Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Twelve True Confessions

So FIRST I want to give a few celebratory shout outs... Happy Winter Solstice to Y'all! It is a holiday MEANT for nudity because that is how one communes with nature and moonlight. It's a special one, too—how often is there a lunar eclipse on the winter solstice? Maybe it will open an era of enlightenment if enough people JUST GET NAKED! (it can't hurt, yeah?)

[side note... solstice really WAS originally about enlightenment... in a way... as the shortest day of the year in the northern hemisphere, the daylight hours begin to grow... it only gets lighter from here.]

And it is ALSO the BIRTHDAY of my fabulous friend Jan (who I know supports the nudist movement and just yesterday posted pictoral proof she was one with trees, so it all goes together, see...) So be sure to go over and wish Jan a Happy Birthday, and PROMISE HER you will get naked to celebrate the solstice the way it was meant to be.



So in honor... a little soul baring...

1...Michael from The Office (US version) makes me actively hostile. Like I want to scream or choke somebody. That kind of ignorance is not amusing. Ever. Yet my family all loves the show. I am subjected to it regularly. If you ever see me online acting like a real bitch, it is because somebody at my house is watching The Office.
2...At age 11 I had a deep and abiding Shaun Cassidy crush. My entire bedroom wall was covered in posters, mostly torn from the center of Tiger Beat Magazine. When my aunt had a baby (her second) and couldn't think of a boy's name, she asked me and I suggested Shaun. She didn't want it, but DID go for Andy (suggested for Andy Gibb—a second choice crush who had fabulously sent back an autographed picture to my friend Peggy—Peg, you still have that Andy Gibb pic?--you've been OUTED by the way). By 7th grade celebrity crushes were no longer cool. I don't know if my friends gave them up earnestly or not. I only went into hiding.

3...I had pet rats as a kid and have maintained a soft spot for most rodents (in fact pretty much all but the sewer rat and the ROUS). My uncle, to raise a little money, used to breed white lab rats and so I had a stream of them as pets. They typically lived about a year, but I had one that lived about three (which according to Harry Potter and the pet store worker at the Magical Menagerie is about normal). Not one of them ever turned into a beady-eyed traitorous man, but BELIEVE ME, I felt Ron's shock when it happened to him.

4...The primary theme to the second book of my trilogy was largely inspired by the Offspring Song 'You're Gunna Go Far Kid'. It is pretty much about a kid who joins a group of art thieves because he thinks they will lead to his mother who's been abducted, but he undergoes a sort of Stockholm Syndrome transformation while he's with them.
5...When I was 21 there was a Grateful Dead Lost Weekend where I tried 'magic mushrooms'. In my trip I was 'living the book I was writing'... meaning in my head I was only writing the book as we actually did everything. Yeah... it doesn't make much sense without the drugs... It was a helluva weekend though. And I somehow think only a writer would think it was more fun WRITING about it than doing it...



6...I was a slow reader as a kid—it just was hard for me. And I didn't particularly LIKE it... I was sure it would never be my thing but in 4th grade the teachers split the classes for reading and math into high and low... I was put in high of both (for math, I belonged there) but my teacher would not let me move to low reading. She insisted I was capable but not applying myself. I worked. It got a little better. And then a little better. And then a little better. A couple years ago I had the chance to thank Mrs. Burnham for not letting me quit—she was the teacher who made me believe I was smart. That made her cry.

7...I REALLY REALLY have always wanted to have a paranormal experience... see a ghost... have a vision... even have a spooky feeling turn out to be true... but you know what? NOT. A. STITCH. I am (sadly) completely grounded in the here and now. Whatever that inner eye is... me and Hermione are in the same place. I had a neighbor though, who said there was a woman who hung out with my husband... when she described the woman, Mr. Tart said it sounded like his mom. I wonder if she followed us to Michigan.

8...I still have some clothes from high school. *shifty* Not a lot... a couple t-shirts... leg-warmers... (yes, I still wear them)... erm... did I mention I graduated high school in 1984?

9...My first novel I tried to REALLY WRITE (as opposed to minor plotting and maybe a chapter) was HORROR and based on a computer game I had for my Macintosh... The game was called Creepy Castle... Man I had fun... Had I known how the thing ended, I might have even come back to it.

10...I had a really major earring fetish in high school and college. You know... the handy thing about a fetish like that is people always know what to get you for gifts, so I still have a large collection of very cool earrings... funny... anymore I only have a couple pairs I wear that often... Still, I love to have them.

11...I first emerged as a nudist at age 2. I hated being WET. Mom says I was very easy to potty train. But we had a kiddie pool at our duplex... I would get in the water, sit, stand up, remove my suit, and then sit again to play. None of that wet fabric nonsense for ME! I was first DUBBED a nudist by my friend Candy in high school, probably because she knew I preferred to SLEEP naked. I didn't actually EMBRACE being a nudist (erm... other than the sleeping and the skinny dipping parts) until the formation of the Naked World Domination Tour some four or five years ago...

