Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Tortoise, Toast Man and Talli

Look at this teeny tiny tortoise!!!

You know... I really identify with tortoises. Some astrology substitutes a tortoise for the crab in cancer, so maybe this is why. Tortoises go SLOW, but if you'll remember the tortoise and the hare... it is the tortoise who keeps going without getting distracted. This is a good thing. Tortoises ARE inclined to hide in their shells if they don't like what's going on, but that is sort of the way with writers, too, eh?

And then looking for images, I kept running across all these pics of this tortoise and this hippo that are best buds! Aren't they fabulous!?

Talk Talks to Toast Man (POWDERED Toast Man that is)

This is a bit of a coup on my part. Powdered Toastman is difficult to pin down (at least if you don't catch him by surprise, but I managed to get him to talk to me recently.

Tart: At what point did you learn you were a superhero? When you were a wee babe? Somewhere in the awkwardness of adolescence?

Toast: When I was about 5 and I farted cinnamon sugar.

Tart: Does being a superhero help you get chicks? By which I mean girls, because chicks in a literal sense, I'd imagine, you could just buy, and I can't help but think a superhero has no real advantage there...

Toast: I don't get any girls. Most girls aren't attracted to a guy with bread for a head unless they have a weird fetish.

Tart: And the name... Powdered Toast Man... were the other superhero names taken? Or is there something about your superpowers that makes this fitting?

Toast: You haven't seen my youtube video? If you need some powdered sugar on your toast, I will be there.

Tart: And is there a romantic counterpart to Powdered Toast Man? A Lois Lane to your Superman? Do your superhero abilities help you do anything kinky?

Toast: Why do you ask? Do you want to be Mrs. Powdered Toast Man? I can get very kinky but I've been told that this is a family show so I can't share. Stop by my house if you want to know the details.

Tart: As a representative of toast, tell me... which do you prefer to be covered in: butter, jam or peanutbutter?

Toast: Jam is too sticky. Peanut butter actually gives my skin a nice shine. Strangley enough I am allergic to butter.

Tart: I notice you made some guest appearances on Ren and Stimpy back in the day. Do they still pay you royalties when those come on the air? If so, what have you done with that income over the years?

Toast: I was actually quite drunk when I signed that contract so I screwed myself out of any royalties. Ren does give me 10% of his drug dealings though so that's good.

Tart: Do they ever talk about casting you for a movie with real people? Who would play you?

Toast: There was talk about 10 years ago about possibly doing a movie but I haven't heard any since then. I would want Dustin Diamond to play me, I'm sure he needs the work.

Tart: Do you have any embarrassing habits you'd be willing to share?

Toast: I still suck my thumb occasionally but only when I'm nervous or horny.

Well there you have it!  You saw it HERE! 

And finally... I MISS TALLI ROLAND!


She's had a busy year, being a new mom and all, and I've had a busy year being overwhelmed, but I was glad for this chance to look in on what she's up to.

I decided to feature The Pollyanna Plan, as it came out last June, about the time I got overwhelmed, so I hadn't given it a proper perusal...

Blurb: Thirty-something Emma Beckett has always looked down on 'the glass is half full' optimists, believing it's better to be realistic than delusional. But when she loses her high-powered job and fiancé in the same week, even Emma has difficulty keeping calm and carrying on. 

With her world spinning out of control and bolstered by a challenge from her best friend, Emma makes a radical decision. From here on in, she'll behave like Pollyanna: attempting to always see the upside, no matter how dire the situation.

Can adopting a positive attitude give Emma the courage to build a new life, or is finding the good in everything a very bad idea?

(Love the sound of this! I tend to be a bit of a starry-eyed optimist, so I am all for everybody giving it a whirl)


Diana Wilder said...

(snorfle...) Let me get this straight: I am to understand that you want Powdered Toast Man to come to your house and f@rt cinnamon sugar all your freshly buttered toast? Will the butter allergy affect the effect?

The book sounds delightful. And I'm always willing to look at photos of hippos. Cute!

Jan Morrison said...

I can't say why but I really needed that picture of the tortoise and the wee hippo just now. And nice to see that dear blue-noser feted in your blog. What don't know what I'm talking about? Ask Talli.

Madeline Mora-Summonte said...

Oh, I love Owen (the hippo!) and Mzee (the tortoise!) I have a book all about them. And you know how I feel about tortoises! :)

M.J. Fifield said...

I love that picture of the tiny tortoise. That is too cute!

T. Powell Coltrin said...

I like reptiles in general!

Talli is awesome.

Em-Musing said...

You would love it here in Akumal, Mexico where I live. Akumal means 'place of the turles' in Mayan. The green turtle and the loggerhead turtles come ashore starting in May - to lay eggs. There are many places here where you can swim with the turtles.

Em-Musing said...

I also have rental casitas for tourists at my property in the jungle. You are invited to come and stay for free for a week. I've just finished building these rentals and would appreciate feedback.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

PTM is hilarious. So powdered toast and peanut butter? Not even going to touch the thumb sucking bit.

mshatch said...

Ha! I loved Powdered Toast Man and Ren & Stimpy!

L. Diane Wolfe said...

The hippo and tortoise photo is cute!

I remember Ren and Stimpy and Powdered Toast Man. We used to watch that show all the time.

Mark Means said...

An....interesting...if nothing else, interview :)

I've never seen that pic of the tortoise and the hippo before....very cute, though :)

Powdered Toast Man said...

That hippo and tortoise are good people. I've had dinner with them.

I am available whenever you want for another interview. I just need 4 months notice.

Sarah Ahiers said...

I wish i could have a pet tortoise. If i had some land i would totally have a yard tortoise

Jai said...

The tortoise is so cute and his buddy. Awe.

Now I'm hungry for French toast with butter, powdered sugar and lemon juice.

Some farted cinnamon for my coffee would be nice. No stirring required.

Helena said...

A superhero who farts cinnamon sugar? Sounds like a dream come true for little kids.

I love the tiny turtle, and I know the hippo was a little orphan when she bonded with the tortoise. Awwww...

Talli's book sounds good and sweet, but as I read it I'd probably have a cynical voice in my head giving commentary.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Hart .. the description of Mr Toastman is great! The little turtle and hippo - so lucky they found each other ...

Talli has had one great year hasn't she and the books don't stop coming ..

Cheers to you Hilary