So Shoes? REALLY?

Since I am being random elsewhere today too, I thought HERE, I'd be UNrandom... by UNrandom, I mean... Let me e'splain...

Sunday I threw out an invitation to offer ME topic suggestion so I COULD choose random... and by random I mean RANDOM... I am putting then all in an Excel file then going to a random number generator to pick a number and I will write on the topic that corresponds to that row... the way random was meant to be.

Rayna, my Thursday Twin, was first commenter and said, 'SHOES'. Then 90% of the rest of you said your topic, FOLLOWED BY, 'and shoes'. Y'all are a bunch o' smartasses. Go see if you don't believe me.

Now at first I thought you wanted to know about my shoes... and then it occurred to me you REALLY want my OPINIONS about shoes. So lemme give you a little history.


The Tart and Shoes

So I never thought much about shoes until I was 9. Oh, I generally had some, but my only shoe knowledge prior to this point is a deep hatred for saddle shoes as they badly blister ones feet (a lesson circa 1971). This was made worse the fact that my mother was GIDDY over these shoes, and I really didn't get the fuss. The take home: Mothers cannot be trusted in the shoe domain.

But when I was 9 I got a pair of red sandals. And I refused ANY OTHER PAIR OF SHOES for 10 months. I lived in Northern Idaho, so you can imagine the discomfort of the winter... soppy, slushy, nearly frozen toes—people looking at my mother like she was completely irresponsible. I wore socks... but I would wear no other shoes... you see SANDALS are the closest thing feet can get to NAKED without actually being naked...

The other thing I remember about this incident is the sandals (and all prior shoes) were a size 4. By the time my friend Peggy convinced me Pumas were cool the next spring and I asked my mother for my first pair of shoes in AGES, I wore a 6 ½. Sandals are very forgiving.


My shoe phases were approximately as follows:

6th-8th grade... only tennis shoes would do. Puma only lasted on pair... Adidas 2... Nike had quite a run until I accepted Nike is made for narrow feet... something I don't have.

My freshman year I became a bit of a shoe follower... you see... my lifetime BFF has a MAJOR shoe fetish. And at this point SHE decided high heels were cool (led by her cousin, who was MY HEIGHT and living with her at the time... if it was cool for this high school JUNIOR who was 5'10” to go to school at 6'2”, then why not the high school freshman, ne? Never mind I was still in the junior high and effectively the tallest person in the school.

The next spurt I remember is the fake keds. Cheapo little flat tenny runners in bright colors. And the ballet flats... these are the shoes that carried me through college. These worked well in my heavy trekking college years... It was SOMEWHERE in these years though, that I fell in love with SILVER SHOES.

I am a very odd mix of the CHEAPEST of CHEAP but LOVING sparkles and flash and silver is perfect. They go with everything, so you don't need a thousand pairs, and I have ALWAYS been able to find bargains, but they are sufficiently playful and fun.

The only shoes I've fallen in love with that WEREN'T variations of fun silver shoes have been some bad boots... But let me just give you some samples and stats!


If I were a bizillionnaire, these are some of the shoes I'd want


A strappy silvery collection:

We've got some fancy ones...

And some sort of wild ones...

And some every day (that is above 60 and not pouring) ones...








And then we get into my thing for BOOTS...

For starters... a person needs a pair of Docs for every occasion...

Regular ones...

AND PINK ONES...

And Tall Purple Ones (Squeeeeeeeee!)...

And because everyone knows Dragon Hide Ones are the coolest of ALL...









And Docs are really only POWER BOOTS... I ALSO need warm Fuzzy boots!!!!

And they also come in pink!

AND FLOWERS!!!




AND NOW... because I'm on a roll...

I have a lot of shoes... too many to count, but that is because my dress shoes are one place, my summer shoes are another, my winter shoes another (currently gathering pet hair under my bed)... see, they don't play well together, and if they can't all get together, I can't COUNT THEM!

Oh, sure... I suppose I could count one group at a time, but they ALSO play hidey games. The summer ones are sometimes on the porch or by the front door... I even find them flung in the basement (not sure how THAT happens. The winter ones are more cliquey... they usually collect in groups by the door or hang out in the closet...

I even have a collection of WORK shoes at work! (this is because I walk to and from work, which I do in TENNIS SHOES, but tennis shoes only go with about 5% of my 'required by my day job' work clothes (and really are fairly silly with nakedness too... Nakedness REALLY goes only with sandals and bad boots...