Oh, I know… most people wait for an agent, a publishing contract, and a book release date before they plan their book tour, but I am primed to send my “sure, I’d love you to be my agent!” and sign my 4.5 million dollar advance contract—though I suppose I may not get THAT until the trilogy is done… still, one can’t plan too far ahead for success, so here I go.
What is this plan? I have a friend from college, Kara Sorensen who does acupuncture, but also acupressure for FOOD CRAVINGS—and she can teach people by phone or Skype to do it FOR THEMSLEVES. How cool is that? Learn a skill and it is yours forever. I’ve had great success with Weight Watchers in the past, but the last few starts have been abruptly halted by conferences or grants for work… I somehow no longer seem able to accommodate stress and change and stay on plan (damn 40s)… So I am giving the plan this booster shot, and my hopes are high.
I will look HOT by my round-the-world book tour (and maybe I will even fit my winter pants—something not looking so good right now).
Because I will have my hot new body, and my hot large advance, I will be packing a lot of BLING. (you didn’t think a nudist would go clothes shopping, did you?) I LOVE big earrings… I like sparkly things… sorta keen on strappy sandals, though they are usually lacking in arch support… and I will need to pack lots of presents for my friends who have been supporting me since all I wrote was Harry Potter fan fiction…
Every good book tour starts in New York City, right? So I will rent the penthouse of a fancy schmancy hotel and invite my eastern seaboard buddies to join, then we will do readings and signings at all those big book stores. Then we will travel down the east coast, where I will be booked on the Diane Rehm show, because she is the ultimate sign of author success in my mind, then continue around the US.
THEN, I will be able to get back to writing again…
Okay, fine, so only the preparation part will really go this way (I intend to actually get on track, and I LOVE calling it my book tour plan)… but it has sure been a fun twenty minute fantasy, ne?