My Bull Addiciton

Taurus, as some of you may know... is a very PLAYFUL sign. As a Cancer, two signs away, it happens to be the most perfectly MATCHED playful sign, and somehow this stretch of May is VERY hard for me to do anything... productive... Why, you must wonder... memories, for one... the 8th of May... for another...

We Cancers are sort of an emotional, family oriented sort, by reputation, but the Taurus playfulness has a sort of childlike joy to it... it doesn't SEEM like the self-indulgent play of the fire signs, or the self-destructive play of Pisces... Taurus play is a drug we Cancers can get addicted to.

I have several fast friendships with Taureans, and they are a different sort than a lot of my friendships. That complimentary thing goes a long way in bond formation. (yes, I believe this, though I never look at birthday when forming friendships... it's an after-thing). It's funny though... the difference in the girls and boys...

I have some good friends who are April Tauruses... relatively normal friendships—mostly female, but some males... I like them a lot... a lot in common... easy camaraderie...

Then there is the Week of the Exes... I honestly didn't even know most of these guys were Tauruses until reconnecting on FB but May 4-9 only has one day without a 'past love'--by love, I mean only infatuation/attraction most of the time, but considering there are 2 of them on the 5th, and that this is probably HALF of my life's deep attractions (3 of the others are Virgos... like me some earth signs, I guess—only 3 aren't one or the other (there is a Cancer, a Leo and a Libra in the others, if anyone cares))--seriously... what are the odds... that 6 of 12 'loves' would have their birthday in the same week? If ANYONE can explain this, I'd love to hear it. Note ALL of these are only friends now—I married one of my Virgos... in fact the 3 Virgos are the only 3 I ever felt I might marry... weird, astrology, when you think of it...

I suppose my memory may be skewed because ALL these Taurus boys are in my 'current friends' set—easier to remember people you still talk to (then again that says something... that I still talk to them...) ... but I have a feeling this particular week is ALSO one with the ability to relax the sometimes insecure Cancer. They have a sense of fun, a sense of loyalty, and an enjoyment in a little self-indulgence that is fairly suited to that first week of Cancer. (I'd LOVE feedback from my friends born this week... ALL of us are writers, so I know there are a few of you out there)

And then we get to the week starting 5/12... Of my 'intentional friendships'--those perhaps FORMED by proximity, but maintained because there is a deep connection... the 12th to the 19th is a pretty good run week on girlfriends for me. My current boss falls in here, for which I believe I am VERY fortunate.... one of my middle school friends... but my friend Stacy, who is the single person more nutty than me that I know, and my friend Natalie (I have a daughter named after her if that is any indication of how I feel)... this timing is the PERFECT match for total support... for fun when it is appropriate, for unjudging honesty... for BEING THERE...


So in honor... I just wanted to toss you all a little bull...

Taurus is ruled by Venus, goddess of beauty and the arts. This brings a love of luxury and affinity for the physical expression of love... tangible, tactile... do I need to be more clear? Sex matters. (as does good food, drink and ambience).

Tauruses LIKE STUFF... it is an aesthetics thing... they want to be surrounded by beauty (Cancer's like stuff, too, but for us, it is security).

The SYMBOL of Taurus, represents the bull and horns, but also the CUP of material power brought about by force of will. (HA! Force of will! I know about that!)

Taurus rules the neck and throat and often has individuals with a lovely speaking or singing voice (my daughter the Taurus provides supporting evidence here... she has had perfect pitch since birth (and covered my mouth because I didn't when she was a toddler *rolls eyes*)

So to all you Tauruses out there... I love yibus! You are my kind of drug. You keep we hermit Cancers venturing into the world and having fun, in spite of our hermit habits. I promise to always reflect as accurately as possible, as I think you can use the emotional check of your most complimentary sign.

For My Mom

I'm a bad daughter. It's not that I mean to be, but I am self-absorbed (I tend to live in my head)... I have always WANTED things I couldn't have (like a big brother—never seemed fair most of my friends had them and I didn't)... I was just never appreciative of what I did have.

Top that off with writer's brain, where I never see anything coming until it's on top of me, so the cards don't get mailed... and there's never any money, so flowers don't get ordered... but I was thinking Friday (scary, yes). What do I do that is straight from the heart and can be deeply personal... I write. So this is for my mom.

I'm always amazed how young she was: 19 here (I was 6 mo)

*****

I think it's really easy, when we are young, to make assumptions and judgments about our parents.
We are sure we would do this or that a different way.
But when we become parents ourselves... or as we pass life stages... and think about our moms...

Sometimes there are moments of awe.

My mom became a mom at 18 years old.
She had finished high school, but that is pretty much all.
She married my dad...
who lived another 11 years, but never DID grow up...
so she had two kids in a lot of ways (one of them capable of drinking his entire paycheck in a weekend).