12...My mom has made 'near snuggies' for my kids... two fleece blankets sewn together... I am sitting in one now...

So there. Now you know my deepest secrets...

31 comments:

Roland D. Yeomans said...

I thought I was the only one who didn't find THE OFFICE funny. Whew!

I only see ghosts with the eye of my muse ... does that count?

What earrings once were to you, watches once were to me. I had six at one time with distinctive faces. My irritating habit of smashing the crystals on the edges of hallways turns or closing elevator doors ended my fondness. Now, I wear no watch at all.

Have a Merry Christmas. And thanks for sharing some of your secrets, Roland

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

Great list of secrets! My sister had a Shaun Cassidy crush, as I recall. :)

I think it's really cool that you thanked Mrs. Burnham, the teacher!

I had the paranormal experience that YOU should have had. (I don't think I'm particularly OPEN to paranormal.) Gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. The ghost must have been looking for the Tart house instead of mine. :)

Cold As Heaven said...

I guess we were all nudists at age 2. It's just a few that haven't stopped and some who has restarted >:)

Cold As Heaven

Simon C. Larter said...

I considered getting nude and running around outside to celebrate the eclipse and the solstice, but it was cold as balls last night. So I didn't. Ah, well.

Happy pagan holidays! :D

Hart Johnson said...

Roland-I think the rest of The Office i wouldn't mind, but I find Michael really offensive (probably because I KNOW there are people like that), and hubby has a watch fetish--we don't have the money for him to do much but he watches the shopping channel whenever they are doing watches *rolls eyes*

Elizabeth--LUCKY!!! As for the teacher thing--I was really thrilled to GET the chance--I ran into her at a funeral, which is sad, but it was still nice to have that moment.

CaH--Yeah, I always tell people we were ALL born naked! It is the natural state of things!

Hart Johnson said...

Ha! Simon, you're sneaky! You can celebrate naked INSIDE, if you don't have one of those big heater things...

Tessa Quin said...

My husband hates watching the Office because he's with you on the humor. Will you hate me if I confess I can laugh at it?

Rusty Webb said...

I'm with you on the paranormal thing. I have a standing invitation to beings of the spirit world to say hello - with the caveat that I take the Carl Sagan approach to them. Meaning that the more extraordinary they are, the more proof I would require to believe they are there... a creaking door in my 40 year old house just won't be enough.

Loved this list though. Very insightful.

Megan Bostic said...

Thank you for baring your soul to us. :)

gae polisner said...

The Office thing had me laughing out loud... my middle school crush was Starsky (NOT Hutch). I wrote to him and eventually got a signed headshot back. I had posters of him up around my room. But judiciously. I also wrote away to William Goldman for the missing sex scene from the book, The Princess Bride (yes, was a huge fan at 16 long before the movie) and thus know what a ROUS is. I did not ever receive the sex scene, but did read every (non-horror) William Goldman book ever written - and he is one of my main inspirations for truly wanting to be a writer. And, not shockingly, I was a nudist from a young age. Would run down our neighborhood streets stripping clothing off as I went, my older sister trailing after me in horror.

Thanks for the fun list and all the great posts all year. Happy holidays!

gae

Falen (Sarah Ahiers) said...

there is a lot to talk about on this post -
1st, i also can't watch the Office. It just upsets me too much. Every once in awhile i'll catch an episode that's OK (like when michael burns his foot on the george foreman grill)
2. i didn't even know there was a lunar eclipse last night and now i'm bummed. Of course, it was snowing so we wouldn't have been able to see it, but still
3. I also had pet rats. They were awesome and i kind of miss having them. I'd probably consider it if we had more room
4. i was a slow reader too, until i discovered Christopher Pike in 5th grade
5. i also want to have a paranormal experience and am always a bit jealous when i hear/read about others'
6. Sleeping naked is awesome. Once you start you can never go back (unless you're freezing cold, but even that's rare)

Teresa aka JW said...

Yay, there are others out there who DO NOT like The Office. I am not alone. I have a great sense of humor and yet I don't find it funny. I've even (made myself) watched more than one episode to give it a chance.

I am not alone. I am not alone. I am not alone.

You can have Shaun. My heart belonged to his older brother.

T

Hart Johnson said...

Tessa-I won't hold it against you--hardly can when I have several in my family!

Rusty--I'd even take the door creaking if there was no evidence of a breeze!

Megan-teehee Your turn?

Gae--Love it! Lots of stuff in common! And EXCELLENT dish on Princess Bride! now I want the missing sex scene!

Sarah-my family keeps insisting I should like it... and I swear it isn't just because it's slow... it's the mean-spirited ignorance! And we've got a ton in common, too!

Teresa-Parker Stevenson was pretty handsome, too--my college boyfriend actually looked a lot like him. I think if I were older, I would have liked him better...at 11 though... I mean look at Shaun... he was PERFECT for an 11-year old... (poor guy)

Devon Ellington said...

