Thursday, April 1, 2010

Admirable Arses

Not to be confused with Admiral Ass, who my mother dated in the late 70's and who taught me for the first time that bad behavior in brass buttons became EVIL, and that it would be better to stick to admitted bad boys, as at least there was integrity to that. But I digress...

I am participating this month in Blogging from A to Z (and you all can too, if you want to!!!) If we blog every day but Sunday, we can get through the alphabet in April, so my list of blog topics goes something like this: Admirable Asses, Beautiful Bums, Cute Cheeks, Delightful Derrieres, Euphoric Ends, Fabulous Fannies (though I know in Australia this last one is much naughtier than the US take), Glamorous Gluts, Happy Hineys... you get the picture...

HA! April Fools!

Well, not about the Blogging from A to Z. Only about talking about butts every day, because while a Tart enjoys her some admirable arses, there is only so much that needs to be said...

Before I get to the real topic at hand though, I should note that the WORD arse, not widely used in the US, is one I nevertheless LIKE, and was reminded of yesterday when I visited

The Alliterative Allomorph, who had a sidebar with definitions she prefers (over the real ones). This was my favorite:

Arsenic: a cut on the bum

*snort * FABULOUS.  You should go check out the others.

Okay, now we can stop being pranky and get on with the blog and the OTHER topic But FIRST, here are some things I am NOT blogging about, even though on the A day, it would be appropropriate:

Atilla, Adolf or Anthony (too violent)
Artichokes, Asparagus, or apricots (like them all, but, what's to say?)
Aardvarks, Armadillos or Anteaters (love them, but know little)
Apostrophes, Alliteration, & Acronyms (though I admit to at least one fetish here)

Also not blogging about Antarctica, Antwerp, Alaska, Alexandria, Australia, Alabama, or Austria. I've never been.

So what AM I going to discuss?

Attributing Attitude & Amor

You see, writers get to do these things (in fact MISattributing is my favorite thing to do). We get to instill personality and motivation in our characters. We can ALSO give them admirable arses, but frankly, that is more interesting on the movie screen. Beautiful characters mostly annoy me (that reverse snob thing triggered by Admiral Ass at work, you see—if it looks good, it is in some way EVIL (or in the case of beautiful people, probably simply lacks depth)) No way, Jose. Appealing, yes. Attractive? Not my thing (unless they have a sufficiently naughty gleam in their eye, anyway—then at least they are being honest about it.)

Ha! There I go digressing again!

Anyway, attitude is an excellent way to show personality. It's the outward manifestation—someone can be a smart alec, or a snob, or (like their author *cough*) exhibit REVERSE snobbery. One can (like Admiral Ass) be an arrogant bacon-forker (read: nincompoop) who is not REALLY separated from his wife and is BEGGING to someday be a murder victim in a novel because that is JUST the kind of set up needed to have at least 45 people want to kill you (if you count the families of both spurned women and the other guys in line to date the single chick).

And that touches on AMOR. Aside from money, love seems to provide the strongest motivator—in fact there is a whole category, called crimes of passion, and honey... that is about AMOR! (whether jealousy, possessiveness, betrayal...) matters of the heart make for GREAT literature!

Okay, so there wasn't all that much to say on that because I was busy being silly, but HEY, April Fools doesn't fall on Delusional Thursday all that often, so I am entitled to my little games, ne?


The Alliterative Allomorph said...

LOLOLOLOLOL! You ARE HILARIOUS! Oh my god that was the best post ever. I think I have fallen in love ... :)

ps! Thanks SOOOOO much for the mention!!!!!

Trudy said...

Stopping by from A to Z! I love this post, though have to admit slight disappointment at the fact that you aren't going to be discussing beautiful bums tomorrow:-( You would surely have a daily follower in me with that topic, LOL!

Have fun with the challenge, I'm sure I'll be stopping back in!

Sugar said...

Love the arses.. I love the word as well.. We so should make it more used in the U.S. I'll start on my end.. :)

Watery Tart said...

AA: *snort* Thank you--particularly for reminding me, via your blog, that there was a tartish, April Foolish topic that starts with A!

Trudy--keep stoppin' by--I may not have butts as the TOPIC every day, but I am naughty with some regularity--you won't feel too deprived.

Sugar--it's a deal! Spread the Arse! Erm... okay, maybe that isn't how to say it... teehee...


What a hilarious start, why not carry on with your list??????? Anyway loved the first of 26,look forward to the next.
Take care

Jane Kennedy Sutton said...

You certainly picked some fine examples of admirable arses!)

Caledonia Lass said...

Ha ha! Awesome. Oh look, another A. Well, A+ for this post. I promise I won't grade the others. XD

Marjorie said...

How do I get in on this blogging A to Z?

Watery Tart said...

Yvonne and Caledonia-Welcome to my madness! And I am thinking maybe there is a public outcry to keep including the butt theme... I'm a pushover, so it can probably be worked in (probably not daily, but I like a challenge!)

Jane-they ARE nice, aren't they!? <--still waiting for them to put an interrobang key on my keyboard.

Marjorie- go to the post hyperlinked at the top and let Lee know you're in--he said he will keep adding people until the 5th, so you've got time!

arlee bird said...

We're all going to be alliterating before this day is up. Well I'm not real big on the bums, butt my bum is going to get pretty big the way I've been staying on the computer of late.
Very clever post I must say!

Marjorie said...

Should I go ahead and blog for A before Lee has added me? I so don't know protocol for these sorts of things.

Watery Tart said...

Lee, I can make a point of posting of Ladybums if you prefer. I figure we're all naked, here! (thanks!)

And Marjorie-yeah, go for it! There is no reason he'd ban you or something, so it will just be when he gets to it.

Beth said...

You missed a spelling opportunity here: Okay, now we can stop being pranky and get on with the blog and the OTHER topic But FIRST, ... seems like *but* should have been spelled B.U.T.T.

Anonymous said...

Just awesome. Love this post and, heck, love this blog! Thanks for the late night giggle fit! ;)