She stepped up...
supported me
cared for me...
but in retrospect, what amazes me most is I never ONCE felt like the burden, that surely a child is when you have one at 18.
I never felt ANYTHING but loved and adored.

looking for an escape, I imagine...

I was petulant, sassy, precocious (I know... shocking...)
but my intelligence was encouraged
my need to speak my mind, nurtured

I was scolded if I was unkind... or if I broke rules or laws...
At four, I had to march back in to the Nobby Inn and pay for a mint because I'd taken it without asking (or paying)... the mortification kept me from EVER stealing.
I wasn't scolded though, for not conforming... I was never pressed to 'be like' anyone (or to better anyone).
Oh, sure, there was a lot I absorbed from my peers,
but never ONCE did my mom try to compare me...
to ANYONE. I was always solidly ME, and loved for that.

This was my dad's favorite picture of 'his girls'

As I try to nurture my own daughter's fragile confidence and self-esteem, I am amazed at what my mom did, because I never questioned my own value. I never believed for a second I wasn't good enough... for ANYTHING. I was entirely sure I was. I knew and know without any doubt I can do anything I set my mind to... except perhaps instill that confidence in the people I love most.

When my dad died, I was 10, and my mom gave me another invaluable gift.
She went back to school.
The lesson that education is the route to a better life stuck.
The lesson that succeeding requires HARD WORK stuck.
The lesson it's never too late stuck. And any subject can be conquered... stuck.
The lesson that if we schedule the work time, we then actually have the play time stuck.

Before braces, but AFTER gap-consciousness

It would have been easy, when my dad died, to use his life insurance money to make ends meet while she went to college, but instead we lived frugally (on social security) and that life insurance money became my 'the college YOU want' fund. I had choices.

But we still managed a few great vacations... live lean, then splurge... we went to Disneyland, Hawaii... then on our spring break ski trip in 8th grade, she met Art. My stepdad is pretty great, because my mom's primary flaw is she takes everything too seriously, and he keeps her 'light'... makes it 'fun'.

Those lessons though... don't waste, don't use more than you need... man, I wish I was better at instilling those in my family... but I think they are good lessons, even if my skill to pass them on seems to be nil... I know I asked for a lot... but I also felt some responsibility for it... I SAW what was given up in exchange...

It was sometimes hard to have the 'hot mom' she was 31 here, I was 12

I had a partial scholarship and so maintained the GPA needed to keep it... that was my JOB... COLLEGE was my JOB...

I think there are some lessons we don't notice when we absorb them... but looking back, we see them at work. Had my mom ever threatened and said 'you know if your grades drop...' the rebel in me would have responded badly... but she'd laid the groundwork. She didn't need to say it.

The last 4-Generation Photo--3 moms here... 2004

Some of the groundwork was unintentional, I think... “you need an education because you want choices.” Oh yeah... I got my education... but I think the choice to marry a man who'd then often be dependent never crossed her mind... it wasn't her generation, an 'at home dad' hadn't been invented. But from my end, the lessons served me well. I never could have been the at-home parent... it isn't my temperament.

So mom, THANK YOU! You did an amazing job! (I mean just look at me *cough*) But seriously... trying to parent myself makes the things you did well SO much clearer. I love you!

I wish all you mom's a very happy mother's day!

Disposable America: courtesy of Hewlett Packard

Whereby you have stumbled across an ANGRY BLOG. If you'd like to see perky, happy me, you may want to head over to Burrowers, Books and Balderdash where I am talking about my FOMS, but if you are up for a little RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION, I am the MAN... or rather the woman dressed as a man dressed as a woman, but there was man in there somewhere, so we will go with it.


So I Threatened Hewlett Packard this week. They refused to be Blackmailed, and so I am forced to follow through. HA! Take THAT, Corporate Bad Guy!

excuse my lack of graphic software

The Story

We have had a desk top computer (the same one) for about four years now. It is a lemon. It has ALWAYS been a lemon... susceptible to viri (can I do that? If more than one octopus is octopi, seems more than one virus should be viri). For starters, it came equipt with Works (I know, right?) instead of USEFUL software that is USED anywhere... but never mind. That is on Bill Gates Head, which I will save for the last section.

Anyway... I had to reload the hard drive on this puppy several times before the discs would no longer do the trick. Then, it had to be wiped and redone by the fabulous boys at A2 Computers a little over a year ago... Then FINALLY two weeks ago... NOTHING... all the programs were just... GONE.

I took it into my boys who've never failed me (we have two laptops we take to them too, so have been there several times)... I get the estimate... the time... then on the day, a CALL... Hewlett Packard doesn't provide support for computers over three years old. There is a drive I can't get. What?

Let me put this in plain English: It is Hewlett Packard's policy that if your computer is more than three years old YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN SUCKER! That Puppy is no more than an unwieldy PAPERWEIGHT.

