Saturday, October 23, 2010

Sneaksy

So you may not know this about me, but... I'm a big cheater!

Okay, so not usually, but I am killing two birds with one stone with today's blog... You see... Rachael, at Rach Writes has issued a Blogger Crusade Challenge in which we needed to start a blog with that! HA! My CHEATING comes into play because I am using it to link to a post I wrote already... But here... I will use the phrase again to make up for it...

You may not know this about me, but a couple weeks ago I tried out to be a guest blog for Nathan. I'm not that serious a wannabe (really I'd rather just dress him up and make him dance like I like) but the chance to reach a darned big audience tempted me... and I succumbed... I deserve a spanking.

But I promised HERE that if I didn't make it THERE, I would share it with you anyway... you get me better than all those silliness peeps anyway... (okay, maybe WE are the silliness peeps, but we sure seem to have a lot more fun and a fair amount less pretense... not NATHAN—I am thankful for what he does, but I frequently get annoyed with his commentors, even if I sometimes AM one. --is my hypocrisy showing?)

So REALLY rather than being a big cheater, I just am sort of sneaksy as to how I apply the rules...

Now without further ado... my GUEST POST THAT WASN'T!


Bloginality:  The The Type of Bloggers and their Attitudes

I recently had a heated debate with one of my writing peeps.  You see... she doesn't blog.  She thinks we are all a lot of brown-nosing ninnies, blowing smoke up each others' skirts.  And while I am not opposed to a little skirt peeping (provided they are kilts, worn in the traditional 'commando' manner, I mean) I just couldn't take the disrespect, so I decided to assess the VIEW of blogging from the viewpoint of blogger 'types'.

Pre-blogger:  "What a bunch of literary masturbation that is! A bunch of people all writing about themselves and screaming, 'Hey!  Come look at ME!  Read what I have to say!'" *cough*  Masturbation is engaged in by billions... it is ENJOYABLE.  Some people even like to WATCH (can I say that here? Was I supposed to stick to PG?)

Promo-blogger: "My agent and editor said I have to blog... 365 days all about my book, book and more book!  But dang it, why doesn't anybody ever return?" Okay kind friend... because we read about the BOOK the first time.  If you say nothing new, I don't need to come back.  In fact... if I didn't know about the book ALREADY, I probably wouldn't have wandered in.

Eager-Beaver-blogger:  "HEY!  I can get an agent this way!  If I follow all the agent blogs and make really clever comments, they will pick ME!  This is GREAT!" These folks are a little like Jack Russells... real cute until they annoy you to death.  They are NOT however, as smart as Jack Russells.  Getting agents by blog is a 1 in 132,000,000 shot. (yes, I'm a statistician)

Anti-blogger: "It's prostitution!  You are out there begging for comliments and nobody is going to tell you what they really think.  You've sold out!"  Oh, sweetness... ALL business is prostitution.  If you ever want to get published, you are going to have to prostitute yourself a little bit.  If you give in to the FUN part of it, it is much less painful.  If you refuse to engage, then your book will likely never get read. If you get naked, maybe you will be a best seller one day.

Follower-frenzied blogger:  "If I follow everyone and their dog, and hold giveaways and contests, and enter every blogfest, I will soon have a thousand followers!"  You might.  You might not.  This is the suck-up from high school who KNEW everybody but nobody liked because they were incapable of true friendship.  The followers WILL probably show up... the readers will go away again because there is no reciprocity.


Networking blogger:  "You know... I can't keep up well, if I try to keep up with everyone, so I am going to pare down my blogroll to the bloggers I really read, and I will follow people I can count on when I really need to work the system."  This smart cookie of a blogger has a ton of helpful links, passes on EVERYBODY'S contests and promos, and is really fighting the good fight.  But she is probably not nurturing HERSELF.  Some people may LOVE this, but it takes a certain personality.

Enlightened blogger: "I do this because I enjoy it.  If people like me, they will come.  If I like them, I will follow them back.  But I'm not too worried about the hype.  I am just processing.  It's all good." I envy this person, not worried at all about the hit counters or the follower numbers... only reading what they have time for, content with a handful of comments a day (because the commenters they have REALLY LOVE THEM.

As for me, I suppose I am a masturbating, networking prostitute.  I've always said, if you want people to keep coming back, you either need to be helpful or entertaining, and I'm not really a utility model.

***

So there you have it... I think Nathan just may not have wanted to be so naughty... definitely a man in need of lingerie training...

38 comments:

Mary said...

LMAO! You certainly nailed this one. I approaching blogging like books -- I return to those I feel at home with and check the others when I have a few minutes.

Boonie S said...

Interesting post.
I guess it all depends how you see yourself and what you aspire to. I consider myself to be largely without talent, and I aspire to having an enjoyable experience. It works for me - and Mrs S too.

Have a nice day, Boonie

Mark P Sadler said...

I blog at certain times for all of the above reasons but keep the masturbating for the porn sites!

Lisa said...

