Thursday, April 5, 2012

Delusional Dominatrix or Dastardly Decoy?

I'm devastating, eh?
So people who've been around here before know I'm a devastatingly sexy hotness of a woman, set on naked world domination, yeah? I'm like Jessica Rabbit, only I really AM bad. I'm all mystery and intrigue, knocking men flat with just a steamy look. You should see what happens when I blow them a kiss... or even just blow. *shifty*

It's why I write these dark, traumatic books and people make sizzling noises when I walk by. Sometimes they even offer me fruit... you know... as a show of how FRESH I am. (okay, so that last might have happened almost 30 years ago and I was in Mexico--and with ojos azules en Mexico, at diez y seis anos... anything is possible)

Still DRESSED like a dominatrix
But the rest of it is true...


Other than the part where instead of LOOKING like Jessica Rabbit, I've got more in common with Miss Piggy...

You know... confident and bossy... and decidedly plumpish... Trying to dress (or undress) to the state of a much sexier woman. Pushing people around as necessary because they never seem to read my mind like I like... And even when they do, they sometimes just need a little extra incentive to do the right thing (which would be the thing I WANT done)


*sigh*

Did you know my home town was formerly Hogs Heaven?
But at least I have the Naked World Domination movement headed in the right direction. Most people are on board when they hear all that is required is getting naked and being nice to people.

And maybe, just maybe, I make more progress with all this world domination stuff because people don't even SEE ME COMING. They look and think 'meh, she HAS to be harmless' (heh.  Right.)  and I get there, crack the whip and make them dance like I like! Erm... in a nice way, of course. They like it. I promise.


I pull it off, don't I? (at least in a literal way?)
So what delusions do you cherish?


Do your looks go with your winning disposition?


Are you naked yet?  It IS Naked Thursday, after all. or Naked Thrustday, as my friend Gae says...


And on the D theme. My buddy Laura at the Daily Dodo has released a book:  100 Blogging Prompts!  You should go check that out, too.  Her C blog has all the details.

And a final DOH!  I totally forgot to be insecure yesterday... though maybe I am insecure that only a couple people signed up for our book release blogfest:  Crazy Cozy Blogfest. if you might be interested, I'd love you to give a peek at yesterday. Because I was SO EXCITED about the idea, but so few people stopped by... I think my title led them to believe it was the DAY OF the blogfest and not an invitation to join it... but it was only the invite... the actually thing of it is in June... on book release day.

17 comments:

Hissy_Fitts said...

See...this is what happens when I stay up late to attempt working because I think (yeah right) that others who may distract me will be asleep. I completely stopped what I was doing and jumped over here to read this. After all, it was sooo much more interesting than setting up a website and trying to convince myself to blog or write. Before I saw your blog pop up I actually distracted myself by planning a baby shower. Loved the blog and I must say, I think you lean more toward Jessica than Miss P. but don't tell her because she is one mean Pig. Just sayin'

Kyra Lennon said...

I wanted to be Jessica Rabbit when I grew up LOL! I think I'm probably more like the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland - plump and always rushing around! :p

Old Kitty said...

Miss Piggy is an ICON!! She's one of the few proper Hollywood STARS!! She is a Goddess and should be worshipped most NAKEDly!

Yay!! Take care
x

Tonja said...

Miss Piggy is way cooler than Jessica Rabbit.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Someone had fun making those magazine covers.

Jan Morrison said...

I adore Miss Piggy. And I adore you. It all makes perfect sense - bossy women and wo-pigs putting it all out there and clobbering those that don't pick up on the batting eyes.
I have just one question for you and ignore it if I've missed something obvious - uh...how come you're on D and the rest of us are on E? Just asking...

vic caswell (aspiring-x) said...

heeheeheee! you're hilarious!
(i'm a last minute signer-upper. procrastination is sublime:P)

Sarah Ahiers said...

I totally forgot to be insecure yesterday as well.
And those miss piggy covers are awesome!!

Tamara Narayan said...

Whoa, Miss Piggy, I had no idea! I was working in a movie theater when Who Framed Roger Rabbit came out and remember all the hype.

Catherine Stine said...

Hi Anita
This post made me chuckle, so thanks! I happen to love pigs, and I owned two Vietnamese potbellied pigs for years-two sisters who fought like, well... cats and dogs! I'm doing A to Z so pop on by if you like. Today I'm talking about the importance of fictional oddballs. Catherine

Creepy Query Girl said...

Jessica rabbit! Even as a kid, I could appreciate her sexy. And miss piggy is someone to aspire to imo. :) I hold the delusion that I am perpetually 18 years old (or at least look like I am. I don't:)

Mary Aalgaard, Play off the Page said...

Miss Piggy is hilarious, and wildly popular. We all want her sass. My favorite line from Jessica is, "I'm not bad, I was just drawn that way."

Play off the Page

Helena said...

My delusion? Singular? Hey, I've got so many of them. It's how I keep going. I look young! I'm attractive! My baggy knees and cellulite are invisible! I'm a great writer....

The Miss Piggy covers are great.

Laura said...

Hehehe - am giggleing into my sofa and himself is wondering if I'm having a fit. I'd love to be jessica rabbit! I have the red hair... but that's where the similarities end!

Thanks for the shout out my lovely - and don't worry, we'll round up more blogfesters for you - I think everyone's pre-occupied it being week one and all
Laura xxx

Carol Kilgore said...

Well, if it's Naked Thursday, I'm in the right spot. I'm going to the patio in a bit. Maybe I should consider putting something on. You know, just in case. So I can take it off :)

blissflower1969 said...

Great post! Looking forward to more A to Z goodness!

Dawn Ius said...

I love this post SO much. My stepdad used to tell my mom he'd leave her for Jessica Rabbit :-)