Friday, May 7, 2010

Hooray Hooray the 8th of May!

Oh, I know... not until tomorrow. But if I don't tell you TODAY, you might waste precious time and not celebrate to the full capacity of the BEST holiday there is!

Anyone who's known me for any length of time KNOWS what this is, because as a dedicated nudist, this holiday and I go... hmmmm all these sayings that seem like they ought to go here are clothing related, and therefore TOTALLY inappropriate... even peas in a pod seem prudish. Hand in hand is okay, but awfully PG... It's like the spicy on a pepper, or the peanut butter on the chocolate... they are just better together!


My Initiation

At the risk of TMI... okay, so TMI is par for the course around here... I was first exposed (pun intended) to the holiday back when I still lived in tiny little Moscow, Idaho. Let me tell you a few things about Moscow, Idaho... it's small (still only 20,000) and the population is approximately 50% agricultural and 50% academic. You heard me... EVERYbody, is either affiliated with the university or farms. No builders. No plumbers. There is one electrician (my stepdad) but he's retired. Nobody works retail. It is entirely agricultural or academic... *cough * I hope you all know when I'm having you on by now, but my exaggeration is smallish.

If you drive in any given direction from Moscow, you hit another (smaller, except in the case of Pullman, Washington, which can likewise NOT claim metropolis status) town and a lot of hills, small mountains, trees... It's really pretty, but if you are a teenager there, there are only so many activities to occupy your time. Some people engage in the mindless drivel of academics, music, sports... but for the most part... There are only a very few activities 'normal' kids engaged in. (and I wholeheartedly PLEAD that you understand I shed my bounds of normalcy... but at the time...) Namely, sex, booze, and rock & roll. You heard me... I was a metal head who drank and screwed in the backs of cars. (In my defense, all the cool kids were doing it) *cough *

The University of Idaho (the hometown university) where I had a lot of friends, had an excellent theory of applying academic concepts to this sex, booze and rock & roll mentality. Never have I seen people apply more creativity and intelligencia to having a good time. I loved the University of Oregon, where I went for my degree, and as an adult, Oregon is HANDS DOWN my preferred state, but UO could not hold a CANDLE to the University of Idaho where getting a party on was concerned. This was the home of frozen hot wheels (thank you, Ned), Crisco Twister, and to my knowledge
(though the posers at Washington State University just across the border are trying to claim it)... Hooray Hooray, the 8th of May. [the University of Idaho and Washington State University lie just 6 miles apart—I know this, as in HIGH school, I periodically went to WSU parties, knowing at the University of Idaho I might see someone who would say, “Hey, she's still in high school”--yes, I was a smart deviant.]

It was among these fellows... (the Idaho ones) that I had my first exposure...


By now, my Intelligent Readers, I'm sure you've GUESSED the nature of Hooray Hooray the 8th of May... It's National Outdoor Intercourse Day! Only over the years, it has become INTERNational Outdoor Intercourse Day..

So I thought I'd offer up some suggestions, in case you aren't quite as twisted as me (or still have snow on the ground) (or have big giant SNAKES IN CANS—hear that Cher-Bear, I will NOT be having GROUND intercourse in Arkansas! Stand up, sister! Probably wise advice in Florida, too, in case all that noise arouses the Gators!

Sex standing up requires at least one strong, well-balanced participant, so I generally recommend something to prop yourself against. Buildings are okay. Trees too. But both have a rather rough texture. Lawn chairs leave obnoxious stripes (grass leaves imprints AND stains!) Sand will be with you until retirement. So WHERE, pray tell can one have sex outside?

I think my Buddy SteelMagnolia might (or might not) recommend the hot air balloon. Swings can be interesting, though I haven't tried that in my wide-ass life stage... picnic tables, if outfitted with a table cloth are a pretty good option—especially if you've left food props handy. Woohoo! A little honey, a little butter... NOW we're talking! Boats are good—especially if you add a balancing challenge, like in a canoe! A car is not really outside and SOLIDLY cheating. (so is a camper or a tent, though an air mattress under the stars will suffice and is probably the most comfortable option).

The reality though, is you REALLY just need to go into the holiday prepared. TAKE A DAMN BLANKET! All those rough surfaces are no longer an obstacle. In case you are still sure... here are some guidelines...

And MINIONS? This is a holiday FOR YOU! Enjoy it!

22 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Too many bugs and snakes here! You enjoy the day though, Tart.

Megan said...