Well that pissed me off, as you might imagine (I am poor, I hate waste, and I DETEST being told 'can't'), so I went to their website and filed a complaint with their CEO. I said he had 3 choices: 1) CALL my A2 Computer guys and fix 'em up with the driver, 2) send me a brand NEW computer tower, or 3) FACE MY PUBLIC SKEWERING.

I got an email about 3 days later: "we're looking into it, please provide your serial number, product number and a daytime phone"... I did.Immediately.

And a very friendly man named Dennis called me yesterday morning... He got some info and said he put it in the speedy pile... I thought something might happen... squeaky wheel had worked. YAY!

Grouchy man (I think he said Dave) called me back that afternoon and said... THE EXACT SAME BS MY A2 COMPUTER GUYS HAD GOTTEN FROM THEM.

NOTE TO HEWLETT PACKARD: YOU JUST MADE DENNIS LOOK LIKE A HORSES ASS AND I AM CALLING HIM TO LET HIM KNOW BECAUSE I HAVE HIS NUMBER!

NOTHER NOTE TO HEWLETT PACKARD: IF YOU WANT TO DIFUSE ANGER, NEVER GET SOMEONES HOPES UP THEN CRASH THEM AGAIN!--this only makes it WORSE.

NOTE THE THIRD TO HEWLETT PACKARD: DAMN YOU FOR BLASPHEMING THE INITIALS OF HARRY POTTER!

So here I am, following through on my threat, since they are EVIL GREEDY CORPORATE POOPYPANTS who don't GIVE A DAMN about PEOPLE.

Do you know what Mr. Crabbypants who might be Dave gave as his REASON? “We're not the only company with this policy.” ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS? EVERYBODY IS RAPING THE PUBLIC SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL, TOO?

I DON'T WANT TO DO BUSINESS WITH UNCARING LEMMINGS!



And so... the Skewering...

The Evil Conspiracy Insinuation Portion of this Blog

The facts presented in the blog were actually told to me. I cannot verify the accuracy of them, as the guy who told me.... well, let me introduce you...


In College I knew this guy... HE wasn't in college, he just lived there... he was a former special forces soldier of a certain unnamed (got a lot of good press this week) sector of the United States Military... He served under Ronald Reagan. In Central America. Specifically, Nicaragua and El Salvador.

He was dishonorably discharged from the military for refusal to follow orders. (the story thus far, I believe completely, the rest, may have some fiction—his, not mine—woven in, as I believe the experience messed him up quite a lot... erm... and he might have been trying to talk me into bed... and it might or might not have been necessary and/or worked *shifty*)

He said when they went in (don't remember which country) and killed the civilians in the village (I think for hiding someone they wanted) he would not put their heads on stakes to get others to cooperate. I swear that's what he said. Remember this is hearsay. Remember this is ALSO under beat-em-up Reagan.

When he got BACK to (college town), he was very angry with the US Government. Do you know how he (said he) displayed this? He blew up a Hewlett Packard Lab.

Now I'm not saying Hewlett Packard was responsible for baby-killing in El Salvador... exactly... But why on EARTH would that be where he'd take out his aggression against the horrors he'd been through?

After her did this, by the way... he was SHOT. He lost a leg. I saw not only the GONE leg, but I met him when it was still a bullet wound and the leg was THERE, so THIS detail is verified... The who shot him, isn't... secret service? CIA? HEWLETT PACKARD? I'll let YOU decide.

Note:  This man never did any TIME for blowing up that lab... Why would they want to keep it hushed?

You know me... conspiracy theorist through and through.

Now I have friends who work for Hewlett Packard (they're based in Boise Idaho, for pete's sake, where a third of my high school class moved)... so I'd like to believe they are CAPABLE of doing the right thing, but I'll tell you what. When I call Dennis back and tell him my opinion of their FREAKING CUSTOMER SERVICE, I hope Dave gets FIRED for refusing to talk the MORALITY of creating products intended to be disposable. (Yes, I said it was immoral and he said he wouldn't talk to me about morality... in fact he repeatedly had only TWO messages 'he understood my concerns' (I call Bullshit) and 'Everybody does it' (hello, mob violence)

The REAL Concern and (more serious) RANT

Corporations in this country, somewhere around the 70s, decided they could make a KILLING by making things that were NOT FIXABLE.

Have you ever seen pictures from Cuba? All those cars from the 50s are STILL RUNNING. But in the 70s they quit MAKING cars you could fix. They wanted us to buy NEW cars instead. (not just the US here, to be fair, though Volkswagen held out another decade or so).

Reagan (who was actually Satan) began the easing of credit that stopped consumers from ever fighting this... need a new one? Borrow some money... (after all... what a beautiful stimulus to the economy...)

