Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Mo-o-om (3 Syllables)

So my kids fly to Idaho (or Spokane, Washington, actually) this morning... I thought I would allow you to be a fly on the wall from when I got home from work at five last night.

“Mo-o-om, where's dad's camera case?” (I heard this as camera and case)

Response: find camera next to my laptop, put in case, hand off to daughter.

“No-o-o; I don't nee-ee-ed the caaaa-mer-a.”

“Mo-o-om, where are my skinny jeans?” (from son in basement)

Response: remove camera from case, hand daughter case, noting boyfriend (hers, not mine) lurking quietly in corner; I exit, shout from top of stairs, “I need to do some laundry!”

“They're not the-ere!”

“They're there.”

“No, I looked. They're not there!”

“They are. I saw them.”

“Theyyyyyyyy're no-o-ot there!”

“Mo-o-om!” (daughter, upstairs again, though I am now in basement noting the hubby is well trained... all laundry is going.  Consider favors to bestow on him. Jerk self back to reality.)

Response: “What?!” (shouted through floor)

“Come he-ere!”

Response: Climb stairs, from living room shout, “What?”

“I forgot my cap and goggles at practice.”

“Call D**** and ask her to get them for you.”

“No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o, I have to have them! I can't swim when I'm in Idaho.”

Response: fetch own personal goggles from room and bring to daughter.

“No these are crap!” (note the short crisp words of rejection--crap is not a word one needs to drag out)

Response: Deep breathe in effort to not strangle daughter. Return goggles to my room.

“Then I'm not swimming!”

Response: Ingore ingrate.

“Mo-o-om!” (from basement) “Where are my skinny jeans?”

“In the laundry!” (considers hail Mary, though has never been Catholic)

Hubby the saint: “I put everything in the laundry because Sam wanted those jeans.” (remember I was considering considerable favors)



“We have...”

“No, no, no; it'sCRAP!”

“It's fine. We've got three of the Secrets.”


*heavy sigh *

“I'll tell you what. You can just give me my money you owe me, and we will go.”

*deep breathing* "We will go after dinner. I will get you guys some snacks, too.”

(Son has arrived upstairs, begins hopping) “Snacks? Snacks? What kind of snacks?” (still bouncing: son likes snacks)

“Mostly healthy. It's breakfast time. But maybe a pack of Pop Tarts or something.”



I'd like to say it ended there, but in actuality, it continues as you read. Fortunately, I pass them off at 7am, and they are somebody ELSE'S problem for a week. Not that I won't hear about anything they do that indicates bad parenting, but I DO know they behave better away from me, at least for a couple days.

But for NOW... I have a week off... at least during my down time. I plan to FINALLY finish typing my Cozy, and hopefully make SIGNIFICANT progress on the editing.

So Happy HING Day!!!!


Ted Cross said...

Scary! My two boys are so sweet, but I am terrified about what the teen years might do to them.

Rayna M. Iyer said...

Now you are scaring me. I can normally glare down Thing 1 and don't bother even trying to reason with Thing 2, but what will things be like five years down the line?

Old Kitty said...

Mooooo-ooo-ooom!! :-)

I think you did very well under the circumstances!!LOL!!

Enjoy your week editing! Good luck!

Take care

Boonie S said...

Amusing post. Have a good week.


Alexandra Crocodile said...

Poor you! Why can't your son do his own laundry and go to the store himself to buy deodorant? Maybe you do it differently in the U.S:)

sue said...

Yep, I could hear it all, not much has changed. Typical that they think your goggles/deodorant are crap. It was kind of nice to revisit that stage - happily survived by all. Enjoy the break and the silence!

Amy said...

Haha, this made me laugh so hard! I was hearing the drawn out syllables in my mind, and it reminded me so much of when I was a teen.

Hart Johnson said...

*giggles* Yeah... teens are something else, though I should confess my daughter has been a teen since she was 4... I am in my 12th year of it with her (I think that isn't that uncommon for girls)--my son has only been a teen since starting middle school a year ago, though he was only 10 then...

Alexandra--the SON (of the pants) probably COULD do laundry, though at 11, he is just now old enough to consider it. The DAUGHTER (of the deoderant) can drive, but only if I go with her, as she only has a permit. Ann Arbor has no stores a reasonable distance to walk--set up very badly to not have a car.

Sue-I will probably see it more fondly when it is OVER, too...

Dawn said...

I think I recognize many elements of that conversation :-) Happy week of editing and writing!

