Warning to religiously rigid and happy people. This may not be for you.
Strike that. Life Lessons suck the big wobbly sausage [/gratuitous Python reference]
I remember in my religiously curious phase, before I decided that all of them that had stuck around for any length of time had some merit, and therefore, none of them took precedence, which again preceded figuring out what made sense to me personally… but I digress… in my religiously curious phase I read that Buddhists, because of the belief in reincarnation, believed before we were born we picked the life lessons we would learn.
You know… until this point, I had thought that the Buddhists had it all going on. They were about compassion and tolerance--ideas that really still seem the height of spirituality to me. I was all over it. But you know what? I’ve learned some life lessons I’d just prefer not to know. I have some wisdom I would gladly trade over to ignorance on the matters…
As much as I’d like Shiva to dance upon ignorance, I’d prefer to have some ignorance in certain domains.
But if you gotta know, you gotta know… sort of. Except I didn’t have to know… until I knew… now I’m stuck knowing.
I think what I want is for everybody else to behave rationally and be enlightened, and allow me to be ignorant. I don’t want to know that some people, no matter how well intentioned, are too dysfunctional to interact with (you knew we’d get to my mother, didn’t you?) I don’t want to know the lengths an addict will go to, even if they love you. I don’t want to know know the consequences of self-destructive behavior or the feeling that the only way to save a friend’s life is to have them arrested. I want it to go away.
But I do know.
Our pain is our strength.
I’ve been writing a lot lately, but it is raw, painful, mother tension. Oddly, CONFLUENCE has some maternal tension, and things weren’t even that tense then… But they are now, and so I write.
The current stuff will probably need years of cardboard box therapy before I am ready to revise it, but it is real. And what is wisdom worth, if we can’t share it.
Maybe some of you can be wise without plotting straight jackets for your mothers. I can only hope.
(The trolls were at St. Mungo’s Museum of Religion in Glasgow. It tickled me to see them in that setting, so I include them here…)
You know… until this point, I had thought that the Buddhists had it all going on. They were about compassion and tolerance--ideas that really still seem the height of spirituality to me. I was all over it. But you know what? I’ve learned some life lessons I’d just prefer not to know. I have some wisdom I would gladly trade over to ignorance on the matters…
As much as I’d like Shiva to dance upon ignorance, I’d prefer to have some ignorance in certain domains.
But if you gotta know, you gotta know… sort of. Except I didn’t have to know… until I knew… now I’m stuck knowing.
I think what I want is for everybody else to behave rationally and be enlightened, and allow me to be ignorant. I don’t want to know that some people, no matter how well intentioned, are too dysfunctional to interact with (you knew we’d get to my mother, didn’t you?) I don’t want to know the lengths an addict will go to, even if they love you. I don’t want to know know the consequences of self-destructive behavior or the feeling that the only way to save a friend’s life is to have them arrested. I want it to go away.
But I do know.
Our pain is our strength.
I’ve been writing a lot lately, but it is raw, painful, mother tension. Oddly, CONFLUENCE has some maternal tension, and things weren’t even that tense then… But they are now, and so I write.
The current stuff will probably need years of cardboard box therapy before I am ready to revise it, but it is real. And what is wisdom worth, if we can’t share it.
Maybe some of you can be wise without plotting straight jackets for your mothers. I can only hope.
(The trolls were at St. Mungo’s Museum of Religion in Glasgow. It tickled me to see them in that setting, so I include them here…)
2 comments:
This post is right up my alley with all the religious talk. You might know I was raised learning about world religions as opposed to just one. If you didn't now you do. I too wish I was ignorant of some things. You might also know my older brother was addicted to Meth for about 5 years. He went to prison and all that. Then his son died who I'd taken care of for 3 months while his parents were unable. Yeah I wish I were completely ignorant of what all that feels like. I think it all must have aged me a good 10 years. Yeah, I can definately relate to this entry.
*hugs Marjorie* While life lessons may suck, they certainly can bond people, eh? I didn't know about your brother, though I know Meth is about the worst, where addiction is concerned, so I'm sure it was AWFUL--and I'm so sorry about your nephew.
Definitely life lessons no sane person would choose... silly Buddhists...
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