Brief Break

Some of you may have noticed a big giant FAIL on my part to get around adequately. Instead of a nice big dose of blog hopping, I have been down around 10 a day—visiting new followers and a FEW comment returns, but I am having trouble with it. The writing deadline at home and a swamped workload at work. So I think the best thing for me to do is take a break until I both have more time for thoughtful posts AND am in a position to reciprocate. The break will last until I get this revision back to my editor—I suspect by mid-week next week I should be back, but it really depends on my concentration. I have done first round on 2 of the three chapters under deadline, but there is research to do to fill in a little, and then a cleaning up... So we will see.

Anyway, I apologize for my absence and I super-duper double apologize for my low rate of getting around to see all of you.

I will leave you with a little amusement:

If you end up WITH pants however, it was BAD. Very BAD.

The science cats are always my favorite.

 

Where is a frog like this when you need him?

Anybody suspect we've been infiltrated?

We'll call this one gallows humor...

I'll miss you guys!

Fairy Godmuther Complaints

But not here... I am at Burrowers, Books and Balderdash today.

(is is bad that I kind of luuuurve him?)

What Do You MEAN High School?

Does he look ready for high school to you?

Last night we went to the first of what will be three high school visits to choose where my BABY—My Youngest Child... the LITTLE ONE, will go to high school. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

And whose idea was it to give thirteen year-olds CHOICES that will impact their lives for YEARS?

And how did I get so OLD?

OK, so mine weren't this cool...

Okay, that last may be the crux of the matter. And it shouldn't. Among my high school class I know GRANDPARENTS for Pete's sake. But somehow these milestones of the younger close a chapter that was my last grasp at young hipness... erm... never mind that I've never given a fig about being hip. (except maybe that badass Doc Marten phase in my late 20s)


The school we went to is the one my daughter attends. It is one of the original magnet high schools in the US, nearly 40 years old, but housed in a hundred year old stone building that was once an elementary school. It has been a great fit for my daughter, but I think it is flexible enough to also be a great fit for my very DIFFERENT son.

OK, no pom pon, either...

Speaking of which... how is it children from the same two parents can be so completely opposite? I've got my affectionate, artistic, passionate (possibly dramatic) daughter who likes hippie beads and incense (though country music, among other things) and my sarcastic, smartass, booksmart skater child [not that he has any sarcastic, smartass parents *shifty*]. (who is looking an awful lot like Where's Waldo these days—it is the combo of the new glasses and the striped hat—and yes, the swirly hair... Though Waldo wears his pants too high (gotta make sure the girls know you are a boxers guy, after all. Briefs are lame. And binding.) Son ALSO has four fingers on each hand, not three. Um... and blond hair. And prefers hoodies.

But I digress... [and there was much rejoicing].

So that isn't much of a blog. But YOU try to think straight when you get hit with your baby going to high school! Can't be done!

Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award 2012

Y'all know about my FOMS, right? No? FOMS is an acronym for Fear of Missing Something. Gimme an event and I'm in. Throw a party and I HAVE to go, because if I DON'T something might happen and I will have missed it!

But see, these writing events have an additional purpose besides proving I am paranoid about what goes on in my absence... They provide structure to my writing life.

I've written 12 books, right? But the only ones I've polished adequately to SHARE have had deadlines to get them polished by... I have my writing contract, so those fit, but the others? This Amazon Contest...


So you want the Scoop?

What the Heck is it?

The Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award is a novel contest whereby the winner(s) get a $15,000 writing contract with Penguin for their book! Now just to be clear, that $15K is an advance, so if you sell the heck out of the book, you get more money... and as advances to debut authors go, that is relatively generous, though it depends of course on genre. The only type of books that regularly do better than this, though, for an unproven author, are award winners and thrillers.


Who Can Enter?

I think you have to be 13... There are a handful of excluded countries and I don't KNOW why... You need to ENTER the book under the name you want it published under. You can't be an Amazon or Penguin employee... mostly though, it is first come first serve within the two week period submission is open.



WHAT Should Be Submitted?

Fiction. Novels. No non-fiction, no anthologies or collections. There are two categories, general and young adult. Each category will take 5000 entries. All entries should be between 50,000 and 150,000 words. This is a HUGE range (though I confess to having to pare mine the first time I tried). But honestly, this is more leeway than you will ever get from publishers, normally, (though some YA books, particularly 'middle grade' are shorter). There is a 'nothing offensive' rule that seems to be an 'only applied if...' but they don't include erotica, though sex and language that fit the story have never disqualified anyone that I know of. I think it is just 'genre erotica' that is out. Books can have been SELF published or NEVER published, but not published through anyone. (they ask you not to shop it while it is still in the contest, but that is shopping for PUBLISHER as I understand it--you can still query it. In fact that was how I ended up with Fabulous Agent #2--querying my semi-finalist.



When Does This Happen?

it happens when it's like this outside...

Submission this year is between January 23 and February 5, 2012. Now remember, first come first serve... that said, YA has never quite filled and general fiction takes several days (more than a week?) What I do is enter early and keep working on it—you can upload revised versions until they close, and they close when they are FULL or Feb 5. That way at least ONE version is in there, on the off chance they fill up, but they get (hopefully) better as I continue revisions.



HOW does one submit?

Go HERE and they will have the link and up to the date instructions. They don't currently have the entry links, probably because they are not yet open.


How is it Judged:

Round 1: 5000 per category becomes 1000 based on a 300 word PITCH. (hint: get a ton of feedback. The discussion boards have a spot for it. There is a facebook group for it. Ask experienced people. This is the round where your BOOK is not speaking for you—your marketing device is, and it is a different skill, so get help!)

Round 2: 1000 becomes 250 based on the excerpt. This is the FIRST 3000 – 5000 words. (hint: if your book hasn't reached the 'exciting part' yet, you will want to revise... but you would want to revise ANY book that takes that long if you are hoping for traditional publishing. Hint 2: leave it on a cliffhanger if possible. You want them craving more. So 3000 words that leave them craving is far better than getting every last word allowed in there... in fact I'd err toward the shorter end ANYWAY—the feeling of 'is it over already? Helps you.) [note: everybody who makes this round gets two reviews on their excerpt]--those who get past this round are 'quarter finalists'.

