Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Ever After

You know how I'm mean and rotten, right? Well today, I am inflicting my nasty self on YOU. I am here to disillusion you. To SQUASH your rose colored glasses to smithereens. I am jerking the JO out of your MOJO. I hate to do it, but I promise, it will be better for you in the long run.

Happily Ever After is a FARCE written to trick little girls into good behavior and submission. It is a MYTH. You heard me. IT DOES NOT EXIST!!!


Now before you all run off crying like mamby pambies, I do want to throw you this lifeline... I believe in Happily MOSTLY After. I'm just saying, after you find each other, there is a lot of WORK WORK WORK, and most people are a little bad at that part and so those with Happily EVER After illusions have to live with Happily SHORTLY After. Whereas those of you undergoing shock treatment today, as a LOVING SERVICE BY ME—Your Tart in Service—will know... If you put in the work, and forgive a lot (because all of us are pretty darned thoughtless at least now and then, and downright MEAN when we are scared, super angry, or insecure)... then that Happily MOSTLY After is yours for the low price of trying harder than you think your partner is... a lot harder (he will think HE is trying a lot harder... this is the nature of perceptions)



So Now the (easy) QUIZ. What is REAL and What is a BIG FAT LIE?



Evergreen Trees:   REAL (these are in Oregon-- I was stunned, when I moved to Michigan in 2000 to learn some forests were NOT Evergreen... it had never occurred to me.)












Evergreen College: SURreal: No majors. No grades. They do give degrees though, and students love it... and apparently learn quite a lot, though some of it more in the 'life' realm.






Everlasting Gobstoppers: Gross exaggeration:  As sited in movies...


as sold in stores...

Everclear, the band: REALLY REAL (I heart them: Art Alexakis is the best songwriting storyteller ever) *cough*

Everclear the beverage: Unreal (or maybe that was just a blackout)—there might or might not be college incidents to disclose related to this, but I deny every one of them... (it was illegal in Idaho, but Oregon is more liberal on such matters.)


Ever AFTER: BIG FAT LIE (and the 50s was the last time any thinking woman believed it... men believed it until the 80s because that 60s-80s thing when women worked AND did all the family/housekeeping stuff was pretty darned good for them)



There. So now you're smart. Keep in mind you probably are going to now protest romance novels, but maybe we can change the genre a bit. That might or might not be my own personal agenda *shifty*


And I have Four E Blogs to share, largely because I really love all these ladies and a little because when there are 4 E Blogs I ALWAYS hit, I would feel badly only excluding one or two (see, I'm not as rotten as I act)

East For Green Eyes: Rosie and I are pretty sure we would have been best buds if not for geography and generation (even if she does have a shoe fetish I understand not at all)--but getting geeky on linguistics is just hot.

Ella's Edge: Ellie is a stable oasis in this turbulent writing world—always genuine, calm and fabulous

Erica and Christy: these ladies are a pair I met because Erica did ABNA with me last year (this year, too) and I discovered she is part of the band of us on the Cancer/Gemini cusp who think so much alike...)

and Everything Emerald: and Marjorie and I have been friends since the Harry Potter Days, part of the mad universe of people who are all now family.


I hope you will check them all out!


And Happy Hing Day to All!!! (I might just explain that, when H comes around)

45 comments:

Sarah Mäkelä said...

I love Gobstoppers. As for Happily Ever After, I don't know. I agree that marriages and relationships DO take work, but I wouldn't say that the belief in happily ever after is wrong or a lie. =)

Trisha said...

Re: HEA, this entry reminded me of that part in the SATC movie where she was reading the book to Charlotte's daughter and trying to instill a lesson in her ;)

mooderino said...

Yes, but Prince Charming, he's real, right?

damyantiwrites said...

Happily ever after..now there's an interesting topic :) But I think you've said nearly all there is to be said about it, and I agree.

Niki said...

I found my Prince Charming :o)))))

Siv Maria said...

You didn't just figure this out did you? LOL, Willie Wonka is as close as it get to prince charming...if you ask me. Great post, running off to check your links.

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

Good point about the work involved in a relationship!

Gosh, yes...haven't thought about Everclear (or heard about it) since college...

M.J. Nicholls said...

What about happily ever MAYBE after? You always need an escape clause.

Cathy Webster (Olliffe) said...

Hart, you were all over the E! And here I was e-less. Nice to meetcha!

Rachael Harrie said...

Happily Mostly After - very interesting illusion-buster, and so true for many people, I think :)

Love your mythbusters :)

Hugs,

Rach

Old Kitty said...

Oooh you are even sexier when you are NAKED AND MEAN - (realistic!!) !! :-) Take care
x

Laura said...

Strict to be kind - today, I sit here knowing exactly what you mean. Especially about the perception as to who's doing the most work :)
Lx

Hart Johnson said...

*giggles* Once in a while my snarky streak comes bursting through... I suppose it's lovely that a few of you still believe... Thanks for lovely comments everyone!

RosieC said...

You can't possibly be mean if you're sending traffic my way :) Thanks so much for the plug! Sorry if you don't understand my show fetish, but sometimes a girl just needs to drool over a pair of Jimmy Choos (that she'll NEVER be able to afford).

Hing day? Yeah, I'll be looking for that explanation.

I don't believe in happily ever after, and I try to keep it out of my books, too, but it's hard. I feel like society has conditioned me to some extent. I'm working on it, though. I'm still pretty green to this whole writing thing :)

Rosie
East for Green Eyes

Bz said...

Nice to meet you through the A-Z challenge :) I loved your picture with your daughter on an earlier post! :) Thank you for sharing!

SFDaddy - Bryan said...