By the time computers were a household thing, the thinking was solidly in place. The early ones lasted five or so years... if they didn't, who could guarantee they would catch on? But once they were securely in the mainstream... something that coincided with the internet... three years... Oh, sure, argue it has to do with technology... but honestly... if I don't NEED THE FREAKING NEW TECHNOLOGY, why are earth make it so you can't FIX my freaking computer? (the Driver was not AVAILABLE)--is there a REDDER flag for we just don't want you to be able to fix it?

Well let me tell you something, HEWLETT PACKARD: turning computers into land fill is IMMORAL! Our earth doesn't have ROOM to have a billion people worth of computers added to the land fill every three years.

And you know what ELSE? It is IMMORAL! (yes, for a second reason). There are haves and have nots in this world and ESPECIALLY in this country, and to put yet another obstacle up for the people WHO CAN'T AFFORD to replace their damn computers. It is ADDING to the problem.

You heard me. I called you EVIL.


And for good measure: BILL GATES: It is IMMORAL to create a monopoly with a product that makes all these companies think they have to CHANGE at this speed. You are perfectly capable of making things compatible with older stuff. And it is IMMORAL to inflict the new Microsoft on all of us (bring back the 2003 option, even if our software is more current, as the new stuff SUCKS)

There may or may not be future editions of this rant directed at AT&;T, car companies, and Detroit Edison.



Call to Action:

1)  Do NOT buy Hewlett Packard Products unless I tell you they've sent me a free computer.
2)  ASK when you purchase things that really should last a long time what the average life is (the warranty is a good clue) and DON'T BUY things that are impossible to fix or can only be fixed for a few years.
3)  COMPLAIN to any business who acts like disposable is okay. It's not. But they won't change until we DEMAND it.

Holy Cow, we as consumers have forgotten that it is OUR RIGHT to demand VALUE for our money and to spurn anyone who doesn't provide it!  DEMAND IT!  Businesses are only IN business because of us, but we have to work together!!!

Refleccion Loco

Para El Cinco De Mayo... Un Refleccion...

Estudie Espanol en la escuela secondaria (I think that says I studied Spanish in high school. It is highly possible I mucked it up—the same is possible for the line above and the title. Because you see... I haven't used it in a LONG time... and last time I DID use it, I misunderstood someone VERY badly and became the butt of many jokes between my family and some of our good friends... Maybe THAT is the story I ought to tell.


Prima

When we first moved to Ann Arbor my daughter was in kindergarten and we lived in an Apartment complex because our house in Portland hadn't sold yet. The complex had some other families, and two families had daughters in my daughter's kindergarten class... neither family spoke English.

Nadia's family was Russian, and her mom was nice, but very quiet, and NOBODY had very strong English (the dad might have—he was a computer programmer for a bank and seemed to work a lot—I only met him briefly). This may shock you, but I speak no Russian. So we enjoyed them, but the bonding was sort of limited.

But Annabelle's family was Colombian* and spoke SPANISH... not only, though, did they speak Spanish, but they had 3 kids, 2 in school, and the older son was a pretty good translater, and the DAD ran a painting business, so he had an accent, but understood and could speak English pretty well.

Like Snow White and Rose Red, eh?

Entonces

Natalie and Annabelle became fast friends very quickly... and then summer came and we bought our house... sad, that... to move from a friend when you are 6... But the house we bought sat next to an empty house, and one day I saw a woman poking around. I talked her. She wanted to sell, but the house needed a lot of fixing and she couldn't afford to fix it... I connected the woman with Miguel, who I knew had the skill and connections to fix a house... (and a business to finance against, when a normal lender would not consider a fixer-upper) and they became our next door neighbors.

Their family was in Colombia. Ours was out west... we became close (holidays together close). Their youngest daughter, then 3, used to ring our doorbell and say “Bob” (pronounced Bobe)... do you KNOW how cute that is for a toddler to come over to see the man of the house? (don't tell HWMNBMOTI that I let his name slip).

Well a few months in, Miguel's brother Hernando moved in with them. Hernando spoke NO English... not a word... Ninguna palabra. Nada. (for the record, HWMNBMOTI speaks no language but English. Not. A. Word.)

(this is where I get to the story... you thought I forgot, didn't you?) The (other) details you might need:

So Hernando and HWMNBMOYI used to sit and have these non-conversation conversations, which was amusing... (okay, so you don't need that, but it used to amuse me, these two grown men who couldn't understand each other but liked each other so well)

I completely didn't understand ANY of the Spanish I heard, with one exception. Juan, the older brother, spoke slowly and enunciated clearly (I suspect he spoke Spanish like I speak English... I'm a slow speaker... no ums or ahs... just what I mean to say, but slow).