Round 3: 250 becomes 50. This is based on the whole book. Just make it as good as possible. Winners this round are semi-finalists (note, 50/5000 is top 1%, so this is a big deal)

Round 4: 50 becomes 3. This is based on Publisher's weekly editor reads of the semi-finalists (and all semi-finalists can use those reviews to help sell the book if they are good, improve it if not.) All 3 finalists—which is really 6, 3 from each category—get a trip to Seattle (or some other city they pick) for the final event where the winner is announced.



Why the Heck Would I Subject Myself to This?

It's FUN! It is actually set up to mirror the agent or publisher process well—pitch, partial, full, so it is a good experience, but when you query, you are ALONE. HERE, you do it with 9000 of your closest friends. Seriously—very supportive. It's a great bunch of people. And of course it provides the infamous deadline some of us really need.


If you have questions about rules and such, they are all here.



So who's in?! (Come on. All the cool kids are doing it!)

Helplessness: An Analysis

In my coping (and not) this weekend, I've been pondering something that strikes all of us in various places in life and I thought maybe we should talk about it a little bit.

Damn if I'm not a little bit of a control freak. But never mind.

Helplessness source

This weekend has had me thinking a lot about helplessness. Saturday's blog confessed that I was useless in a crisis, but that is PHYSICALLY useless. I just don't know what to do do save somebody. I mean I've had first aid (half a lifetime ago) so if they were choaking... or possibly even if they were not breathing... (no CPR skills, though I've seen it enough that if we were REALLY alone, I'd give it a shot)... but all that in between stuff. USE. LESS.

So HWMNBMOTI is home and physically okay, but his sense of panic... of not-rightness... has not subsided. It has left me tense and worried, too. I am not worried his physical problems have not been dealt with, but rather that his stress and emotional worries are manifesting themselves physically and that this risk won't go away until we deal with the big hairy monster of anxiety.


Anxiety isn't new to us.

When our kids were small, HWMNBMOTI was a 'stay-at-home-dad' and PART of our reasoning was his earning power didn't cover childcare for two kids. But part of it was an anxiety issue that cropped up during my first pregnancy. It is related to myriad issues of self-worth (or lack thereof) and CONTROL issues that can't be controlled in work environments. The latter made jobs dissatisfying in the extreme and the former made it really hard to look for work... not feeling worthy and all.


See, though. In thinking about all of this, even my uselessness is not fully worthless if I PAUSE and think about it.


PIECES and PEACES.

Problems are not large hairy monsters. They are armies. They can be divided, and different people can conquer pieces of the problem, and most problems I am capable of handling some portion of.

1)  I am so calm I've been accused of being comatose. Especially at work, I am hard to rile. I don't buy into the group panic, and I can break out my responsibility and get to it. Coworkers seem to love this. (though I have found tears useful when expectations are unreasonable)

2  )I am REALLY GOOD at breaking apart problems into pieces.

3)  I am ALSO good at talking down panicking people, and at LISTENING (something 99% of men I know are singularly bad at, just FYI—men want to fix it and often will give unhelpful suggestions just to be GIVING a damn suggestion...)

4)  I am also a pretty good advocate. Some people don't really see where their rights lie, and need someone to step in and say to [the professional or source of help] 'look. This is what's needed and nothing less will work.']

So I have broken down HWMNBMOTI's issues and advocacy and calm are indeed what I bring to the table. I've taken Monday off work to make the calls because at the moment he doesn't feel he 'deserves' to be a priority. He does. People count on him. Personally and professionally. But that self talk is powerful, and when there are physical issues compounding it...

And you know what? I made that decision on my walk with Oliver's person last night and I felt SO MUCH BETTER at just that: take the day off to advocate. Finally I had realized what I really could do to help.

The PEACE Piece

There are things really out of our control. There are things none of us can do anything about. Whether it is another person or a situation, life has a lot of stuff that just comes down, no fault or responsibility of our own. There is a SKILL to letting this go.

Once upon a time I attended AlAnon meetings for a loved one who was an addict. And I learned MANY lessons that will stick with me forever there. Say it with me:

NOT. MY. STUFF. If it is in somebody else's control, you can't let it impact you emotionally. Sure, you can feel a little sadness over someone's bad decision, but there is no guilt, no lingering anger or sadness. It is NOT YOUR STUFF. Let it go.

CAN'T CONTROL IT. Publishing is huge here. We can write the best book ever, but can't control who we are competing against for attention, how many books a company is willing to produce in a year, what readers want to read... A huge portion of this is not in our control. So don't pretend you can. It will only make you feel inept.

We need to make peace with all that stuff not in our control. It's not like it is a malicious design. It is just the setting.

One of the things I found helpful early on, especially when I was mad, was to write down what I resented or regretted, and then burn it. (add a little sage if you want to make it spiritual—sage is a spiritual cleanser). The other trick was writing it down and closing it into my AlAnon book (a Bible or other spiritual book would work here)--releasing it to 'your higher power' was the point, so if you are on speaking terms with your higher power, it will probably work well.

Some people meditate.

I've been known to power walk...

WHATEVER WORKS. But you need a system to let go of the stuff you can't change. Because there is a lot of stuff you just can't change...

Stress Response...

So yesterday afternoon I got a call... HWMNBMOTI's number... not him. It was my wonderful Couch to Keg partner... she was at my house because she'd been asked to help... HWMNBMOTI was having dizzy spells... thought he needed an ambulance.

Crap.

So I said I'd meet him at the hospital (I work for the Med School, so it is just a string of buildings away).

Call 5 minutes later. Same number. PANICKED daughter... sobbing, scared... 'Dad has to go to the hospital'.

“I know sweetheart, but then they will figure out what it is and fix it.”