Sugar said...

Sounds like my house! I really need to remember to write down the 'cute' things they say, or I may go mad remembering all the crappy things :)
I do have to say, I have gotten good at ignoring the whining...not sure if that's a good thing or not.
oh get this. my youngest (9) keeps reminding me whenever I say something about teenagers, that she will be a preteen in a couple years. OMG!

LTM said...

Hell, mine ALREADY do the whole Moooom thing. At least the oldest does, and #2's only 11 mos behind... it drives me bananas...

The good news: glad boys are wearing skinny jeans again. Those smugglers pants were just awful. ;p

Holly Ruggiero, Southpaw said...

You need to post a warning at the top of your post. “Put your coffee down, swallow before you proceed.” I’m sorry for your morning but it was fun to read.

Jan Morrison said...

Oy! I don't have this problem. It is always me yelling upstairs to kids and hearing "Whuuuuuuu at?" instead of "Yes, step-mother dear? You want to tell me about dinner? that is why you yell each day at the same time? Oh, I like dinner. OK - be right down." urgghh.

Carolyn Abiad said...

Very amusing post...if we don't laugh about this stuff it WILL drive us crazy! Have a relaxing week Hart!

@LTM, skinny jeans came back after "Pants On The Ground" ;)

Cold As Heaven said...

Without kids there would be less fun (at least seen in retrospect). Teens are not that bad, or at least they're more fun than b ad >:)

Cold As Heaven

Hart Johnson said...

Dawn, I think MOST parents of teens recognize it!

Sugar-they say cute things? (actually sometimes they do, so good point!) (I'm a good ignorer too, but it gets me in trouble with the hubby)

Leigh-yeah, it DOES start early. You like the skinny jeans, eh? I am okay with the straight legs--Levi's are good--the skinny though, bug me because they STILL don't pull them up!

Holly-Oops! I think most of my family ones are either laugh or cry (or ANGRY eyes)... just for future reference. That seems to be the only times I feel compelled to do the family thing here...

Jan--Oh, I suppose I do some obnoxious speak, too... the worst is the mimicking. I tend to respond exactly as they first speak, though yesterday I was busy deep breathing...

Carolyn, that video it pretty funny... I am always baffled by the pants that aren't covering ANY butt... then again, pants sort of baffle me anyway.

CaH-I can tell you have sons. *shifty* My daughter is SO MUCH harder. The son was higher maintenance as a toddler, but he has been MUCH easier since about age 3.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You need the break! If they were mine, they would've never seen their fifth birthday.

Simon C. Larter said...

WTF is Hing Day? Isn't hing that godawful-smelling spice you put in hummus to flavor it and reduce gassiness? Isn't it also known as Devil's Dung?

Now I'm REALLY wondering what you meant by that.

Hart Johnson said...

Alex-I take it you HAVE no children? Or do you have some mysterious, unknown-to-me well behaved variety?

Simon: Hing is a Burrow word. There etiology can be found here:

Deb said...

Next time they go away, just before they are leaving, replace all their cool things with the "crap". It won't help at all with their brat-aviour but you will spend the week with a shit eating grin on your face and a glass of wine in your paw!

Jane Kennedy Sutton said...

Oh, the joys of motherhood!) Enjoy your writing/editing week.

Hart Johnson said...

*cackles madly* Deb, I think I love you!

Jane, thank you!

Anonymous said...

Oh my. May I recommend you for sainthood even though I'm not Catholic either? Wow... Enjoy your week of relative peace and silence! [And I'm going to try and forget this post lest I look at my toddler and think of him doing these things in ten years...]

Cheeseboy said...

I never did hear what happened with those skinny jeans and that deodorant!

I think I like my kids at age 8 and 4.

Walter Knight said...

I loved the peek into your day. My favorite sayings when raising my kids were, "Learn the hard way" and "You'll be OK when the pain stops."

Now, when I put those words into one of my novels, my kids roll their eyes as say, "Dad, I can see you in this book!"

Precious little angels.

Hart Johnson said...

Kimberly-I do think boys are a little easier. And I think SOME of my son's obnoxiousness is from emulating his sister. But it WILL come...

Cheeseboy--the deoderant was purchased and the skinny jeans found (in the dryer, mysteriously...)

Walter-thank you! It will be interesting to see what my kids think if they ever read my books... as of yet, they haven't tried, as the only polished ones are more adult. Daughter might like the Cozy once it's clean.