I love it. Since I'm not quite a year into reading/commenting on the blogs of people involved in the process of writing books or publishing, this helps me to see this side of it. I spent my first couple of years in the political blogging circles, then expanding to include humor blogs and life blogs and now literary blogs. Each circle has its patterns.

Does anyone else get burnt out and have to take a break from reading certain kinds of blogs? For example, I'll overload on blogs about craft and have to take a break for fear of becoming paralyzed.

M.J. Nicholls said...

Haha! Excellent. Very sharp. This could also be an account of the thought processes of the new blogger. I'm sure I've been through all those stages.

(I'd like to pretend I'm an "enlightened" blogger but that would be baloney).

Jenny Beattie said...

Excellent. I'm a mixture I guess. I've been through all those stages too and fix somewhere near the bottom two now.

Oooh, and I'm a fellow crusader come by to say hello.

Hart Johnson said...

Mary-that is a good way to do it. I, too have some I ALWAYS hit and some I only hit when I have time--though always feel more obligated to the bloggers who come in here regularly...

Boonie-you are always entertaining! And it does seem to work for you!

Mark- *snicker* I try to avoid a few of the types... only so many hours, and I just can't make myself on some--it would seem so much like WORK!

Lisa-I can see how the circles would be very different, and I easily get overloaded on the blogs that are chock full of information--I can only hold so much! I have a few go-to folks who seem to really get things across to me well, but other 'like blogs' I only seek out when I need the info.

I can TOTALLY see burn out, too on... say political blogs this time of year. I like a good argument now and again, but it riles me--daily would drain me.

Hart Johnson said...

Mark- Oh, you're enlightened on some level, or at least fake it well-- but I can see hitting all of these as we process...

Jenny-AHA! I knew you were a fellow crusader, as I just visited YOU! (and saw your Ourboros in my follower box)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Nathan missed a great opportunity, Hart!
I think I'm a mixture of the last two. And I can't remember the last time I looked at my stat counter.

erica and christy said...

Ha! We were just discussing this topic by email chat last night!! Hilarious, Hart.

DCAllen said...

I'm all of them wrapped up into one. Um, please follow my blog, but if you don't that's OK too. I just do it because I love it. Right.

LTM said...

well... you told me something smart about the Shark, and I'll tell you the same thing right back. :D did you forget? ;p

seriously, I bet you lost him at masturbation. He doesn't know/love you like we do and you know how those masses are...

As for this, awesomeness. I'm probably like the last two. Or something. :D

erica and christy said...

For the record, I am going to keep coming back because I am genuinely interested in what you have to say and am entertained by it! christy

RaShelle said...

Hart - Blogging and reading others' blogs is a blast! That was a lot of b's, but it's true. LOL. Too bad it didn't happen. Your posts woul've always been fun to read and received a ton of comments. He missed a great opportunity. =D

Hart Johnson said...

Alex-I think he was afraid of alienating the prudes... and prudes don't stick around HERE very long unless they like a little shock to the system now and again. Thank you!

Erica and Christy--HA! Okay I'm going to have trouble with the two in one thing... I thought it was Erica that had been mostly in here, but Christy, you are signed today... You two are trying to trick me, aren't you? Thank you both!

Chris-you have some great stuff and are FUN to read!

Leigh-you should know something about me and taking my own advice *shifty* And yeah... I KNOW there is no point in trying to impress HIM... and I know MOST of his readers would not GET me... but SIMON DID IT! [/pathetic twin plea]

RaShelle-I love it too... I wouldn't if I didn't let myself be sort of X-TREME ME, but as it is, I really do love it... (and I think people KNOW when people love blogging--it comes across, so I may have picked up some readers... probably almost as many as I would have given heart attacks)

Clarissa Draper said...

I am all of the above! Is that possible? And if not, can I make it possible? Me, I love blogging but I also like it when people read my blog. Sure I could blog just to talk to myself... self...self *do I hear an echo?* but what fun is that? Besides, I do enough talking to myself already. I know bloggers from each of these categories and personally, I'm glad you didn't make it PG.

CD

Stephen Parrish said...

I'm an enlightened blogger! Who knew?

Cool post.

Kassy with a K said...

*phew* And here I thought you were going to call out those nonsense bloggers who whine and rant a lot, and only occasionally contribute something worth thinking about... *cough* Anyway, I don't even know how you find out who's visiting, or how many people, or whatever else. I'll leave all that to you stats folks. :)

Rachael Harrie said...

Woohoo, thanks for taking part in my Crusader Challenge :) Very interesting categoties, think I've come across all those types in my travels. Which one(s) am I...??? Hmm, will have to think about that one ;)

Rach

Marieke said...

LOL Hilarious! :D I mostly blog because I like, no, I LOVE it. But I do admit, I like followers too. I'm a bit of a geek when it comes to numbers, and the follow app is a great way to satisfy that :P But mostly I just love hearing everyone's thoughts!

Hart Johnson said...

Clarissa-I think a lot of us go through a lot of the types over time, and yeah... most of us probably do a few of them with some regularity.

Stephen-HA! Well done!