So I headed over and met him at the emergency room as the ambulance arrived.

His vitals were all stable and the ER was PACKED so we had to wait a fair while. I could tell he was anxious—wondering what was taking so long. But he was also worried about our upset daughter at home. He had me go call and check in, but she was even MORE upset then because he hadn't gotten in to see the doctor yet.

We finally got him in there and the nurse asked a ton of questions, measured all the things he needed to measure, but HWMNBMOTI was getting progressively MORE anxious. He insisted I go home to check on our daughter. So I called daughter (she has a car through a research project and since I walk to work and HWMNBMOTI arrived by ambulance, I was without, so I had her meet me back at my office to give me a ride home.

As it turns out, the treatable disorder is an upper respiratory infection. He was given a few rounds of breathing treatments, prescriptions, and a long list of instructions (including that he had to quit smoking from each of the 47 people who came through his cube). But the dizziness had been a confluence of 3-12 hour days without eating hardly anything, low sleep, a head cold and because of the cold an increased use of his inhaler which can CAUSE dizziness.

He will be fine. Hopefully this is the butt kicking he needed to really quit smoking. He quit two years ago for 3 months, but hadn't tried again since.


What I wanted to note though, was this:


[begin Digression] last week one of our neighbors came over—she'd just gotten home and there was a bicyclist sprawled across the road unconscious. (it was icy, and an apparent bike wreck) HWMNBMOTI went out to check. The man came to—a neighbor, but he was disoriented (and bleeding from a large head wound). He didn't know who HWMNBMOTI was or what day or year it was. He kept trying to wander off, but HMNBMOTI talked him into waiting for the ambulance.[/end digression]

The point of that was how CALM he stayed. He helped the neighbor and told the ambulance people everything he knew, called around to find out if any other neighbors knew how to contact any relatives, as he lives alone. He's really great in a crisis.

Unless it's his crisis. When it is HIM, he gets panicky, and I learned, he and my daughter feed off each other badly. He's worried about her but she's only worried because of how upset he is... but it spirals into both of them panicking.

[note: she is lifeguard and CPR trained and at school has actually helped a fellow student having a seizure and near her work called an ambulance for a person who really seemed disoriented who was hovering outside—she is good in a crisis, TOO, normally]

But that feeding off each other was HUGE.

Now me, I am hard to rattle. But I am also pretty darned useless. I don't know what to do, don't carry a cell phone, so can't call directly. I've been known to knock on doors and ask someone else to call and to stay with someone who has something happen, but I KNOW NOTHING.

Yet had I been home, I would have insisted on driving (no ambulance) and going to Urgent Care (not the ER)--I probably could have talked hubby down a little. I am a person who tends to downplay things though, so maybe that is a lot of it. I am optimistic to the point of delusional and just assume things can't be THAT bad.

So how are you? Are you good in a crisis? Bad? Does it depend on who is hurt? Do you know what you're doing?

Kitteh fanx

You guys are the best. Yeh know... Yibus cheered me yesterday, so I am leaving you a little kitteh love today.


How was your New Year's Eve?  Good?  Was it THIS GOOD?

If you are having resolution trouble... you are not alone...

yeah. this.

We used to have a cat who did this. It is why we are solidly ROLL FROM UNDER at our house... (we also shut the lid because the same cat used to sit on the side of the toilet and scoop toilet water out of the bowl. She occasionally did it with the dog water too, but that was somewhat less disgusting, if no less slippery.

I captioned this one myself...

I wish all of you a happy Thursday and hopefully will be more coherent tomorrow!

Head in the Sand

I am participating in Alex's Insecure Writer's first Wednesday (check link for details and the list of other participants) and... the ether must have known I needed some content... *sigh*

So my agent called me yesterday. Now when an agent picks up the phone, you KNOW it is either good news or bad news... they are very busy and hardly have time to just chat and see how you are...

This was the bad sort.

Not horrible. Not... canceled contract or I hate this type news. But still... “You're going to need to make some changes.”


I don't know if it's me, but I always feel like I've been called out into the hall by the principal. Like somebody ratted me out for streaking through the gym, even though I had a bag over my head. I worry that I'm not just going to be asked to fix it, but I might get suspended or expelled because... well... maybe because I'm a FRAUD... Maybe I don't measure UP.


The reality of it is I didn't have enough rounds of revision, and one of the rounds that (oops) I really skimmed was infusing this GARDENING THEMED Cozy Mystery with... duh... GARDENING.

The trouble is I don't garden in real life. And I don't live in a zone 7. So every single detail of it has to be carefully researched... And I just fell down on getting enough of it in there that it FEELS like Gardening is a theme. I mean there are gardens and flowers. But... and here we hit the other 'my failing' things... I tend to run low on description (because honestly, I don't care to read it) and THAT is where much of this would go...


But what a bonehead thing to not remember to make sure I've done, eh?

This series really spoke to me when I auditioned for it because of the Public Relations and Media stuff—I've worked in that world and really felt like I had great character insight. And my research on Roanoke has been pretty good because ACTION requires people to go places and do things, so all that research sort of has to happen pre- or during writing. So somehow in my head I thought 'okay, just clean it up' rather than marking all the places it needed an infusion of flowers or gardening.

See, I got caught up in this torrid thing... and forgot gardening.

Maybe I need a Gardening 101 course so this stuff just comes more naturally into my brain.

Whatever the case, I'm feeling like a real Dunderhead and like I'd really just feel better if I could solve it all by detention with Snape.


Anybody ELSE die a little recently? Anybody have BIG goofs like that to confess? Recurring nightmares about anything?

Nothing to do but own it. Guess I just added to my January to-do list by A LOT.

What's So Funny?

Y'all know I am dark, mysterious and edgy, right? Some of you are even scared of me, yeah? No? Come on. Not even a little scared? You KNOW that is my goal in life! That and sexy and sleek... *nods*

My aspirations to be quirky and strange are... well... sort of the leftover result when I can't control myself? The result of not quite hitting that dark mysterious thing, so here I am, naked and awkward? But being me, I am practical and so thought, FINE. I will work with that. See... I don't MEAN to be funny. But the word is I am... And I guess if I can't be edgy and beautiful, funny is a pretty good alternative.

