Wednesday, November 14, 2012

If It's Not One Thing...


Oi! So I'm not supposed to talk about HWMNBMOTI, right? Sort of by definition... (he who must not be mentioned on the internet, for the uninitiated). HWMNBMOTI is my sweet baboo... 21 years marriage this month. He is a private guy... and an anti-internet guy...

But darned it if he hasn't had a year of health challenges... and while THAT is his business... it affects MY LIFE, too, and my life is YOUR business, right? Erm...

Okay, so maybe that is a BIT of a stretch, but I can't seem to help myself.

So yesterday HWMNBMOTI had his 4th ER visit of 2012... and they checked him in AGAIN... a day or two in the hospital, which means it's not nothin.... And the REALLY wonky thing is NONE of these things has anything to do with the others. He has had 4 DIFFERENT things go BIG WRONG with his health.

And here is where I get whiny... it's HARD to have your partner unhealthy. He can't work. He can't do nearly as much around the house. He has little energy for fun stuff. And some of the lingering stuff makes him not sleep well, so he is ALWAYS tired. (and frequently crabby).

I get it. I study pain for a living, so I KNOW it makes a person crabby and depressed to hurt (I forgot to mention the arthritis diagnosis, didn't I?) and more so if a person can't SLEEP.

I want to go to Richard Dreyfus and have him write me a prescription to take a vacation from my problems.

But see, as the OTHER person in the household... I want him to FEEL BETTER (because I love him), I am terrified there is some huge underlying thing causing ALL of this (though for the life of me I can't imagine what that would be), I feel GUILTY for wanting a break from the health troubles for MY OWN sake as well as his...


For all that, I KNOW I'm lucky. I know most of my life is really good. I just want HWMNBMOTI healthy again. So if you have any spare mojo, karma, prayers or hugs, send 'em my way. We could use em.


And don't forget to come by FRIDAY, as I have a special post from our buddy Jessica, and NEXT WEEK I will have a guest post from Alison... so don't let my whining scare you away...



19 comments:

Tamara said...

I can't imagine how hard this must be. It sounds awful. Don't feel guilty for wanting things to be easy and fun again, for BOTH of you. It doesn't mean your selfish, I promise. It just means your human.

I'll definitely be sending some positive karma his way. I truly hope things get better...

Trisha said...

He has had a big and annoying year health-wise, and of course that affects you! It's not fair on any of you! I'm sending positive vibes his/your way. *hug*

Mel Chesley said...

Aww...sending lots of love, healing energies and prayers. Hope hwmnbmoti feels better soon!

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

I'm sorry this has been such a rough year for you! That's a lot of hospitalization...ugh. I know you've got a lot going on, too, and this is an additional worry. Hope he's better soon and that there's nothing serious going on.

Hart Johnson said...

Thank you so much, friends! It really does help to sort of throw it out to the universe, and I can feel the energy coming back at me. Helps to face it knowing there are great people helping out.

Ciara said...

It's so difficult to have a loved one ill for so long. Arthritis is tough to handle. I hope he finds the right medication to help, or they find the underlying problem causing his symptoms. It's tough to find the right diagnosis.

Cathy Olliffe-Webster said...

Poor guy. Poor you. I sincerely hope you both start to feel more human, real soon.

Heather Savage said...

Thoughts and lots of good juju coming your way. I'm sure they've checked but could it be something weird like a tick bite or something? Some of those parasitic things can turn into systemic attacks. We're seeing a lot this way.

vic caswell (aspiring-x) said...

aw man! again? i'm so sorry hart! prayers and positive thoughts going your way for sure! <3!

Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy said...

I am sending you guys prayers and hygs,, Hart. I hope that he feels better right quick!

Love ya,

Kathy M.

Johanna Garth said...

I hear you! It's hard when your partner is sick and I'm a terrible sympathy/nurse type. Here's lots of warm fuzzies and hopes he gets better soon.

Stacy Gail said...

Of COURSE your own energy level is going to plummet while the stress level rises during a time like this. Give yourself a break, lady, and don't waste another moment feeling guilty about wishing he (and therefore life) felt better. You are a FABULOUS wife/mom/friend/good egg. Trust me on this.

Put the guilt down and walk away. You've got enough to carry already, right? *HUGS*

mshatch said...

I'm sending some positive thoughts your way, Hart.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I'm sorry, Hart! I'd be a wreck if my wife had that much go wrong. (She has one thing go wrong, I'll be a wreck.) Praying for both of you.

jaybird said...

I'm so sorry to hear this! In my family, I'm the sick one, and I hate every second of it.

I feel so bad for The Husband having to pick up all the slack when I can't. I feel bad that I'm not like all the other spouses we know that have a super clean house, tight abs and a four course dinner on the table every night! It's not fair and I can't stand that I'm this way.

But no matter how crappy I feel, I know it's that much harder on him, as the care-taker! It is a thankless job and it dumps a whole lot of added pressure to an already hard situation.

Hang in there the best you can! I will definitely add you guys to my prayers. xo

Helena said...

Hugs and prayers and all my mojo to you. Physical problems are such a pain in many ways, often difficult to deal with, and scary when the health problems are in the one you love. I've had a few health scares in my time, and I remember what a relief it was simply to have a diagnosis (What was that? Shingles, you say? So just give me pain pills and color me relieved!) I hope your Hubby is diagnosed and fixed up good as new very soon.

Ella said...

I am so sad to hear your hubby is ill! I so hope they can figure it out and soon! I know I am the spouse in pain and I know what a pain this can cause. Praying you have answers soon! I hope he will recover soon and life can resume to your normal! I say that, because I do not like how our society defines normal~

RaShelle Workman said...

I'm so sorry about your husband. Hope he's feeling better soon. Hang in there. Sending lots of cyber hugs, cyber chocolate, and good vibes. =)

Matthew MacNish said...

LOL. I get it now.