Wednesday, September 1, 2010

So Shoes? REALLY?

Since I am being random elsewhere today too, I thought HERE, I'd be UNrandom... by UNrandom, I mean... Let me e'splain...

Sunday I threw out an invitation to offer ME topic suggestion so I COULD choose random... and by random I mean RANDOM... I am putting then all in an Excel file then going to a random number generator to pick a number and I will write on the topic that corresponds to that row... the way random was meant to be.

Rayna, my Thursday Twin, was first commenter and said, 'SHOES'. Then 90% of the rest of you said your topic, FOLLOWED BY, 'and shoes'. Y'all are a bunch o' smartasses. Go see if you don't believe me.

Now at first I thought you wanted to know about my shoes... and then it occurred to me you REALLY want my OPINIONS about shoes. So lemme give you a little history.


The Tart and Shoes

So I never thought much about shoes until I was 9. Oh, I generally had some, but my only shoe knowledge prior to this point is a deep hatred for saddle shoes as they badly blister ones feet (a lesson circa 1971). This was made worse the fact that my mother was GIDDY over these shoes, and I really didn't get the fuss. The take home: Mothers cannot be trusted in the shoe domain.

But when I was 9 I got a pair of red sandals. And I refused ANY OTHER PAIR OF SHOES for 10 months. I lived in Northern Idaho, so you can imagine the discomfort of the winter... soppy, slushy, nearly frozen toes—people looking at my mother like she was completely irresponsible. I wore socks... but I would wear no other shoes... you see SANDALS are the closest thing feet can get to NAKED without actually being naked...

The other thing I remember about this incident is the sandals (and all prior shoes) were a size 4. By the time my friend Peggy convinced me Pumas were cool the next spring and I asked my mother for my first pair of shoes in AGES, I wore a 6 ½. Sandals are very forgiving.


My shoe phases were approximately as follows:

6th-8th grade... only tennis shoes would do. Puma only lasted on pair... Adidas 2... Nike had quite a run until I accepted Nike is made for narrow feet... something I don't have.

My freshman year I became a bit of a shoe follower... you see... my lifetime BFF has a MAJOR shoe fetish. And at this point SHE decided high heels were cool (led by her cousin, who was MY HEIGHT and living with her at the time... if it was cool for this high school JUNIOR who was 5'10” to go to school at 6'2”, then why not the high school freshman, ne? Never mind I was still in the junior high and effectively the tallest person in the school.

The next spurt I remember is the fake keds. Cheapo little flat tenny runners in bright colors. And the ballet flats... these are the shoes that carried me through college. These worked well in my heavy trekking college years... It was SOMEWHERE in these years though, that I fell in love with SILVER SHOES.

I am a very odd mix of the CHEAPEST of CHEAP but LOVING sparkles and flash and silver is perfect. They go with everything, so you don't need a thousand pairs, and I have ALWAYS been able to find bargains, but they are sufficiently playful and fun.

The only shoes I've fallen in love with that WEREN'T variations of fun silver shoes have been some bad boots... But let me just give you some samples and stats!


If I were a bizillionnaire, these are some of the shoes I'd want


A strappy silvery collection:

We've got some fancy ones...

And some sort of wild ones...

And some every day (that is above 60 and not pouring) ones...








And then we get into my thing for BOOTS...

For starters... a person needs a pair of Docs for every occasion...

Regular ones...

AND PINK ONES...

And Tall Purple Ones (Squeeeeeeeee!)...

And because everyone knows Dragon Hide Ones are the coolest of ALL...









And Docs are really only POWER BOOTS... I ALSO need warm Fuzzy boots!!!!


And they also come in pink!



AND FLOWERS!!!




AND NOW... because I'm on a roll...

I have a lot of shoes... too many to count, but that is because my dress shoes are one place, my summer shoes are another, my winter shoes another (currently gathering pet hair under my bed)... see, they don't play well together, and if they can't all get together, I can't COUNT THEM!

Oh, sure... I suppose I could count one group at a time, but they ALSO play hidey games. The summer ones are sometimes on the porch or by the front door... I even find them flung in the basement (not sure how THAT happens. The winter ones are more cliquey... they usually collect in groups by the door or hang out in the closet...

I even have a collection of WORK shoes at work! (this is because I walk to and from work, which I do in TENNIS SHOES, but tennis shoes only go with about 5% of my 'required by my day job' work clothes (and really are fairly silly with nakedness too... Nakedness REALLY goes only with sandals and bad boots...

24 comments:

Boonie S said...

Wow, this must be a Footwear Wednesday. I'm blogging about it, so are you, and so is Old Kitty. Well I never.
By the way, you've got lovely boots....

Have a nice day, Boonie

sue said...

Hot and flustered with all this footwear discussion. Silver flats and docs, yuuuuuummmmmy. Joy oh joy ;)

Ted Cross said...

Ummm....uh...I think I just lost ten years off my life.

Old Kitty said...

Oooh my I think I skipped the silver stage! What a wonderful foray into your shoe fetish induction and my goodness look at those incredible shoe range!!!! My, my, my!!

I regret to say that I missed out on the silver stage! :-(

But aren't all things pink gorgeous?!?!?!?! Even as docs they are just yummy! :-)
Take care
x

Simon C. Larter said...

