Super Secret Blog

You people know I tell you everything, right? Bare Naked Tart—those're the rules. But I have got a DOOZY, and it is affecting just about everything about me right now, from my tummy flutters to my short-term plans, to my side trips when I have my May conference in Baltimore. It's even mysteriously making me less annoyed about the 14 inches of snow we've gotten in the last 4 days.

But I can't tell you.

[Say what? Then why taunt us, you evil, rotten, Tart! Confessions my butt!] (oh, I heard you.)

The thing is, it's not only my secret, and I'm no snitch, much as I'd like to have those cute little wings and be chased around by hot Seekers. The OTHER thing is, I don't want to jinx it, because it is by no means a sure thing. But I can give you a nice metaphor. Won't that be satisfying?

This time yesterday I was standing around this HUGE pinata with my 10,000 BFFs---this would be the AMAZON piñata, and inside are 1,000 everlasting gobstoppers (but we all know everlasting gobstoppers should only be called month-long gobstoppers, because what they do is buy you into the NEXT round on piñata wacking, in which the prettiest people (and by that I mean those who make fabulous first impressions, even if those fabulous first impressions are of really ugly things) then proceed to the piñata party where you actually get to hit the darned thing.

Have I lost you? Standing with my 10,000 BFFs? Remember? All the while, these corporate types are taking turns wacking at the piñata with a Carp (fish reference is for you BFFs!) because these corporate types don't REALLY want this darned piñata to open until about 11:57 tonight.

Waiting. Waiting. Tummy even fluttering. I want my piece of candy and ticket to the next round, don't you EVER think I don't. But while I innocently (no eye rolling) stood there doing breathing exercises, avoiding my email (didn't open it from work yesterday AT ALL), I was GOOSED by the Piñata Fairy Godmother!

You heard me. So...The Tart's Already Got One! (she said she's already got one?)

No before you go thinking I have an agent or a book contract, it's not THAT kind of Piñata ...exactly... And it has nothing at all to do with my 24 rejections, 8 outstanding, or 2 partials out there on CONFLUENCE. It has to do with YOU!!!

Come to find out I'm a shameless #6 after all (if that confuses you, see yesterday's blog) and I didn't have a CLUE!

So this piñata I have is going to take some special tools to open, tools I don't currently own. And the task is a little like scraping the paint from a window frame in an old house-- I have to work hard and be a little obsessive, or everything inside evaporates. But if I pick pick pick pick pick, when I get inside, there are gold dubloons! (or at least chocolate dubloons in gold foil.)

Have I mentioned I'm tenacious? It's one of my strong points. Well... annoying if you're a paint chip, but I think I'm up to the task.

So I apologize for being so mysterious. When I'm allowed to get fully naked again, you'll be the first to know.

Oh. And, Amazon, what? That's right! Some point before midnight I will know if I get my piece of candy!

*Rubs llama piñata with glee as I wait * I can multi-task.