I had to TRY with Hernando because... you know... he spoke no English. We had an excellent conversation about ducks once (patas)... Because I understood Juan, I thought maybe my difficulty was one of vocabulary... you know how in English there are a dozen words for any given meaning... attractive is pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, handsome, hot, foxy (what? You don't hear foxy anymore?)... Well I half convinced myself Hernando used the lesser taught synonyms for common words *shifty* (call it a defense mechanism)

Final fact... when family comes to visit from Colombia, they stay for... MONTHS (like 3-6)... VISIT is a term used for 'live with for a while'. It's a little baffling for Americans who are used to 2 weeks vacation a year and would NEVER impose themselves on their kids for that long, but that's a cultural thing (and I think one where Americans are actually the world minority) [you understand when I say Americans, I generally mean United Statesians... because of course Colombia IS in America (South America) which I know...]


Is that enough set-up for you?


So Miguel and Hernando's mother had been there... months... 3, I think... and Hernando comes to visit, distraught. He tells me 'mi madre se fue' (my mother has gone). I say 'lo siento' (I'm sorry)... he makes a motion to clarify... hands together, shooting at an angle toward the sky... heaven, right?... “lo siento” I say again... I'm sad now, too... tell the hubby... hubby goes next door and gives condolences...

And they all laughed at me from then on... you see... 'she is gone... she left on a plane... she went home' Oi, Dios Mio! Did I get THAT wrong! She didn't die. Her extensive visit just ended and she went home... I DID learn though, that two hand straight up (toward heaven) is death, and at an angle is some other earthly location via airplane... so that's something...

I wish you all Un Feliz Cinco de Mayo! Tenga algo con tequila y baila una merengue! (and that is meant to say, in case I mucked it up (but don't correct me, that will only annoy me) a happy Cinco de Mayo! Drink something with tequila and dance a merengue... in case that wasn't clear)

and of course it's Thursday, so whatever you decide to do, you must do it NAKED!

* I am completely aware El Cinco de Mayo is about MEXICO (and their independence from France) and my story is about my Colombian friends... and that Mexico and Colombia are separate and very different, and share only language... but it's my blog, and since the story is about language, I went with it...
 

Let Me ‘Splain

No no, is too much. Let me sum up…

What do I mean? Lee asked us, after the A to Z Challenge to do a little write up of the experience, which I am HAPPY to do… liking to evaluate and all…

Organization: Holy Freaking COW, these guys were awesome… I can’t imagine the undertaking it was to do this, and I think they did amazing. So huge THANK YOU to:

Arlee Bird @ Tossing It Out
Jeffrey Beesler @ World of the Scribe
Alex J. Cavanaugh @ Alex J. Cavanaugh
Jen Daiker @ Unedited
Candace Ganger @ The Misadventures in Candyland
Karen J Gowen @ Coming Down the Mountain
Talli Roland @ Talli Roland
Stephen Tremp @ Breakthrough Blogs

You guys (and gals) totally rocked!


Quantitatively: I think I earned 100 new followers… I have a hard time separating A to Z from Blog Crusade business, ABNA stuff, and my own personal… erm… whatever it is I am and do, but I am up more than 190 followers since February and this project has NOT been an insignificant part of that.

The Important Part? I made several friends—people that make the daily exchange and the blog roll… I love that about networking… that people who really enjoy each other get to gravitate together and form friendships… I mean, I’m easy… I like most everybody, but there are people you really CLICK with—knowwhatImean? And I FOUND SOME!

…and I am a little overwhelmed thinking about my increased blog obligation from here forward… but that is good. (might even force me to work out a system, as I no longer feel quite adequate to keeping up with my blogroll).

I also LEARNED something silly… my work computer has Internet Explorer… there are a few blogs I enjoy that it hates… I discovered if I just go to Firefox, I can GET THERE! (persistence pays!)


As for the rest:

We earned an Awesome Award! (Thank you Elizabeth Mueller for designing it!  It's fabulous!)


Blogging Daily: This isn’t a huge deal for me. I blogged 330 days last year… blogging daily is what I do. I DID though, use more pictures and less words in an effort to be considerate. This wasn’t problematic, but it’s possible I skipped some topics I might have liked… the letter order plays into this, too… if what I want to talk about is critique partners, and we are half way through the alphabet, then I can’t use Beta, First readers, OR Critique… (just an example). Then again that bendy thing requires some use of creativity, which is a good thing...

And while I loved some of the gimmicks, I missed some of the variability of some of my regular haunts…

The BIGGEST challenge though… 1200 freaking blogs? Are you SERIOUS!? I started at blog #555 (I like 5s and that was middlish, so I figured would be neglected by both those starting at the beginning AND those starting at the end…

My plan was to work my way through, but I ALSO wanted to visit back people who visited ME… which some days was ALL I could do. I think I made it through almost 500 from the list, and I think I back visited probably 90% of people who visited me (I had some days things ran amock)—and that took A LOT of time… I mean REALLY a lot. I normally try to hit about 30 blogs a day… I just can’t manage more with my day job and such… so I think I did quite well.

