Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Poser is Posering

I'm feeling like a bit of a fraud at the moment. And that seems a really apt theme for the Insecure Writers Support Group, so I am going with that.

First... since I haven't said it in a long time... if you aren't FAMILIAR with the Insecure Writers Support Group... you are WELCOME to join! As people committed to writing, we ALL get insecure. And we can ALL feel alone. But while the details may differ from person to person, there is amazing overlap in what we all go through. And if we all support each other—sharing both good and bad to encourage and commiserate as needed, then THAT is good for all of us. It is the first Wednesday of every month (today).

Now... On to being a Big Giant Poser.

So today I have my third BOOK EVENT. It is the second one that is not all about me... The last one was a book fair and went well, though I felt like a poser THERE, too... see all the other authors had several books and I felt silly there with my ONE. I think this afternoon I am even on a panel... I know I have a TIME. It is for the 20th Anniversary of Aunt Agatha's Mystery Bookstore and I'm excited, but NERVOUS... being the one-book poser and all...

But the other reason I feel like a poser of late...

See, I've always envisioned 'just keep writing' and eventually the sales will snowball and I will BE THERE. And I'm not doing badly. I've written 13 books... I have one book out of a three book contract... but the books are coming out almost a year apart...

And... now here is the hard part... I have FRIENDS... Great friends who I am THRILLED FOR... who have caught this snowball phase... friends with three or four books a YEAR coming out now. And I am SO HAPPY FOR THEM. Seriously. How could I NOT be? I'm proud. I know how hard they have worked. But I'm feeling left behind. Like I'm doing something WRONG.

I know part of it is working a full-time day job. At least two or three more works would be ready to shop by now if I didn't have that. So there is some Sugar Daddy envy... not that being the at home parent is just sitting around. But neither is it being gone 10 hours a day. It has some flexibility in there, at least if kids are in school. And I really shouldn't pout on this front, because at least two of my snowballing friends work a lot, too. It's just me pouting... being a baby... trying to make myself feel more like it is circumstantial and less like I'm just a giant POSER.

Anybody else get feeling down by these upward comparisons? I think I will lend you a stanza from a Cheryl Crow song that I try to keep in mind when I get that way.

And you should know... even posers can rock it...
From Soak Up The Sun

I don't have digital
I don't have diddly squat
It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got

I'm gonna soak up the sun
Gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up

We need to enjoy the experience we ARE having, have fun, and quit comparing ourselves. Every time I feel lame I'm looking up.


Old Kitty said...

Lovely Tart!!! You work at your own NAKED pace!! Yay! Big hugs to you! Enjoy your book event!! Take care

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I know how you feel!
I'll never crank out several books a year. I can't even do one a year.
But the snowball can happen even for those of us who produce slower. Believe that, Hart!

Laura Eno said...

Ahhh...never feel that way! You keep cranking out your words at your own pace - no matter what it is!

Tamara said...

Hi Hart,
I'm really excited to hear you have one book out!! That's awesome. I critiqued for you a couple years ago. At Chimera Critiques. We shut down after Zellie passed away, but I finally started my own blog about a month ago. I'm happy I found you again.

And wow, thirteen books? I have TWO. Well, hmmm...One of them was re-written completely three times, so does that mean I have four? Either way, you are NO poser. I am highly impressed by your book total. And I cant' seem to turn out more than one every year and a half. Nice to see you again!!

Tamara said...

P.S. I'm following you again. :)

L.G.Smith said...

Well, you're way ahead of me. I'm still writing without any guarantee of anything in the future. Still, I'm going to kick this trilogy out one way or another, even if I have to self-publish it. We just can't compare ourselves to anybody else and stay sane. So cliche, but we're all different writers with different paths ahead of us. I think you're doing great!

L. Diane Wolfe said...

We all had to start somewhere. Even JK Rowling only had one book out once.

RaShelle Workman said...

You're AWESOME! Your one book is lovely. And you are most definitely NOT a poser. You're a writer's writer, through and through!!!

j welling said...

You did great ! I met you at the book event and you were gracious and composed and funny. Also, you inscribed one of your books I bought. Always a thrill to get a book from the hand of an author.

You did great.

I had a great time meeting the authors and I'm especially glad to meet someone local. AA's does a great job.

I will buy the begonia book just because I met you. How's that for publicity in action ? [ You wonder why politicians still shake hands...]

Keep going.

Alison DeLuca said...

My own inner insecure poser self can really relate. Even though I have four books written, with a fifth well on the way and a sixth on the back burner, I can't believe I have any chops to go up against the big guns.

I'm on a panel as well in two weeks - TWO back to back panels, as a matter of fact, and I know I'm going to say something insecure or power-ish.

And I'm wondering now, no matter how many books I write - will my wormy side ever feel more secure?

Sylvia Colette Branch said...

it is all relative - you are SO very far ahead of me - sure, "behind" others, big deal
(hmm even as I type 'big deal' I am being a poser of the confident variety, which I am not...)
Oh well - I understand at least. :)

Helena said...

First, I hope your book event went gloriously well.

As for one book a year -- I don't even do that! Most writers couldn't church out four a year if they tried, so kudos to those who can. But like you say, you've got a full-time job (and so do I), and you've got family and a life. So just be very proud of how far you've come and how far you're gonna go.

John Doe said...

I feel you too. I have one book out and 3 in the pipeline, a very demanding full time job and a busy marketing schedule with the first book. When I do have time to write it seems I can't concentrate. I am working on that part now...Good luck with your event!