Wow. I had no idea this was a holiday. Have fun with it. ;)

Watery Tart said...

Alex--you're not afraid of some critters, are you!?

Megan, you live in WASHINGTON! How do you not know this holiday?! Clearly you need some perverse influences in your life, and I'm your gal!!!

Briony said...

Hmm, Med Ball is the 8th of May, at a venue right next to the beach...

Coincidence? I THINK NOT!


Here's hoping, anyway... ;)

M.J. Nicholls said...

Upright nookie is a curious preoccupation. What people don't realise is that it discriminates against the plumper lady or gent.

Anyway. Tis the season.

::runs off to spoon behind a gorse bush::

Watery Tart said...

BrioNI--Not a coincidence at all! Sounds like you have some conquering to accomplish!

Mark, gorse is PRICKLY! Surely you'd rather spoon behind the heather or something... not that i'm suggesting you spoon someone named Heather... unless you want to, I mean...

Smackenicious said...

hahah amazing .. I should go and try it ... hahahaha

Sirius - *winks*

Ugh totally not with you...

Kierah Jane Reilly said...

I have some really good friends who both went to WSU. I'll have to ask them about this holiday. Back in college they were the sort to partake in this sort of thing!

Burt said...

Thanks for this, WT. You bring up many fine memories of the Palouse and the great outdoors. Now, I kinda just wish we had hung out more back in the day. Keep up the good work!

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

Do you know I've *never* heard of this holiday!? I clearly live under a rock. :)

Elizabeth
Mystery Writing is Murder

Caledonia Lass said...

I think it might scare the moose and I certainly don't want to frighten one and have it charge. It'd turn me into moose jelly. Owie!
Enjoy your holiday though ::laughs::

Watery Tart said...

Ana-yeah, I figure you have some catching up to do with Sirius on this one *snort*

Kierah--I'm SURE they would know about it! (or maybe I was just friends with the most twisted people--that's possible)

Burt-We SHOULD have hung out more! It was always fun when we did. I think I was painted a 'nice girl' by the people who didn't know me as well, oddly enough...

Elizabeth--so now you know! Obviously you have some catching up to do!

CL--may still be sort of cold in Alaska! Though I really do encourage you to give it a try (maybe in a moose-free zone)

Amy said...

Is this a paid holiday? I want time and a half!

Sugar said...

YES!!!

Chary Johnson said...

Well, there are too many people around. Eight to ten million to be exact. I'll try but I can't promise anything.

*hopes not to be arrested in NYC*

Watery Tart said...

Amy, we really should start a petition for that, eh? Or at LEAST a holiday with benefits!

Sugar-I knew you'd be on board!

Chary, I've never known you to shrink from a challenge!

Jan Morrison said...

Hello dear tartlett - due to circumstances beyond my control I couldn't comment on this when it happened. Every MAY THE FIRST my dad has a running joke with an elderly friend of his and my step-mother. She is British and is 94 or close too. For the last five years, my dad has phoned her early on May the FIRST and shouted down the wire "Hooray Hooray, the first of May, outdoor screwing starts today!" This year, she phoned him on April 30th insisting it was the first of May. So, just to tell ya - you have the date wrong. So American really to take a perfectly good British tradition and try to institutionalize it. For shame. Outdoor shagging is very important. Unfortunately, I will not be enjoying it as my sweet patootie is adverse though quite an outdoor fella. He is rather shy. In my wild past, a few of my more memorable times were a) in a boat, not belonging to either of the participants, tied up to the govt. wharf,b) a snow bank at a farm (not in May though that isn't impossible) and c)on a mountain top standing...but now I'm an old granny and must settle for the bed with the windows open...

Watery Tart said...

teehee--You are FABULOUS, Jan! I will have to keep in mind that the British partake for the whole summer... that really DOES seem wiser!

Dawn said...

I live in Lewiston and happened upon your blog from researching the cute little rhyme! My husband graduated from UofI and I wonder if the saying really originated there? If so, I can tell him its a way of honoring his alma mater - he's not very, ahem, adventurous. Me, well I have been "out" and about in good ol Lewiston and surrounding areas.

JT said...

I am inspired...will have to check in w Kate :)

JCS said...

Great Blog! Tomorrow should be an interesting day. Perhaps we can walk through the woods to see if a newbie is doing it standing up propped up against a tree.
Happy 8th of May!

doodle said...

Idaho? WAZOO! I first celebrated the 8th of May in 1971. At the 'River'.