Today's blog is part of a Blog Carnival (which is like a festival, but you know... international) Christopher Allen is hosting it through the Language Place. The theme is really anything to do with humor. So I am analyzing my accidental humorousness and sharing a few places that make me laugh.


So back to the... I'm told I'm funny. And seriously, as suggested above, it wasn't really anything I tried for. Oh, sure. I suppose I'm easily amused... I do like to laugh. I particularly like to laugh WITH people... I love word play and innuendo.  Misattributing is even my superpower (you know... intentionally mishearing and responding to what you HEARD that is bizarre or funny, or IDEALLY, innuendo). Silliness in its purest form is good. (I even have a number of physical things I do that are funny, ranging from an egg drop off a diving board to my cartoon face).

But...

You know I am not a mainstream comedy fan for the most part. Sketch comedy often cracks me up, as do many comedians, but in the U.S. so much humor is based on either somebody being STUPID or somebody being MEAN. And I don't happen to think stupid or mean are funny. (except in the case of stupid people really proving smarter than the others—Phoebe from friends is a good example here, or in the case of mean people being seen by the AUDIENCE as shallow and low). I ALSO think much U.S. humor is very adolescent... I hate that (I would rather stick forks in my eyeballs than watch an Adam Sandler marathon). So why do I LOVE the French Taunters in Holy Grail waving their privates at people's aunties? Well now THAT is funny.

I guess maybe it comes down to the UNEXPECTED. And perhaps the British have a huge advantage there, because stiff upper lip and insane silliness fit so unexpectedly together, even your 427th time watching the Holy Grail.

But what I LOVE is understatement ['you keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.'] I love precious humor... think Dori in Finding Nemo... what is more precious than a fish friend and traveling companion with short-term memory issues (voiced by Ellen, no less). But yes, unexpected wins [“I bought it at a muggle store! I happen to like a little air about my privates!”--Archie from the Quiddich World Cup, Goblet of Fire]


So how does all this end up with ME being funny?

I don't actually try to be (though you might see redundancy is some sort of effort at it *shifty*). Most of the intentionally funny blogs I read are done by men. I have some blogs I LOVE: Cheeseboy's blog, or the Powdered Toast Man's. And they really are hysterical--intentional silliness. But I also have a number I read that I laugh at much of the time that are more sideways:

The Middle Ages: the FUNNY stuff is the overshare on life... the shared pain we do or WILL go through...
That's Why: the life difficulties... between unemployment, parenting, political climate...
Giraffability of Digressions: observations, both life and political...
The Quiddity of Delusions: okay, sometimes Mark is just plain bizarre, but man, oh man, I love him...
Guns and Giggles: a lot of life observations...
Procrastination Princess: Alright, Tara is a dose of straight silliness. But then she's a Taff...
Tartitude: My sister tart writes on life and writing... but in a falldown funny way.
I'm not Hannah: mostly about life, and the stuff that makes me laugh and cry at the same time.

[interesting. I just realized I would invite ALL of these people to stay in my home (not at the same time, my home is very small)--but shared humor is a very serious bond--I mean I have other blogger friends I would... But ALL the ones I rank as frequently funny?... I think for me it really helps me feel like I know someone well]

But notice MOST of this is just approach to normal life stuff. It is the things we all go through observed through a humorous slant... or even a shared pain slant. Whether it is the TMI thing I share with Deb, Barbara, Heather and Lisa, or the really sideways observations of Mari and Mary...

Most of it is stuff that would be HARD if we couldn't laugh about it.

I guess I think humor is an attitude. Or maybe even a decision. And it doesn't have to be mean-spirited, though I've been known to enjoy some sarcasm or snark if the target isn't really victimly...


I have guests who, when I suggest my readers are used to something a little bit funny, say... “Oh, I can't be funny.”

And maybe that's true. I don't know if some people just have such a solid hold on reality? Or maybe they listened too carefully to what is ladylike? But I think probably it is that the IDEA of 'funny' is intimidating. TRYING to be funny usually ends in awkward (and only a few of us really embrace awkward)... Erm... some people just have a serious approach to life. It's not bad... some of these more serious folks are quite helpful, and that is... you know, more helpful than I am. Most are very nice... in fact everyone I visit is SOME variation of pleasant. Or I wouldn't bother, yeh know?

But I guess for me, what I do well is play. And maybe playing is funny. It is certainly silly. I get the most laughs when I make fun of myself or what society perceives as proper, so there is that. I think the only trick I've ever applied to it is to turn off the filter. Anything can be deleted on revision, so writing whatever comes to mind OFTEN leads to a lot of nonsense. And sometimes that nonsense is funny. So there there you have it.

Best Story Ever

Or I thought so anyway. New Year's Eve Eve, HWMNBMOTI were invited to a little neighborhood party.

HWMNBMOTI knows more neighbors than I do... he walks the dog and meets people, and frankly has a bit of a Mrs. Kratitz personality—always likes to know what's going on, which requires knowing who everybody is. So he's been telling me about this man he's made friends with who is a nurse--(HWMNBMOTI has nursing goals and finding other males is a bit of a rarity).

So finally at this party I met this man... and he told me this story...

“You know, when I first met [HWMNBMOTI] I was working in my garage. I'm a gregarious guy and we were new to the neighborhood, so I called 'hello'. He and the dog came up to talk and started talking about what we did. And he told me his partner studied pain.

“So you see... I made an assumption... partner... and... well the dog is named Joel...”

[I started laughing here]

“But that's okay. I have brother who's gay who's been with his partner for a number of years. I wasn't bothered. So we kept talking when we'd run into each other. Then one day, several month later, he says something about his wife, Tami, and... well in the same conversation, he tells me how the two of you moved from Portland. I couldn't wait to get inside to tell my wife.

