve, but I think we definitely need to work out some way for her to understand life isn't a free ride.