Kas-I think you are fairly enlightened... ranty, angsty content is FINE... it is the manic OUT THERE thing I've mostly typed...

Rachael-I've seen them all, too... some I enjoy, some I run from. Anyone who leaves a comment in the blog, for instance, that just says 'come read my blog' who clearly hasn't even READ... probably not going to go look for them... and you may very well be several types!

Marieke-WELCOME! You sound a bit like me there... I blog because I love it... but I DO LOVE NUMBERS... they don't need to be HUGE number, but i definitely like GROWING numbers and worry if it seems like I am trending down.

Old Kitty said...

He might just give you a spanking though!

LOL!

Ooh Naked Tart you are ever so naughty!! I blog therefore I am! LOL!!

I daren't pigeon hole my blogging self - but would I get a spanking too if I say I'm (ahem, cough cough clear throat) erm... an enlightened blogger?!?!?!

Running away now! Take care
x

Chary Johnson said...

Wow! This was a really enlightening post. I suppose I am the last type of blogger who blogs because I like it. I don't care if I don't have hundreds of page views a day or the most followers. I really like the process of it and I really enjoy responding to those who leave comments. Many leave insightful comments that help to improve my writing.

Loved this post!

David L Macaulay said...

This post is well worth stealing. Tempting but I don't like wearing orange jump suits.

Cheeseboy said...

I had no idea that there were actual bloggers out there looking for agents to notice them. Really, I didn't. So I guess that doesn't make me one of those.

Really, I just blog to make people laugh. I'd be a stand up comic if I could, but blogging is the next best thing.

Ellen aka Ella said...

Hi Hart,
Brilliant Post; I think this should be in print, forewarn new bloggers lol!

I might be an enlighted pimp...not sure! I love visiting blogs and commenting, but sometimes I get behind~ I am a delayed enlighted pimp.

Ca88andra said...

I hope I'm working my way up to being an enlightened blogger... Glad I found your blog!

Hart Johnson said...

Jenny, I'm sure you know by now that I LIKE spankings...

And YAY for enlightened blogger friends! (Jenny and Chary both)

David-WELCOME! Always welcome to steal, so long as you CREDIT... which I suppose is more like borrowing really, but who needs to get hung up on semantics?

CB: You know I knew a CB in college. He was HOT. But never mind... You succeed on the laughter thing, and I'm SURE it is why you do so well with followers, though it doesn't hurt that your reciprocate...

Ellie-*snicker* Well pimping is one thing, but ENLIGHTED pimp is another entirely! Not bad at all!

Ca88andra-I think we'd ALL like to be enlightened, but it sure is easier to relax when... there is a critical mass or something, yes? Unfortunately, the boundary on that keeps bumping...

Walter Knight said...

Did you say you should be spanked?

SWAT!

I hope I was helpful.

Adina West said...

Very funny Hart, and scarily accurate. Like many others I'd have to say I'm working toward enlightenment but not quite there yet. Give me time.

Love all the nudity around here and the fact that you're NOT PG. Keep on doing what you're doing.

:-)

Rayna M. Iyer said...

Why he didn't post this, I do not know, but it's his loss.

Me? I blog because I love to blog. I blogged for a whole year with practically no readers or followers, but never missed a day. It is nice to have as many followers as I now have, but the really nice part is not the actual number, but the fact that so many of them are such lovely people- how would I ever have met them if not for my blog?

Rachel Morgan said...

Ha ha ha! Noticed myself in a few of those blogger types ;-) Reminds me of a Facebook Types e-mail I recentely received - hilariously accurate. Thanks for the entertaining read :-)

Rachel Morgan said...

Ha ha ha! Noticed myself in a few of those blogger types ;-) Reminds me of a Facebook Types e-mail I recentely received - hilariously accurate. Thanks for the entertaining read :-)

Grandpa said...

Hi HJ, sorry I took a while to return your visit. Love your blog, and your story

Hart Johnson said...

Walter--Wahoo! A spanking! A spanking!

Adina-Yes... STRIVE for enlightenment... I sure know some who are, but I'm not there yet...

Natasha-you, on the other hand, are enlightened!

Rachel-you echoed! Yeah, I see myself in a few, too!

Grandpa-thank you! And welcome!

sue said...

I'm with Rayna on this, I'm new, and discovered I like the process (and really missed it when I couldn't access properly for 6 weeks).
There's something about having to get my thoughts down clearly rather than all muddled in my head that feels good, and maybe some of my pieces might just help someone somewhere. And it's so rewarding when people do visit and comment - I kind of go "oh wow isn't that cool".
BTW your site is easier to load now, simple and uncluttered - thanks.

kar_took said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kar_took said...

This is FAB. I think this is the first blog I've read which isn't strictly PG, and I love it. I havn't thought about what kind of blogger I am, but I guess I used to be all about the process. Since I discovered that 'stats' part of blogger I've gotten maybe teeny bit carried way with checking it nd I do follow way to many blogs to keep up with.

Its a shame it didn't go out as a guest post, it sounds like some blogger could do with a boot up the backside.