Thursday, February 25, 2010

Super Secret Blog

You people know I tell you everything, right? Bare Naked Tart—those're the rules. But I have got a DOOZY, and it is affecting just about everything about me right now, from my tummy flutters to my short-term plans, to my side trips when I have my May conference in Baltimore. It's even mysteriously making me less annoyed about the 14 inches of snow we've gotten in the last 4 days.

But I can't tell you.

[Say what? Then why taunt us, you evil, rotten, Tart! Confessions my butt!] (oh, I heard you.)

The thing is, it's not only my secret, and I'm no snitch, much as I'd like to have those cute little wings and be chased around by hot Seekers. The OTHER thing is, I don't want to jinx it, because it is by no means a sure thing. But I can give you a nice metaphor. Won't that be satisfying?


This time yesterday I was standing around this HUGE pinata with my 10,000 BFFs---this would be the AMAZON piñata, and inside are 1,000 everlasting gobstoppers (but we all know everlasting gobstoppers should only be called month-long gobstoppers, because what they do is buy you into the NEXT round on piñata wacking, in which the prettiest people (and by that I mean those who make fabulous first impressions, even if those fabulous first impressions are of really ugly things) then proceed to the piñata party where you actually get to hit the darned thing.

Have I lost you? Standing with my 10,000 BFFs? Remember? All the while, these corporate types are taking turns wacking at the piñata with a Carp (fish reference is for you BFFs!) because these corporate types don't REALLY want this darned piñata to open until about 11:57 tonight.

Waiting. Waiting. Tummy even fluttering. I want my piece of candy and ticket to the next round, don't you EVER think I don't. But while I innocently (no eye rolling) stood there doing breathing exercises, avoiding my email (didn't open it from work yesterday AT ALL), I was GOOSED by the Piñata Fairy Godmother!

You heard me. So...The Tart's Already Got One! (she said she's already got one?)

No before you go thinking I have an agent or a book contract, it's not THAT kind of Piñata ...exactly... And it has nothing at all to do with my 24 rejections, 8 outstanding, or 2 partials out there on CONFLUENCE. It has to do with YOU!!!

Come to find out I'm a shameless #6 after all (if that confuses you, see yesterday's blog) and I didn't have a CLUE!

So this piñata I have is going to take some special tools to open, tools I don't currently own. And the task is a little like scraping the paint from a window frame in an old house-- I have to work hard and be a little obsessive, or everything inside evaporates. But if I pick pick pick pick pick, when I get inside, there are gold dubloons! (or at least chocolate dubloons in gold foil.)

Have I mentioned I'm tenacious? It's one of my strong points. Well... annoying if you're a paint chip, but I think I'm up to the task.

So I apologize for being so mysterious. When I'm allowed to get fully naked again, you'll be the first to know.

Oh. And, Amazon, what? That's right! Some point before midnight I will know if I get my piece of candy!

*Rubs llama piñata with glee as I wait * I can multi-task.

13 comments:

Jan Morrison said...

I'm totally stumped. Not even going to try. How about that dump of snow you fellers got? Wowza. Just another winter day up here in the Frozen North - the Claim the Damn Podium North - the health care North - the true North, strong and free. Oh, speaking of free - Hoagy has gotten loose - first time in over a year and a half. Yep. Luckily I sat this morning so when I came down Ron asked me all sweet like - are you calm from sitting - and I said yes - and he said well I'm going to destroy that calm and he told me because it does. I hate it when he's loose. But oddly it didn't bug me like it usually does - damn, that meditating works.
Bye now, I'm going to go out again and try to seduce him into the car.. he'll stand at the top of the drive way going bwahahahahah...

Briony said...

Oh, you are infuriating woman!

Is this a reverse Delusional Thursday attempt? Making the rest of us Delusional with suspense?

gae polisner said...

good luck getting that candy... or do you have another secret that you already know.

im nervous like my first time and im not even in...

Cruella Collett said...

I'm going to guess that you ran into Stephen King on the street and he offered to take you with him on the super-secret writer conference in London, where JK Rowling will be sharing clues from her upcoming detective novel, "The Pillars of Something Completely Different".

Or something equally good ;)

Good luck with the Amazon thingie!

Watery Tart said...

Jan--good luck tempting Hoagie! Does he have a favorite place to go? Words he likes? We had a big dog that if you 'd say the word 'grandpa' to him, he'd smile and do anything you wanted. He LOVED grandpa.

BrioNI--your link was fortuitous, and earned you answers.

Thank you, Gae! Wait... you're not in? I thought you were in?

Mari-YOU WIN! Only she's calling it the Life of Storge.

TreeX said...

Holy Horcrux!

Sugar said...

er..well I love the pics anyways.

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

Hope your secret activity works out! Tenacity is the most important element of the process, I think.

Elizabeth
Mystery Writing is Murder

Watery Tart said...

Joris-that's the Hufflepuff Grail, to you.

Sugar- *snort* Sorry to be so mysterious!

Elizabeth- Tenacious like a terrier! teehee... I think I can I think I can I think I can...

Megan said...

I want a piece of candy too!

Watery Tart said...

Say, I wonder if we improve our chances if we put on bad 80s clothes, make our hair real big and do that dance that goes with it....

youngbloodblog said...

OK shameless #6 watery inscrutable multi-tasking candy-hoarding midnight-burning Tart... you've been pimping one of us and got us a leg up in the publishing biz... ... and I don't think it's to do with your being so-o-o sweet & conspiring with Joris to do my book cover, but it could be - and I'm on a knife-edge... ...but also want to wish you HUGE fingers crossedness for Amazon. And they should, if they know what's good for them, they should pick you. roadsaruck x M

Watery Tart said...

Marian, I think that's possibly the best name I've ever been called *snort* You have an email with answers... I will see when I'm ready to come out here... I always think it should take a while, and then I just take my clothes off anyway... it's the way with tarts.