Y'know, you either get the chillblains running naked in the snow or burn your butt getting too close to the bonfire! ;)

But I do love the Solstice. We got 13 inches of snow yesterday.

Merry, merry!

Ann said...

Not an Office fan either...though like yours my family loves it. A little too cold to Get Naked here with 33 inches of snow and now icy sleet falling. But no objections to you flouncing around the bonfire in celebration. Knock yourself out! LOL!

Holly Ruggiero said...

This was a great post! I love rats. They are so sweet - except those large scary one in the park...

Dawn said...

OMG, it was like you were baring MY soul, but then you said you didn't like the ROUS. I LOVE the ROUS. (Though, I will not touch my stepdaughter's pet "regular size" rodent :-)

RaShelle said...

Hart - Shaun Cassidy and Andy Gibb were AWESOME!!! I loved leg warmers, too. I've never seen a single episode of The Office (total weirdo, I know).

Great 12 truths! Loved them. =D

Jamie Burch said...

I enjoyed reading your post! I'm not a fan of The Office either.

Happy Winter Solstice!

Hart Johnson said...

Devon-STAYING out there, yes, probably to cold... but just a run through? I'm jealous of that much snow!

Ann--33 inches!? Holy cow! And YAY for bonfires!

Holly- *high fives on rats* I really like mice, too... but rats are much maligned...

Dawn--Oh I LOVE ROUS for literature and viewing... but I wouldn't want to run across one!

RaShelle- YAY for late 70s hearth throbs! And how on earth have you avoided The Office? Lucky!

Jamie, thank you! To you, too!

Patricia Stoltey said...

I don't like The Office either (maybe because I've worked in so many that were almost as crazy). And I have always wanted to see a real ghost...until I get the opportunity and then I back out. Maybe someday.

ciaraknight said...

I can't stand the office, either. Loved Shaun Cassidy. After having three kids, so not into the nudity thing. LOL

Old Kitty said...

Wow!! Such secrets!!! Good grief! Aww but I'm glad you like rodents - cos I think they're intelligent and very cute and if I didn't have kitties, I'd have pet rats!!! Seriously!!!

And I loved Shaun Cassidy! *Scream" *Swoon* Da do ron ron ron, da do ron ron..!!! Oooh and Leif Garrett. "I was made for dancin.. oh oh oh all night long...."!! LOL!! Oh mega swoon....!!

And I'm still a very slow reader...!!

Thanks for sharing your awesome NAKEDNESS!!! Take care
x

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I had pet rats too! Ben and Socrates. They used to ride around on my shoulder. And you should've lived in the house I grew up in as a child - it was definitely haunted.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I still have clothes from high school, but they're all concert t-shirts. (I saw a lot of concerts as a teen.)

Hart Johnson said...

Patricia-that probably feeds into it. I had a boss at one point who maybe had too much in common with Michael... I'd almost forgotten him *shivers*

Ciara-oh, I'm not HOT/sexy naked... I'm COMFORTABLE naked.

Jenny- YAY for rat lovers! But yeah, Charlie probably woulnd't be happy. Our cat used to watch the rats, but the rat knew she couldn't get him. teehee--oh Leif Garrett *snort*

LDiane-Great names! Yes, the shoulder was a good spot! Though there was always the risk he'd get tangled in my hair.

Alex-Yeah, the t-shirts I kept mostly had some sort of sentimental value like that--a place I went or somethign.

kangaroobee said...

When our family first moved to Canada we didn't like the US version, maybe we've been here too long because now we do *sorry* English btw. Have you ever watched the UK version of the office?

There's an award for you on my blog, Merry Christmas

Catherine

Caledonia Lass said...

Hehe, awesome, totally awesome. I graduated in 88...*shifty* ANYway, loved the eclipse last night. It was cool. And I know people grounded in the hear and now who have had a paranormal experience, don't give up hope! Merry Christmas...I'll consider the nude thing. ;)

mshatch said...

I used to like Shaun's older brother, David, of Partridge Family fame. I used to write my initials and his inside a heart on the foggy windows of the bus. I think I was in sixth grade.

Cheeseboy said...

I will have you know, I am IN Offspring's video for "Gotta Get Away".

I love the Office, but Michael is a little grinding.

Adina West said...

I with you on points 7 and 8. Though those shorts from high school really REALLY don't fit anymore. I just like remembering how tiny I was. Kinda a self torture thing.

The solstice (Winter for you, Summer for us southern hemisphere types) does seem important in traditional calendars. I actually went out to dinner tonight with my mother-in-law to celebrate the solstice, only I didn't know that was what I was celebrating. So thank you for enlightening me! (and thanks to Wikipedia too)

Only problem is it's meant to be a Winter solstice thing and we're kinda in the wrong hemisphere, but she doesn't let that stop her...