I hate putting a The End book down, if everything is all tied up in a pretty little bow at the end of the story, it's truly fantasy and I feel a little ripped off as a reader.

Yum, gobstoppers, but I'm still waiting for the lickable wallpaper, aren't you?

Bryan ~ SF Daddy

Talli Roland said...

Hing Day? Hmmm? Please explain when H comes around!

I love Gobstoppers. I mean, LOVE. Shame you can't get them on this side of the ocean.

VR Barkowski said...

I DESPISE happily every afters, DESPISE them. Tell me a story, no matter how unconventional, funny or bizarre. Tell the story well, and I will suspend disbelief. But add an HEA, and you’ve lost me. Suddenly, it’s only a story. That's because life doesn’t come in forevers, ever afters, or perpetuities. Real people don’t have happiness to infinity and beyond.

Sarah Ahiers (Falen) said...

i mean, who doesn't want an everlasting gobstopper, amiright? No one, that's who

Sylvia Colette Branch said...

stories that end with Happily ever after...should have an addendum, the Paul Harvey commentary, "and now for the rest of the story"
Excellent post...nearly extraordinary ;)

A to Z blogging challenge

http://www/sylviebranch.com

Sherrie said...

Hi!
Yes, you have to work at Happily Ever After. I've had mine for 42 years. But believe me it's taken lots of WORK. Have a great day!

Sherrie
Just Books
http://sherriesbooks.blogspot.com/2011/04/to-z-blogging-challenge_06.html

Ann said...

I knew the H-E-A was a cruel joke to lull girls into submission at a very young age. But I did hope there was a Somewhat Happy. Thankfully I found the Somewhat!

Michael Offutt said...

Oh how depressing. Does happily ever after exist for anyone?

Hart Johnson said...

Fine friends, I WILL explain HING. I promise. And I DO love gobstoppers, but they are NOT everlasting... (though they are long lasting)...

*giggles*

Susan Oloier said...

I'm glad you wrote this post. I cannot bring myself to write happy endings. That's not to say they are tragic. But as I writer of realistic, contemporary fiction, I think it is important to keep it real. So, I agree, there is no happily ever after in the traditional sense.

Beth said...

Awesome post not to mention hilarious. I love this.
bethfred.com

Matthew Vanacore said...

Great post! You provide sound insights into why the idea of "Happily Ever After" can lead to a harsh reality. Though, I don't agree that such optimistic fanciful thought doesn't exist, I still think your analysis is reasonable.

The Evergreen tress picture is beautiful!

Marjorie said...

I don't believe in happily ever after. Maybe Pissed off ever after or pissed off until divorce. Or Happily Mostly after like you said.

Thank you for mentioning my blog. My blog really can be good when I pay attention to it.

Alison said...

". . . and they lived Happily Mostly after, with a nice pre-nup, in a two up, two down condo."

Works for me!

Langley said...

You crack me up.

Dafeenah said...

I could not agree more. I am gonna have to check out this evergreen school. It sounds very interesting.

Dafeenah

hsoister said...

I had to laugh -- my niece goes to Evergreen and loves it. Seems it has high standards while using a very different class model.

Crystal Pistol said...

so true! Hear! Hear! or is it Here! Here!...?

We love Fairy Tale versions of Happily Ever After because it's what we desire, not becuase it's Real.

WORK. WORK. WORK. Reward. Truer words were never spoken.

Cindy said...

Lots and lots of E's.. Happily ever after, so true. But what would be the fun in just floating along always after that pivotal moment anyways?

RaShelle said...

Girl, you are freaking me out! LOL Seriously, my blog post is a little different than your. Once again, though, we used the same word. EVER! Ha! Ha! We R AWESOME. =D

GigglesandGuns said...

Another bubble burst. No ever after, whatever will become of romance. *sigh*


MaryV

Jan Morrison said...

geez tartlette, I hope that isn't true. I'm on my fourth major relationship (what are the signs of a major relationship? children - maybe, mortgages - yes) and I don't have that much ever left so...
Jan Morrison

Alison Miller said...

Awesome post! I still believe in happily ever after though - I need that hope to get me through querying. :)

Not Just Another Mother Blogger! said...

Oh, I got over the 'Happily Ever After' a long time ago, and I've never missed it. As they say, if it were that easy, where's the fun?

Great post!

Sylvia van Bruggen said...

As a kid I didn't believe in happily ever after. My male rolemodels in life were too annoying for me to believe in it!

SweetMarie83 said...

The dreamer in me wants to believe in happily ever after - as does the writer in me, to be honest - but the realist says it's not often the case. After all, in the stories that are so famous for happily ever afters, like Cinderella and other Disneyfied stories, how do we know they really lived happily ever after and that Prince Charming didn't get fat and bald and lazy and Cinderella went back to being a slave? Can we really take their word for it? ;-) Great post!

bendedspoon said...

Happily MOSTLY After is better -- got to be real! I Enjoyed your offerings :)

bendedspoon said...

Happily MOSTLY After is better -- got to be real! I Enjoyed your offerings :)

Margaret Hall said...

Ummmm. Yeah!! Happily until the new wears off, then there is the challenge of really seeing the dirty clothes layin' around and the burps at the table...Then, the second time around, (YES, the second time!) it doesn't get close to Happily Ever After~!! It gets nitty-gritty right away~!
Love your post..sorry I was late!

http://timeforabucketlist.blogspot.com/
http://imagesinthought.blogspot.com/
http://the-old-story-tree.blogspot.com/
http://bagladythoughts.blogspot.com/

erica and christy said...

here we are, here we are (jump up and down)

dang, that conference was exhausting before, during, and after. now we're back, thank goodness!! thanks for the shout-out (um, a few days ago)!
erica