How is it that I didn't realize Enid was an Aussie until now?! I totally need my honorary Aussie status put on hold! (but that would make me sad!) Though Enid claims to be camera shy, so I've got my suspicions she's only part Aussie. Show me a good football tackle and I will let go of my hesitation (Go Crows!) erm...
Thank you Hart for hosting me. I love Hart’s blog posts, especially pure insanity ones. They are humorous and often with a touch of humility. So I’ve taken out an excerpt from my latest novel, Every Savage Can Reproduce, Pride and Prejudice-inspired Science Fiction, to give you a bit of taste of my crazy thoughts too. It’s about some aliens called andulas and I guess you probably know who Mr. Collins was from Jane Austen’s classic:
The three andudas climbed off of Mr. Collins body. A1 said, “Crawl on your hands and knees, and follow us.”
Collins nodded affably again.
Happily, A1, A2 and A3 led the High Commander of Earth, in his pink body suit forward on all fours, secured by a vine leash as they made their way through the muddy forest towards the wilderness centre of Hartfield. Along the way, more and more andudas caught a glimpse of the strange man-pet.
Finally, they arrived at a giant entwined fig tree nearly ten meters tall. One of the andudas used its tail to press on a tree branch in a deliberate rhythm. After a few moments, a part of the tree base lifted up, and a pebble path appeared. The andudas jumped onto the pebble path, down the base of the tree and under the ground.
Collins crawled along behind them as obediently as a domestic pet. Down and around they went. The blue haze of the planet’s surface atmosphere gradually dissipated. The High Commander felt as if his head was about to burst. He shook it a few times and gulped in deep breaths.
What am I doing? he thought. Why am I crawling on the ground? His thoughts were forming more clearly, and he realised that something had been stuffed into his mouth. Something was wrapped around his neck, and it was being used by someone to pull him along.
No! He was pulled by an animal – an anduda! He finally remembered his encounter with the vicious creatures. He wanted to stop crawling and demand that these damnable inferior animals release him. But his body felt shaky.
Looking around, he saw that he had been led into a cave-like space equipped with some shabby tables, chairs, cabinets and equipment, like a laboratory or factory. Several other andudas were busy nearby, but not jumping about, as andudas normally did. They, in fact, were walking awkwardly, and their hides were a range of skin colours other than brown.
“We’ve captured a bad man from Earth,” one of Collins’s captors said, and the others nodded. As the speaker released its hold on the leash, Collins gathered his strength, unwound the stinging vine from around his neck and struggled to stand.
“Where am I? Do you know who I am?” he demanded. “I am the High Commander from Planet Earth. I demand to be released and returned to my vessel immediately, or I will send a signal to my base, and they will dispatch warships to arrive at Hartfield within hours. My majestic and wise Queen Immortal will knock down every tree on this planet. She will round up all the andudas and lock you in our zoos, where you will be taught better manners.”
A1, A2 and A3 looked at each other and then burst out laughing. The other hybrid andudas stopped their work and looked at Collins with wide eyes.
“Where did you find this piece of work?” a blue-skinned andudas by the cabinet asked.
“A3 saw his ship dropped, down by 829451.”
“A2 saw him walking at 829892.”
“A1 found him cute.”
“I did not. Andubie, do not listen to him.” A1 hopped closer to the blue andudas. “I thought this two-strand from Earth would be good for your experiment.
“Experiment?” Collins screeched. On hearing the intention of the andudas, he began to run back toward the passage they had come down. But before he could take more than a few steps, one of the walking andudas jumped in front of him and knocked him to the floor with its tail.
Collins yelled, “I am the High Commander of Earth! Stop this assault! My most respected Queen Immortal will launch an air strike on Hartfield if she hears about this.”
“Put him on the table!” one of the hybrid andudas instructed. “He is not a good specimen but I do love to experiment on foul-mouthed humans.”
Once the andudas had Collins secured on the table, they began making surgical incision on Collins’s tissues, until the High Commander screamed himself unconscious.
Well, how do you find the aliens? Leave me comments about your favourite aliens from movies or books, for a chance to win a copy of Every Savage Can Reproduce in pdf format and a souvenir from Australia. Giveaway closes on 10 October and is open to readers worldwide.
Below is the detail about Every Savage Can Reproduce (ISBN: 978-0-9806105-9-8):
In the futuristic society on Planet Earth, Elizabeth Bennet is accused of luring Fitzwilliam Darcy to an illegal establishment, which leads to their exile deep in the centre of a rebel planet. The subsequent galactic war exposes dark secrets regarding the autocratic Queen Immortal. Will Elizabeth and Darcy discover their love for one another and find their way back to Earth?
Set in the 39th Century, this novel is a tale of Pride and Prejudice-inspired science fiction, where Jane Austen’s characters take on new lives but still face the barrier of class distinction and seek to overcome their faults, as in the original classic.
For more information, please visit me at www.enidwilson.com
Thank you so much, Enid--this looks thoroughly entertaining! Good luck with sales and the tour!
[on a totally side blog author note: I am also at Burrowers, Books and Balderdash today being delusional]