Alex said next year they are taking a suggestion I made and applying it… start with the blog after YOURS for working your way through the list—that way everyone equal distribution of visitors… I am glad—I like the equity of it.

I might ALSO suggest a Keyword in the blog title. (So I would be Confessions of a Watery Tart-Writing)  I don’t want to be rude, but there are some blog types that I just can’t make myself be interested in. I have trouble with 90% of the Gaming ones, I am annoyed as heck out of the BUSINESS ones (are you freaking serious—how do they NOT think they are going to annoy everyone?), I was a little annoyed with the ones with no comment possibility—I go read, yet you have no way to know I was there? What is the POINT? (not social networking, that’s for sure).

For the most part though, I really enjoyed finding new blogs!

So Thank you, gang!

Short Cuts Aren't

A Mean Rotten Reality Check from your resident Tart.

So some of you may know I had line revisions from my editor... She made some complimentary statements.... great job with character and story... she had some bigger points she wanted me to consider (three of them) that would mean some rewriting, and then edits and comments within the text. Easy enough, ne?

I conquered the edits and comments first... nice to feel like I'm getting somewhere... (a fine strategy).

NONE SHALL PASS

Then I found the big places where the changes would matter and marked the 'where' and wrote them in... then I printed the thing because my brain only works at half-mast when it is back-lighted... or something... and I read the thing through for consistency (because of the changes, right?). *pats self on head*  I fixed a couple timing SNAFUs because editing makes this writing thing CIRCULAR so sometimes you write something in that is a response to something that hasn't happened yet. (surely I am not the only one this happens to)...

Then I get out the email to double check I've covered it... and I see it... “...any sentences that can be slimmed down, and focused on the parts that relate directly to the plot and character development.”

DOH! (see comment about brain half mast with back-lighting)  Slimmed? You KNOW slimming is NOT my strong point! I am an ample, huggable Tart! And sad to say, you are what you write... erm... they say that, right? Whatever the case, I was only 2 days from my self-suggested deadline and I had a BOOK TO SLIM!!! GAH!

So I started plugging away... and Thursday I got through maybe 75 pages (good progress--4 days to done)... and then Friday it POURED so my commuting portion of my editing day got sucked into oblivion (which throws off everything—that is my best time..). and then I did some more on Saturday and got a brainstorm...

Sometimes the long way is the short way...

All those blogs I read... all those tricks...

Temptation dangled so... danglingly... *shifty*


So I did a 'find' for 'ing'--lets lose the passive language!


This is where the Voodoo music starts. (hear it?)

Let me tell you... 'ing' does indeed play a part in some passive text... and I used a little, though MOSTLY when I used it (meaning 'ing' not 'it), it was a second part to a sentence and was providing setting or outcome, and the MAIN part of the sentence had a verb that had PLENTY of cajones ALREADY!

The real problem though, was that I had to carefully read a paragraph every time to orient and decide... this was NOT a time saver.

I try to limit politics, but this was too amusing to pass up

The search for 'that' was better... sure, some of them needed to be there (most of them, even) but it was quick to tell which KIND of 'that' it was and remove the offenders...

But then there was 'just', 'very', 'a little', 'seemed'... No, time to rethink...

After that (<--necessary that) I determined it really IS better to just go through it all... this short cut business was NOT shorter. If I read it ONCE in ORDER I catch ALL the variety of wordiness (plus those full sentences and paragraphs that need dropping)... if I do it piecemeal, I have to go through the bloody thing a dozen times and will still miss some. So that is where I am on the matter... The short cut wasn't. (short, I mean)

So sorry to be the bearer of bad news. The fact of the matter is, you just gotta do the work... If you take short cuts, you are going to do it several times...

Pencil Us In

So I know you are all still trying to catch your breath. Blogging A to Z was AMAZING, but also exhausting, in a lot of ways... and then there is all the neglected stuff last month... it will take a little while to get back on our feet. That is to be expected... but while you are planning your next steps... There is a big event next month that I don't want you to miss.

Last year The Burrow, my writer's group, decided that November sort of sucked as the chosen month for a WriMo... Part of us are teachers, part are students, and part work retail... Several of us are also MOMS... November just has a lot of demands, so we decided on a Do-Over... In June...

We were amazed at the response. We hadn't been all that 'out there' at that point. My own blog was less than a year old and I think I had maybe 150 followers. I know my counter registered 200 hits a day on average (I average about 3 times that now and have MORE than 3 times the followers) But besides that, after BuNoWriMo, we launched our group blog...

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Whatever the case... we invited all of you to join us. We held the WriMo on Facebook because our extensive research led us to know to participate, people would have to join SOMETHING, and most people had a Facebook account already, so joining a group was just a click.