“[HWMNBMOTI] isn't gay! He's from Portland!”

We went on to a delighted conversation about the enlightened people of Portland who might appear gay to midwesterners... If you don't know Portland, you might not understand this story at all, but it sure amused me a lot.


I am back to the day job tomorrow... on to the resolutions... beginning a round of editing for the Amazon contest (more later this week on that). I have had a WONDERFUL long break though. I finished Chrysanthemum Campaign and RELAXED a lot. I am not eager to get back to it, but at the same time, I really love fresh starts, and since I am not a student, the new year is about as close as I get to that...

I wish you all the very best in 2012!

The Writing PLAN 2012

BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm very content to pretend this is me.

Oh, how I love a plan... especially a writing plan. And largely, they work for me. I posted last year's plan last week and my evidence of success—which wasn't complete, but I DID get a lot done last year... And THAT is why I get so geeked about a plan...

Are you ready? (maybe a little scared?)

First... Let me explain.
No. Is too much. Let me sum up.

What Needs DOING, broadly

Polish: LEGACY
Big Rewrite: CONFLUENCE, ILLUSIONS (which also needs a new name), CONSPIRACY, WHAT ALES ME, MEDIUM WRONG.
To Write: I got Armageddon coming at me from four different directions, eh? I will write TWO of these this year. I will write a 3rd book iff I get a formal publisher request for such (a 4th on the cozy contract or if WHAT ALES ME sells as part of a series) MOSTLY, though, I am going to concentrate on rewriting and polishing some of this other stuff.

January:
Revise LEGACY one last time.
Finally hammer out a GOOD pitch for it.
Enter that baby (the book, I mean, not a real baby)
Type in rest of WHAT ALES ME.
Potentially Tweak Kahlotus (have some ideas based on publisher feedback—need agent powwow)

February:
Fill in holes and first revision CHRYSANTHEMUM CAMPAIGN.

March:
CC to peer readers for the month.
Revise WHAT ALES ME.
Plan promotional campaign for AZALEA ASSAULT

April:
WHAT ALES ME to peers.
Revise CC per feedback. Read out loud. Revise again.
Begin CONFLUENCE revision.

May:
CC to agent
Finish CONFLUENCE revision.
Revise CC per agent

June:
Turn in CC
BuNoWriMo: One of these pesky Armageddon stories...
RELEASE AZALEA ASSAULT

July:
First Revision MEDIUM WRONG

August:
MEDIUM WRONG to peers
Revise WHAT ALES ME, read out loud
WHAT ALES ME to Agent

September:
Final Revisions MEDIUM WRONG
MEDIUM WRONG to Amy

October:
Slot for specifically requested revisions for MEDIUM WRONG/WHAT ALES ME
First revision summer Armageddon book

November:
NaNoWriMo: Thenother Armageddon? (yeah, I think so... but things change)

December:
Finally polish CONFLUENCE
If time, begin revision ILLUSIONS


Ambitious? Yes. Subject to change? Absolutely. But I always do best if I have a direction and something to look to when I finish something... otherwise I can spin my wheels too long before getting back on track.

So what are your writing goals?

And Happy New Year to All of you!!!

Christine Murray Storms Through!

Erm... Christine is a friend of mine through both ABNA and blogging. She is from Ireland, younger than me and participates in a great many things I admire but don't do, yet somehow I identify quite strongly with this brilliant young woman. Perhaps it is that her blog is so personal that I feel like I really know her, from writing struggles, to foster care respite, to living with pain. I think we largely have the same interests, and we just have approached them from entirely different directions so it is a little like looking at one of my other possible selves or something. Anyway, Christine delights me. And I'm thrilled to be hosting her for her release tour for her 'Chick-Lit' novel Storms In Teacups.


So without further ado... Welcome Christine!

I’d like to start by thanking Hart for letting me blather on her blog for a day. I’ve been a compulsive reader of her blog since discovering her on the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award forum. It feels quite strange to be here.

They say that your first book is autobiographical. And this one is, in a sense. True, I’ve never taught disadvantaged teens, acted in a crime series, or gone on a journalistic crusade to take down one of the best known figures in Ireland. But some of the jobs that my characters do, the less glamorous ones? They come from experience.

My character, Shannon, works in a dingy call centre doing telephone market research while she waits for her big break. I did this for a year during college and a few months after graduation. For anyone who’s either conscientious or thin-skinned, it’s an awful job to do. People hate market researchers, so you end up getting shouted at. A lot.

Waking people up at 10am on Saturday morning to ask them questions about waste disposal companies? Yep. Asking people to give up twenty minutes of their lives to talk about how they’d rate the range of food at a particular service station? A hard sell. Unfortunately, I also made some the calls that Shannon makes in the book. I did, by dint of ringing on behalf of a certain bank, inform someone who’d been bereaved in the past two weeks that their partner had a secret bank account. Probably one of the worst thing you can ever do is make someone’s grief worse, even if it is inadvertent. I also called a woman who decided that I was her husband’s mistress rather than a market researcher. That was an interesting one.

Moral of the story? Whenever you have to do something you really hate doing, take comfort from the fact you can strip it for material.

Most of my book is, however, fiction. Some of it is ambiguous. Like, did I ever go drinking with a crowd of Dublin criminals who had a reputation for breaking fingers and wanted to harness the power of social media? Now that would be telling.

Blurb:

ALEX is a journalist who has always dreamed of working for a glossy women’s magazine. Instead, she finds herself working for Dublin’s most notorious tabloid newspaper, rewriting press releases and covering for her colleague Jodie, a well-connected neurotic who still hasn’t figured out how to use an apostrophe
.
ROSE thinks that she has life sorted. She loves her job as a teacher in a disadvantaged school, and has just moved in with her gorgeous actor boyfriend, Daniel. The only clouds on her horizon are a headmaster with a passion for new-age team-building and a stack of envelopes that she refuses to open but can’t quite bring herself to throw out.

