Yup... it's Tart Tuesday! And so we are going to discuss the EVILS of Pants and then happily urge the world to do away with them...
1) They BIND.
2) They tell you in no uncertain terms when you've eaten too much that day.
3) They tell you in no uncertain terms when you've eaten too much that MONTH.
4) The prohibit range of motion motions...
5) They allow no breeze whatsoever around your privates.
6) They do not flatter an ample figure.
7) They change STYLES and cause your teen to try to redress you.
8) What OTHER piece of clothing is a swearword?!
9) They make people (and by people, I mean me) CRABBY.
10) They are a subversive plan to control the world with binding, uptight, crabbiness!
So if you want to be happier, freer, and more comfortable, it is as easy as banishing pants.
And if you happen to look like these fine fellows... you are welcome to share your pantslessness with the rest of us, please...
So there. You've been pantsed...