And we had 108 people join! It was a bit baffling, really...

But this year, we are hoping for even bigger...

So what IS BuNoWriMo? The Burrow Novel Writing Month.

When: The 30 days in June.

What: Write at least 50,000 words in the 30 days of June.

How: Very similar rules as NaNoWriMo... The traditional version means you can't start until June 1 and you write 'a whole book' (50,000 words worth anyway) in the month, but like NaNoWriMo, rebels are welcome... rebels would be people who continue on an already started WiP, people who write collections of shorts or non-fiction, people who want to set their OWN rules... It really just just a support system for a fast paced writing month.

What we DISCOURAGE is editing as you go. The point of writing fast is to let go of that inner editor so you can get the WORK done. Rewriting can come LATER.

(thank you, Rosie, for sending this!)

If you are interested in joining us, just go here  and join... that simple... then you will get the updates via facebook message (about weekly this month, maybe twice a week in June—we won't clog your inbox)

But for NOW: tie up those loose ends! Do whatever outlining or character sketching you like to accomplish pre-writing... get that brain going on your novel idea...

And resign yourself to the fact that when I am part of the planning committee, you will often hear you need to just get naked...

I love yibus!

Zing

You've heard a few times this month about Child the First (of whom I am enormously proud), but I haven't really had an opportunity to talk about Child the Second. If I were a 12 year old boy, this child would be my twin. Child the First looks a lot like her mama (only prettier) but Child the Second got a clone of my BRAIN. That is to say... he is an odd child... (prides himself on it, in fact)

I got him hooked on Harry Potter... he got ME hooked on Percy Jackson... Our humor tends to dwell in wordplay and absurdity. I'm pretty sure he mastered sarcasm at age 5. He is a little inclined to frustration or sadness, but NEVER the raging, self pity or drama the other half of our household undertakes. He can power-logic through most things, once he detaches a little. Math comes easily and he enjoys being smart.... yes, everything about him says he is my son... erm... (except the skinny thing... that comes from his dad...)

*snort*  Oh, the mellowdrama...

There may be a large number of you who don't get this, but there are days I look at him and am SO THANKFUL not everyone in my house hates me (hubby and I have highs and lows and Child the First, inclined to drama, holds a grudge against ANYONE not giving her her way). He is also my writing cheerleader... I am married to a skeptic, and Child the First, while she is supportive if I MENTION it, I think sees this as some 'way out of poverty' rather than a personal accomplishment.

So tonight he was talking to me... pleasant conversation, but suddenly he said 'Zing!' and points at me. I turned to look and laughed. He explains that he does this to people regularly. I tried to explain mainstream popular ANNOYING culture, versus being himself, but it seems that, like the Justin Bieber hair, this is just something he needs to try for a while. I don't think you are in any danger, unless you start hanging out in his middle school... but it reminds me we ALL have to try on different personas... even is they are annoying and strange, and we are destined to be our parents in the end.

And as it is the ZED in A to Z... this round of it has been AMAZING.  It will take a little while to recoup and get back to normal, but I will... and I have met some truly fabulous people... So THANK YOU, Lee! (and all the others involved) and Thank YIBIS for playing and making it such a great month! (see yesterday if you don't know what that means) 

I will see you all Monday.  Have a great weekend!

YOU!!!

So let's just get this out of the way. I LOVE YOU!!!

Bloggie readers, you are the highlight of most of my days. I LOVE this blogosphere!

So what is the problem?

Blog networks... they really are sort of this way, ne?

I love YOU, and YOU, and YOU, and... ∞...

THERE IS NO FREAKING PLURAL OF YOU IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!!!

Now Southerners have their y'all... and it's cute... but let's face it, I've never lived below the 42^nd parallel. (Ann Arbor is at 42.16 and this is the farthest south I've lived)

Eugene, Oregon is 2^nd at 44.04, then Portland, Oregon at 45.31 and Moscow Idaho at 46.73.  In other words, I've lived most of my life closer to the north pole than the equator (30 years above 45th, 14 years below)

That's a little scary, actually, that all 4 cities I've live in are within 5 degrees... but never mind. My POINT is it denies me authenticity with y'all. (though I retain my right to use it as I write FICTION).

Now I ALSO know that in larger, poorer cities in the Northeast there is the you'se option. (yous?  youse? --what is the spelling... I think people who use this regularly aren't actually literate, though I have some fabulous friends who joke about it in both the Bronx and Philly)  But I am currently ALSO the farthest EAST I've lived... Michigan. Which is technically midwest (though I have argued extensively on why this is really the middle east--Colorado being the MIDDLE.)