SHANNON feels like she’s stagnating. When she graduated at the top of her class from drama college everyone thought it would be just a matter of time until she got her big break. Instead, she pays the bills with parts in small plays and some low rent television shows. Now she’s in her thirties, is it time she gives up on her dreams and get a proper job?

When a scandal shakes up the lives of all three women, will they manage to stay true to their dreams? Or will the betrayal of one man change their plans for good?

Bio:

Christine Murray is a journalist and writer from Dublin, Ireland. She has a passion for both coffee and cocktails and thinks the espresso martini might be the most underrated invention of all time. She lives with her husband and chocolate Labrador in semi-organised chaos.

Networking the New Year

I'm facing a VERY exciting New Year... You know why? 2012 will be my first EVER book release. That is such a huge deal to me, I can't even put it in words... But you know what ELSE it is? This stressful culmination of 'have I been doing this right?' on the social networking.

I know I've had some successes. I have over 600 blog followers (more if you count the FB set, but I don't know the formula to remove overlap, so I sort of look at that separately). I have a bizillion Facebook friends (okay, more like approaching 3000, but it's a lot). My Twitter roll keeps growing... But have I learned how to USE this stuff?

And I feel exactly like this. Slimed.

What I Know NOT to Do....

ME ME ME ME ME! *cough *

This strikes me particularly hard on Facebook, but it happens other places, too. I am a joiner. It's part of the FOMS, yeh? So I am part of MANY writing groups. And sometimes I will come on and open my notifications and see the SAME person has posted in half a dozen (or more) groups. Do I EVER go see what they have to say? No. As a matter of fact, I NEVER do. I KNOW what they have to say. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM. They are trying to sell their damn book.

Now I am not without sympathy for wanting to sell the damn books... In fact I will want to sell MY damn books. But that is NOT the how of it.

IDEALLY, I will have generated enough good blood through helping OTHER people out that I only need to share now and then and MY NETWORK will pass it along. It carries more weight anyway, doesn't it? Somebody ELSE promoting something?

Facebook Plans

So My Facebook Resolution is to work harder helping OTHERS promote this year. I already do this for people I 'know'--and by know, I mean people I connect with through more than one system—my blog friends, my ABNA friends. But I am going to work at helping out additional people here... Build the equity, if you will. Not so much it cheapens my notifications—probably I will stick to some metric to not overdo it... three shares a day or something...

My OTHER Facebook lesson is PACE YOURSELF. I think the people who get away with the ME ME ME ME ME (who aren't really doing that—they are also promoting others, but never mind) are people who once a day or so share a review or a signing notice. They don't just keep putting the book link. They share something new that has happened related to the book each time. So we are sharing a journey, not seeing a repeated commercial.

Twitter Plans

I just need to find a tutorial to learn how to use the darned thing. I promote my blog. But I don't read feed. I even miss a lot of mentions and messages. I just get overwhelmed. I THINK what I need to do is group people so all those people I am just following for courtesy aren't clogging my feed. I really only want to see book stuff most of the time, though I can see times fitness stuff, local stuff or art stuff might interest me. But it is almost 2000 people to sort to figure out who goes where... ACK!

I know, I know... I just need to...

GoodReads

Once I have a book number, I think I can set up my author profile. Then I will beg all of you to fan me... since that's how I roll... erm...

I think I need to do the same at Amazon, which means I REALLY need to figure out how this works...


Speaking of Amazon... I will do ABNA again. As Always. And NaNoWriMo... And BuNoWriMo. These events are great places to connect with people on a deeper level.

Blogging

There is no question that this is my favorite social medium. I feel like the depth is SO MUCH greater, and I love that. But Blogging could suck up as much time as we would give it, couldn't it? Through the holidays, I've fallen down on visits. I think what I need to be is more organized. At one time I visited 30-50 blogs a day and I just can't do that very often, but if I was strategic, I could get to more people regularly, rather than the same ones all the time (though I love visiting the ones I do)--still... there has to be a system, yes?

My plan is to be more diligent to not neglect visitors and blogs I love. I am doing pretty good on the writing of blogs... I get them up and all. I plan to write most weekdays, but leave wiggle room to add a weekend or drop a weekday as stuff comes up... averaging that five days a week.

The only exceptions I plan are Blogging A to Z (see button in upper right if you want to do this fabulous April event), and NaBloWriMo in October. These are just both events near and dear to my heart, so I will continue to support and participate in them.

At some point (maybe March) I will need to make a more concerted effort to get around a little, though I think my actual blog tour will be in the few weeks following my book release.... oh, to come up with a clever event... I will have to see...


I guess that is all that's on my radar. Are there other places I should be? Any of you changing things up in the New Year?

World-End Fitness Plan 2012

Is there a POINT in getting fit for the world to end? Wait... I don't believe in that... And REALLY, if there is that black hole axis tilt matter Roland blogged about (which I found totally fascinating, you should go check it out), then in fact being fit might be highly beneficial to survival... I mean we wouldn't want to be too thin—need the fat stores to survive in the scarcity mode, right? But strong is good. Flexibility adds to resistance to injury...

Every year I intend to get fit, but this year I have something going for me. It's an even year. Why does that matter? I don't know, don't ask me. But it does. I think every successful weight loss I've ever had... like approaching goal, successful, has been in an even year.

Now writing is a pretty big obstacle with this fitness thing. At least for fitting it in with day job and family life. I can be pretty darned obsessive, but it seems I only have time for one obsession in my life at a time, and for the last six years now, writing has been it. The influence of that on my butt has been disheartening.


Back to Weight Watchers

In spite of the need to not be THIN, it is also important to not be FAT... you know... for the speed in the case of the Zombie Apocalypse, but also, I have a BOOK coming out this year! If it is to be my only one before the world ends, I need to look GOOD!

I can do this if I... you know... DO this... it is a mind set thing for me. My online membership lasts until January 15, I think, and work has a real time group starting up, which I may join instead. I will decide by the first. I may need the accountability of it.

