Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Pants. Erm. Or lack thereof.

Yup... it's Tart Tuesday! And so we are going to discuss the EVILS of Pants and then happily urge the world to do away with them...


PANTS ARE BAD BECAUSE:

1)  They BIND.
2)  They tell you in no uncertain terms when you've eaten too much that day.
3)  They tell you in no uncertain terms when you've eaten too much that MONTH.
4)  The prohibit range of motion motions...
5)  They allow no breeze whatsoever around your privates.
6)  They do not flatter an ample figure.
7)  They change STYLES and cause your teen to try to redress you.
8)  What OTHER piece of clothing is a swearword?!
9)  They make people (and by people, I mean me) CRABBY.
10)  They are a subversive plan to control the world with binding, uptight, crabbiness!


So if you want to be happier, freer, and more comfortable, it is as easy as banishing pants.

And if you happen to look like these fine fellows... you are welcome to share your pantslessness with the rest of us, please...




So there. You've been pantsed...

28 comments:

Cold As Heaven said...

I certainly agree with your anti-pant arguments. However, with the temperatures we have here right now (-10 Celcius, 15 Fahrenheit), I would prefer to keep my pants on just for a while. It's not the kind of breeze you want to have around your private parts ... unless you're trying very hard to live in celibate >:)))

Cold As Heaven

Rachael Harrie said...

Tee hee, with those pictures, who could disagree!!!

Rach

Lisa said...

Well, that was worth getting up at 4:30 to see. I'm awake now! And wearing pants. But they're yoga pants, not real pants.

Hart Johnson said...

CaH-well at least you're theoretically on board with the evils of pants thing... I actually understand the 'too cold' argument, though would probably opt for a Snuggie...

Rachael-Aren't I persuasive?!

Lisa-yes, HELLO! I should have gotten up then, but have a cold, so justified sleeping an extra hour instead of exercise (I will still walk to work... just the 'power one' got missed.

Helen Ginger said...

Fun post, Hart. That last picture is sort of like pictures of super models. Come on, how many people in the world actually look like that? One? Maybe two if you count my husband.

;-)

ViolaNut said...

Tami... did you know there is a Gryffindor snuggie? I kid you not. ;-)

Jan Morrison said...

Oh delicious men! I like men in sarongs though and kilts so that would be covered but free too. Free to what? Oh never mind. I'm with Helen though, other than my sweet patootie and her husband, who looks like that? Actually my sweet patootie doesn't look like that last guy if I'm real honest. More like the first one but with a much handsomer face.
Back to work - lash!!

Sugar said...

yayyyy!! I love no pants day!!

Dawn said...

I vote for NO PANTS ever...um, yum!

Falen (Sarah Ahiers) said...

this is quite possibly the best post ever written. Ever.

Also, i know of a pants solution to a few of your above issues: Pants with an elastic wasteband.

Colene Murphy said...

Aaaaamen.

Hart Johnson said...

Helen-you are one lucky lady! My hubby couldn't pull off that look...

Leanne-Gryffy Snuggie?! I need one!

Jan-you too? How did I get such lucky friends!? and yeah... kilts are very nice... was a fabulous kilted man at our latest microbrewery a while ago. very nice...

Sugar and Dawn *high fives*

Sarah *teehee* Oh, I don't need pants solutions... I like the NO pants solution...

Colene *snort* Yes. Exactly.

Talli Roland said...

Oh my. Be still my beating heart! Pants are indeed rubbish. Down with pants! Literally!

LTM said...

LOL! TamiHart... how am I supposed to write now? :D And LOL @Talli--"down with pants." *snort* :D

you guys are too much~ <3

gideon 86 said...

Hart,

I wasn't expecting those pics at the end of your post. I think I'll leave my pants on. It's a chilly day in Chicago. I never showed that much when I modeled.

Hart, when you get the chance stop over to my site. I'm having an HP blogfest next month in honor of my trip to Wizarding World in Orlando! I would love to see what you come up with...

Michael

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Kate Beckinsale naked... Kate Beckinsale naked... All right, I'm better now!
That's why I live in men's loungewear around the house, Hart.

Holly Ruggiero said...

Let's hear it for the anti-pants movement.

erica and christy said...

woo hoo anti-pants movement!!! two yummy posts from you recently. thanks! :0) christy

Ann said...

Ahh if only all the pantless promised to look like that. Then a pantless world would be a joy indeed.

Hart Johnson said...

teehee--You got it, Talli! DOWN WITH PANTS!

Leigh-this isn't helping with your nice, wholesome YA?

Michael-ALL OVER HP blogfest! And are you SURE one of those pics isn't you?

Alex--nice to see your coping mechanism is still functional!

Holly & Christy--WAHOO for Pantsless solidarity!

Ann-It IS an obstacle... some people don't pull it off as gracefully.

Andrew Green said...

Great and hilarious post....
I could have done without the naked dudes, though. :)

Old Kitty said...

I opened this post at work and quickly had to log off!! LOL!!!

It is only now in the quiet and privacy of my home am I able to understand in full why PANTS is just well, PANTS!!!

Only these guys must never ever ever wear the evil PANTS and should join us in marching behind our banner of NAKEDNESS!!

Take care
x

The Golden Eagle said...

LOL. Pants can be quite annoying, for all those reasons and more.

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

Well...but do blue jeans count? I think of jeans as very separate from regular pants. And I like mine a lot! :)

Helena said...

Okay, I CONFESS! I pretty much live in pants at work 'cause I've gotten lazy and yes, they are very unsexy. But I've bought a few sweater dresses and promise to wear them from now on. Except for the coming winter subzero days when I dress like Nanook of the North anyway.

Clarissa Draper said...

Down with pants! When I'm alone, I like to wear the least amount of clothes as possible. Ugh, did I just say that out loud?
CD

Simon C. Larter said...

I don't remember any of those pictures being taken. Hm. Must've been drunk at the time. Oh well....

DEZMOND said...

oh, I wish I had bums like those :)