My wife eventually threw out my 12 year old pair of Docs 'cause she said they smelled. They were just getting comfortable, too!

I still haven't recovered.

So...when the Naked World Domination tour gathers steam, you'll be naked...with shoes? *confused*

Rayna M. Iyer said...

So you did blog about shoes! But that wasn't random, was it?

And I want one of those silver flats- they are so me.

Hart Johnson said...

Boonsong--my requesters must have started a trend! I have such hip readers!

Sue-teehee--you are a shoe fetish gal, I take it?

Ted-Why, because I am stuck in the 90s for the shoes I like? That wouldn't actually surprise me... or are you shoe averse?

Jenny-never too late for a silver phase! And yes... love pink stuff--I think because it is playful.

Simon-Shoes are AN ACCESSORY. Naked World Domination allows accessories (particularly earrings, which I prefer to shoes, frankly). Though I DO love bare feet--weather and walking surface permitting. Still have my 16 year old Docs, but I have to really struggle to get them on--pregnancy widened my feet--so I only use them with costume stuff where I HAVE to be a badass.

kimberlyloomis said...

Lmao! Pink Docs though? Really?! I think I'm blind... I admit to never have really liked metallic colored shoes, but you might have converted me to liking silver ones. Kind of. Those heels you showed totally rock. :)

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

You say "tennis shoes," too? Wow! I thought that was just a Southern thing. Everywhere else they seem to be called "sneakers."

I went through a Keds and ballet shoe phase, too. :) Must be because we're the same age.

Falen (Sarah) said...

yay shoes! I love me some shoes. I also love being barefoot. Yes i'm a bit of a contradiction.
*Gasp*! You're almost at 200 followers!

Ted Cross said...

I am shoe averse. Besides having to suffer through Sex and the City episodes because of my wife, watching them obsess over these things, my wife also has some odd passion for shoes that I will never comprehend.

Dawn said...

OH! I am LOVING the shoe selection here. I'm actually salivating over the PINK Docs.

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

Purple doc martins! I had a pair of those!!! :o)

Ezmirelda said...

Love the shoes! I recently both...*counts in head* 10 pairs of shoes.

RaShelle said...

Hi Hart - Love the docs!!! Naked World Domination in purple docs and silver earrings? Totally see it. ROFL!!! YOU GO GIRL!!! Have a great wednesday.

Hart Johnson said...

Kimberly! Give in to the silver strappy sandals!

Elizabeth-there are a number of words Idaho uses that I am finding out are southern--totally can't explain it. Yeah... same age... I'll go with that! I am perfectly happy to lose five years! teehee

Sarah--so close, eh?! It's exciting! And I am with you loving both (certain attitude)shoes and bare feet.

Ted-I get it. Having a few friends with major shoe fetishes, I can see how it would annoy eventually--especially if she has different size feet so you can't even borrow them... *shifty*

Dawn-Aren't they HOT!?

Jessica-You actually HAD some?! I adore them!

Ezmirelda-oh, to have fewer financial obligations... ENJOY THEM!

RaShelle-EXACTLY! Alternating bad boots with strappy sandals with bare feet... With the bad boot I wear giant silver hoops, with the strappy sandals I wear dangly rhinestone, and when barefoot, FISH earrings! (I love fish earrings)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Hart, I'm impressed. I own four pairs of shoes, and that includes the nasty ones in the garage I use for mowing.

Helena said...

Go for the silvery glitter if you love it! Same with purple and pink (so cute!). But me, I got long skinny ugly flat feet so I hide them in my many pairs of boots.

Hart Johnson said...

Alex--hubby only has about 6. Men need a black dressy, a brown dressy, an athletic tenny, a casual(yardwork) tenny, boots (at least in Michigan) and sandals. He wears his out, then replaces. I think he has a work boot, besides, and a pair of Converse... so maybe it is 8, but probably less than a quarter what I have. I, however, have them forever.

Helena-teehee-My best friend of the shoe fetish has those... she used to always try to sell me on 'toe cleavage' (when the crack between toes shows in a pump)-I wasn't buying it, but then again, my toes are pretty short.

Carolyn Abiad said...

I love silver shoes! And ballet flats are THE best thing since sliced bread(salivating over the ones in the lands end catalog right now). Don't let me start on boots... Did you check out my post on the Turkish Bath? Nakedness involved you know.

Deb and Barbara said...

Grade 6, early 70s, white vinyl mid-calf boots, my DREAM shoes. And my mother never let me wear them. It was an exercise in perverse frustration.
B

RosieC said...

Mmmm... I went an entire month in HS without wearing the same shoes twice. I love shoes.

My wishlist: #2 on the shiny list, the pinks of the Docs, and these (which I wrote a story about :) ::

http://www.manoloblahnik.com.au/Manolo-Blahnik-26.jpg

Lisa said...

I still yearn for these flat, black, almost wrestler style low cut, lace up boots I had in 1985. Yearn.

LTM said...

omg, UR SO FUNNY!!!

I love saddle shoes and Keds, and JRM gets the itch when I make a move toward buying any... He's the silver strappy heels guy. Umm.. on ME, that is... :D

But PINK DOCS!!!! ME LIKEY~~