But I also know I fell apart this last time the week before Thanksgiving. I hadn't been using the diary, but I'd been following points until I was suddenly thrust into holiday mode. And NOW? The next food holiday isn't until the 4th of July, when one of the featured foods is watermelon. I think I can manage that one. Oh, sure...there are margaritas for El Cinco de Mayo, and Valentine's Day might involve some chocolate. But really, those are single day events and manageable. It is the November/December holiday stretch that is so hard.

So I can do this.



Counch to Keg

We've done a brief hiatus, it seems... but very brief. Really this has been a great exercise plan. I love exercising with a friend. We just need to get back to the RUNNING part. We've been mostly walking since the heavy coat season started. I will continue this exercise effort though. It really is something that has never disappeared and having friends to do it with helps.


The Bigger Obstacle

Flexibility and strength... you see, the problem with these is they require me to be stillish... and when I am STILL (or even stillish) what I want to be doing is WRITING. But I know as I age, these are the things that keep my balance, so I don't FALL (and falls in the agerly, are bad, yeh?) and support my bones so they don't break (see: falls). Besides that, more muscle means higher resting calorie burn which means I can EAT MORE (which is really the goal of all this, right? *shifty*). Seriously, though—this stuff counts more and more, but I just hate it. The only way to fit it in is to schedule it. And I think the best PLACE to schedule it is between dinner and heading out for couch to keg... that is about 20 minutes, five days a week, and if I alternate strengthening with stretching...

I just need to remind myself this is NOT cram in the blog or facebook session time. I mean, YES, double check we are on for exercise, but it is the perfect time slot. I CAN'T really get into some other project here. Perfect, right? So there it goes, shoved right into my schedule.

Any of you have fitness plans? Give a shout if you want to set up a little mutual support!

2011 Goal Progress

So today is my day to assess how I did on my goals for 2011, and I've just copied the list from my blogs (okay, the writing one, and only a link to the other ones) and I will summarize how I did.

January
Edit and Polish one of my WriMos.
Write and test pitch for ABNA: revise test repeat until ready.
Enter Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest

Assessment:  This was all done. Kahlotus Disposal Site was a semi-finalist in the ABNA contest, earned an agent (the fabulous Amy Tipton) then saw two rewrites with agent guidance and is currently on submission. 

February

Polish Legacy (should be a 2 week task)
Present option to agent: if she passes, send a dozen queries
Begin writing next Garden Cozy

Assessment: I did the revision, but then sent to another reviewer who had a series of changes she suggested (and I agree). It then got set on the back burner for the required stuff, but is planned for my ABNA entry this year and Amy is reading it, so its day is coming.


March
Finish Garden Cozy
More queries if appropriate
Read Confluence and take notes

I finished the Cozy, but not until MAY (so mixed bag) and did not touch Confluence.



April

Finish reading Confluence beginning to end
Map out how to change PoV/Villains to make it a YA
Edit Confluence

I was still writing Begonia Bribe, so no.

May

REwrite that Gardening Cozy (should have been about the right about of 'set aside' time) then send to peer reviewers.

The month WAS devoted to Begonia Bribe.... Just not exactly as planned. I finally finished it.


June

Write my Microbrew themed near-Cozy (in a WriMo)

DONE. This is still in first draft--in fact has some pages that still need typing. But I succeeded here.


July

Polish 2nd Gardening Cozy/ send to agent
Revise one of WriMos (probably Kahlotus): Send to peer readers

I polished the Garden Cozy and sent to READERS and did one of my Kahlotus revisions. So I was a round late with Begonia, but did what I'd planned otherwise.


August

Polish CONFLUENCE
Open spot for catching up if something has fallen behind

No on Confluence. But DID use it to catch up--Garden Cozy and Kahlotus winding--glad I left a catch-up slot!


September
agent fixes on Garden Cozy
Rewrite MicroMystery
Query
Cozy DUE to Editor

Another mixed bag. I didn't give my agent as much time as I should have with Begonia--BAD me. And I didn't rewrite the MicroMystery. I didn't NEED to query... this really was ALL about finally getting Begonia Bribe in shape (and at the scrambling pace, that was rough)


October

Query
Polish the July Rewrite

After the scramble for Begonia Bribe, I changed my mind about how much time was necessary to do this thing, so I instead started Chrysanthemum Campaign. Only managed about 12K words, but started is started.


November

NaNoWriMo: 1st draft of 3rd Garden Cozy

And strangely, I couldn't get myself to write this at this pace and Medium Wrong had been bugging me too much, so I wrote THAT.



December

Polish Micro and pitch to agent (pretty sure this will interest her)
So FIRM:  Is writing 3 books, editing 4 books and doggedly finding representation for at least one other work.

And I changed my mind HERE, too... go figure. I am madly finishing my 3rd garden cozy first draft.

Broad Assessment:  I planned to write 3 books and by year end will have written 4.  That is GOOD. I planned 2 polishings that didn't happen though... I still find it hard to make myself focus on the rewrites and the edit.s While I may not have adhered exactly to my plan, I think the only actual near-failure was related to how slowly I wrote Begonia Bribe, which threw my whole timeline off. Next time I have a hard deadline (heck, THIS time with my hard deadline) I am writing like a WriMo and will press until it is DONE. I think it was a good year in Writing though.




Summary of Blogging goals: I think I summed it up pretty well last year, and I think I succeeded in my plans, other than that brevity goal, on which I made progress...


The Fitness, Money and Relationship goals: Yeah, not so much... I started TWO fitness plans... both of which were short-term successful, then petered out, though the Couch to Keg program still has us walking together (I really need better clothes to run in this weather--nothing both WARM and allowing for MOVEMENT)... The money stuff, we managed a PLAN (not the exciting one that makes me cackle, but a practical if painful one) and if we stick to it, it will be a very lean... about 3 years... but then we will be DONE with it. That's all I'll say, as this gets into HWMNBMOTI and his privacy issues.

