Sunday, February 28, 2010

Kicking February's Back Side

I don't mean to be petty and cruel when it's already a goner, but MAN, I hate February... always have. It's funny, because some of my favorite people in existence were born in the month (my grandma, my cousin, my Peggy, Leanne—no offense if I missed you, it's really a very long list), but the month itself? I'll pass.

It's all a bit ironic really... I've fallen in love in February... twice I think—though one was one of those unhealthy obsessive things—the only Cancer I've ever dated and MAN is THAT a bad idea—one emotional vacuum is all any relationship can take. I first experienced 'normal weight' in February of 1985 when I realized MY Freshman 15 was weight LOST. And this year, I seem to have had the best writing opportunity I've had knock on my door, and offer to patiently wait while I do my stuff. Those are gigantic positives and STILL I hate the month.

So why would I hate it so?

My first recollection of February hatred was triggered by an essay I wrote (for fun—I'm that kind of geek—y'all get me, because most of you are geeky that way too) on why February only has 28 days. Who could stand it any longer? I mean really... I wrote the essay at 18.

It is possibly grounded in the Valentines in which I was passed by for more popular girls. I had popular FRIENDS so I got to see what it was SUPPOSED to be, but I was 19 before I got that royal treatment (thank you Guy—you were wonderful and I was rotten. I wish I'd known I was allowed to be more honest—it would have lasted less time, but I would have hurt you less). He bicycled up the to door of my sorority with a big box that had three roses and a huge teddy bear. And I adored it, and him. To this day that is my biggest Valentine's.

But by that time, I was already cynical, and thinking I'd rather be mysterious, interesting and naughty, than a nice girl with a nice boyfriend.

That brings me to February's next terrible feature... It's STILL dark, it's STILL cold, it's STILL winter. Enough stillness! I want some ACTION. I can handle March's turbulence, because it is kicking winter's butt OUT. Granted, March in Michigan lasts to nearly May, but it TRIES the whole time. We have a day now and again where it is above freezing... where rain makes the snow on the ground all mushy and begins flooding basements... Okay, so maybe March doesn't have so much to recommend it, but it's a trooper... it's working to get there (like most of us, I think). And at least I know in my head that if I was in PORTLAND still, the daffodils would be in bloom. So somehow I don't blame March for our plight like I do February.


Sorry. Michigan moment there.

See, in Michigan, almost every year, winter gives spring amiss and goes right on in to summer. I've experienced a month of spring here... once. But usually it runs closer to four hours. (it falls in the second half of April—a week in which we begin with a snowfall and end by putting up the storm windows so we can open the house because it's 80). You think I'm kidding, don't you? I'm not.

See, from FEBRUARY that glorious 4 hours of spring is still two months away. From MARCH, I can see it on the horizon.

So there you have it... all I have to say today is GOOD RIDDANCE FEBRUARY.


Jan Morrison said...

ditto to all a that my dear tartlette! In fact I wrote you a nice longish comment yesterday re the arse end of 'er as we say in these parts but in a fit of ridiculous pique my computer ate it! just cuz I've been saying how FRICKIN slow the darn thing is. So this won't be long.
goodbye face ache feb - why hello mad march! birthday land of my eldest son and eldest grandson (8,9) and even more exciting cuz Alice in Wonderland is COMING...

Watery Tart said...

Somehow I knew you'd see it my way, Jan--you live even farther into the hinterlands than I do, so it makes total sense.

And family birthdays are good, but are they Aries? (fire signs make tarts tired (water bubbles up and boils over, you know), though a Sagitarrius now and again keeps me on my toes)

[disclaimer--I have Leos and Aries I LOVE--just not in physical daily dosage)

M.J. Nicholls said...

March into March, hold that head high.

Jan Morrison said...

Nah, they are both Pisces. I'm the Sag in the bunch and of course you adore us. I was born the same day as Rebeccah West who totally rocks. And Jane Fonda and Disrali and er, uh....Stalin.
Yikes - no wonder people think I'm a witty, fit, rebellious, witty TORTURER. That's OK, my Sweet Patootie was born the same day as Madonna and man oh man the stretches my credibility when it comes to horoscopes because my dear - the two couldn't be farther apart (except for that big pointy bra thing - oh yah, baby - he loves wearing the pointy bra).

Kassy with a K said...

Hey now, can't diss my birth month!! Haha, actuallyyy... based on this February, I'm definitely glad to see 'er go also. I don't think I've said yet, but Congrats on the cozy mystery thingie. SO exciting! :]

Watery Tart said...

head high head high... there's a lot of things I can ignore that way!

*snickersnort* Oh, Jan, you were on a roll yesterday! BUWAHAHAHAHAHA!

And Kas--I SAID I love several February PEOPLE.... it is just the blasted, never-ending gloomy month!

Rayna M. Iyer said...

And we have already had about six weeks of summer!!!

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