Last Week of the Year: The PLAN *buwahahahahahaha*

I love that I get this week off. It is my week I count on every years, and I get to do what I like best... I mean sure, I will need to do some normal housekeeping and such, but mostly the week has few obligations, the kids will have plans... So I want to make it count.

Writing sprints daily = 3

(If I can do 4000 a day, I would finish this month. Whether I can or not, is another matter, mostly because while the END isn't super hard writing for the most part, that 70-90^th percent part is the hardest for me. Even 3000 a day though, would be a pretty solid first draft. That I can do... if I do it, I mean...)

One-Time Projects

Clean up Blog links for past guests/visits

Add page with helpful links and referrals

Add page with some writing samples and/or links

Marketing plan for Azalea Assault

Hammer out pitch for Legacy (for ABNA contest)

Blogs this Week

Wind-up of this week's needs: Today

Assessment of LAST year: Tuesday

Wednesday: Fitness Goals in the New Year

Thursday: Social Networking/promotion goals in the new year.

Friday: Special Guest
New Years Eve: Writing Goals in the New Year

Twelve Goals for Next Year

On the twelfth day of Christmas, the Book World gave to me...

Twelve goals for next year...
Eleven days for writing...
Ten Lame excuses...
Nine procrastinations...
Eight Bloggy Squeeings...
Seven Activisms
Six Plots-a-Brewing
Five RE-JEC-TIONS
Four Steampunk Stories
Three Co-zies
Two Fabul-Agents
And the notice of a best selling book!

But the goals shall wait... I will review then by domain, because YOU know what goals are? PLANS *Buwahahahahahahahaha!*

For now, I'll leave you with this little Christmas story. I wrote it for my Secret Santa buddy over at the Daily Dodo, but ALSO for the Burrows Advent Calendar. If you want to see more drabbles, head on over there. There has been a new one every day this month, and EACH of us wrote one for Christmas (this is mine)

Wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas!

Eleven Days For Writing

On the eleventh day of Christmas the Book World gave to me...

Eleven days for writing...
Ten Lame excuses...
Nine procrastinations...
Eight Bloggy Squeeings...
Seven Activisms
Six Plots-a-Brewing
Five RE-JEC-TIONS
Four Steampunk Stories
Three Co-zies
Two Fabul-Agents
And the notice of a best selling book!


Man, oh, man... See, the University I work for, in lieu of several 3-day weekends (I don't get the Mondays for MLKH or President's day for instance) gives us 4 seasonal days to be taken in December or January, but they SUGGEST (and I am all for) using them between Christmas and New Year—most of the U shuts down, so unlike OTHER vacations, I don't have to play catch-up after. Nobody was there creating work in my absence. I took today as an extra vacation day for good measure--that one was mostly about liking to anticipate Christmas... not wanting Christmas Eve to be too swamped. Tomorrow is holiday, today I do laundry and clean the bathroom... and make cookies... more cookies. Oh, and fudge...

My boss, the hardest working person I know, will work next week—she is an MD and the hospital still has to be covered. But I really hope she takes her family time, too. So the stuff related to what I do, will hopefully get a break.

My PLAN *buwahahahahahaha * is to do 3000 words a day up to Christmas (2 sprints a day ought to cover it) and then 3 sprints a day after until I am done with this draft. (if you are a virgin to the idea of sprints, I wrote a post about them here)  I am SO EXCITED!

Once that is over, I will start my Legacy rewrite for ABNA as... it's COMING, but more on that next week as I try to entice the lot of you into participating...



So happy Christmas Eve Eve to all of you!

Ten Lame Excuses

On the tenth day of Christmas, the Book World gave to me...

Ten Lame excuses...
Nine procrastinations...
Eight Bloggy Squeeings...
Seven Activisms
Six Plots-a-Brewing
Five RE-JEC-TIONS
Four Steampunk Stories
Three Co-zies
Two Fabul-Agents
And the notice of a best selling book!

ignore the gloppy red one...

1)I'm wrapping presents!
2)There are cookies to make!
3)I have shopping to do!
4)It's a Wonderful Life is on!
5)I overdid the eggnog!
6)I ate too much!
7)I can't move. There's a cat on my lap.
8)I'm tangled in tinsel!
9)My fingers are taped together.
10)But it's Christmas!


Those mulit-purpose excuses can be used to get out of housework, gatherings you'd rather avoid, tasks you don't want to do... possibly even a blog you didn't quite get to... but PLEASE do not use them to get out of writing... In fact use them so you can write instead...

Nine Procrastinations...

On the ninth day of Christmas the Book World... erm... or maybe it was the Internet... gave to me...

Nine procrastinations...
Eight Bloggy Squeeings...
Seven Activisms
Six Plots-a-Brewing
Five RE-JEC-TIONS
Four Steampunk Stories
Three Co-zies
Two Fabul-Agents
And the notice of a best selling book!

I have been trying very hard to keep my nose to the grindstone, but sometimes there are just some amusements too good to pass up.

1)  Go to Google Maps. Choose directions. A=The Shire. B=Mordor. Select walking directions. (thanks to Matthew McNish for this)

2)  Go to Google and type in 'let it snow' then watch. (be sure to watch for a minute or so, then run your cursor over what happens).

3)  Go to Google maps and get directions between ANY two places where crossing an ocean is required. (Tokyo to San Francisco is good).

Man, I love those Google boys and girls....

4)  Peruse Twitter hashtags and follow a conversation upside down.

5)  Open your email and commit to responding.

6)  Look in your cupboards and realize you need to shop BADLY and begin a shopping list.

7)  FACEBOOK. (my personal bane)

8)  Get started on cleaning chores.

9)  When somebody says, “Mom!” respond.


(And I didn't even GET to Procrastibaking, Procrastiknitting or Procrastinakeding) Want to break some of these and get more writing done? I am offering up my new favorite solution over at Burrowers, Books and Balderdash today.  It really works, so if you ACTUALLY want to get down to some writing, come on over. I'll put you in line.