*snort* (though I'm not evil, just naughty)

So I decided... why not consult LATIN? You know... because English is Germanic *shifty* But seriously... where ELSE does one look for changing words. Isn't Latin like... the word BIBLE... wait, no, that was Greek, originally... But you know what I mean... Latin is for smart people... So I decided to pluralize YOU, I would look to LATIN...

Now there are not OU ending words according to Wikipedia (which is the most reliable source, yes?)

So do I choose O or U... But I made an executive decision, as it's my blog and the U had the funny little line over it to tell me the pronunciation is what I wanted...:

	portus, –ūs port, haven, harbor m.
	Singular		Plural
Nominative	portus	–us	portūs	–ūs
Vocative	portus	–us	portūs	–ūs
Accusative	portum	–um	portūs	–ūs
Genitive	portūs	–ūs	portuum	–uum
Dative	portuī	–uī	portibus	–ibus
Ablative	portū	–ū	portibus	–ibus

Now I don't know what ablative means... let's check...

Ablative: a name given to cases in various languages whose common characteristic is that they mark motion away from something, though the details in each language may differ. The name "ablative" is derived from the Latin ablatus, the (irregular) perfect passive participle of auferre "to carry away".

WTF? Random pic found in 'blogosphere' search

Okay... I can go along with that... YOU is away from ME (unless I'm feeling frisky, anyway)

So the plural of YOU would be Yibus!

Problem solved! You heard it here first. Henceforth the plural of YOU will be YIBUS...

I LOVE YIBUS!!!

Xenophile

I am truly a lover of the strange... Oh, I know Xeno, as a prefix, generally actually refers to 'unknown' even though it MEANS strange...

My first exposure to xeno, as a prefix, was in a linguistics class in college, and I fell in love with it... as a word, as an idea. One of my cheap thrills when I was taking that class was making up words (oddly, many of them really WERE words, just words I hadn't known) but the BEST word I thought I came up with was Xenophilophobia... Fear of loving strange things... (it could ACTUALLY be applied to fear of the one-night stand... fear of loving strangers)...But I am NOT xenophilophobic... I am just a straight xenophile...

So what do I love that's so strange?

case the first... the Aye-Aye... he is so strange, but I LUUUURVE HIM!

And then there is the leafy sea dragon... WICKED!!!

And then there is Mr. Star-Nosed Mole...

Now look at this fellow. He is a Vietnamese grasshopper of sorts... very cool...

And this is called durian fruit.  I'd totally eat it.

And it's a darned good thing I'm a nudist, or I might endorse monstrosities such as this...


So there you have it... my strange-love... It may have originated in the strange love of word creation, but I know there are those of you out there who get that...



And THIS is the best strangeness I've seen in a long time... Llama font!

And finally, it's Thursday, you know what THAT means!!!

*smooches all around *

Words

So anyone who stopped in yesterday afternoon has heard... I made the Amazon Semi-finals and everything else has vacated my brain. This is the only topic I am capable of speaking to.

What IS Semi-finals?

Well, the first round judged on the pitch (300 word summary and sell) [2000,0f 10,000 passed on]
The Quarter-finals were based on the Excerpt (first 3000-5000 words) [500 of 2000 passed]

Semi-finals are based on THE WHOLE FREAKING KAHUNA. That's right. Somebody –a Publisher's Weekly PROFESSIONAL--read my darned book. Anonymously without the nagging 'but I LIKE Hart—she makes me MISBEHAVE' nagging at them. This stranger READ and made JUDGMENT on my book... and passed me on.

100 of 500 pass on, 50 each in young adult and general fiction. From the original 10,000, there are 100. That is 1% and I feel TOTALLY humbled. There were some great sounding stories that didn't pass. Some of the reviews I've seen look harsh.

Now you will see, this is not all goodness and light... this book is not done (as I've been saying) but I am GIDDY at what (s)he liked about it...

ABNA Publisher Weekly Reviewer
An engaging ghost story with an unusual setting keeps the pages turning in this manuscript. Helen is a ghost who has spent 60 years as her 15-year-old self. Her suicide lead to the closing of the mental hospital located in eastern Washington State. The hospital building is now being renovated, and turned into a school to help juvenile offenders rehabilitate. As students and staff arrive, Helen is surprised to discover that some of them -- a teacher named Allan and students Daniel, Mickey, and Serena -- can see her. Allan thinks having a ghost observing the students could be helpful. Helen isn't so sure. A vicious attack makes Helen realize that the staff have failed the students. As Serena falls into deeper danger, Helen will do everything she can to protect her only friend. This dense novel has much to like; the well-worn ghost concept is modernized through the juvenile rehabilitation school setting and a subplot involving illegal medical testing on the students. Characters like Helen, Serena, and Allan are well-drawn, although the villains like Beck and Harper are rather cookie-cutter. Frequent run-on sentences create confusion and unnecessary tangents slow down the otherwise excellent pacing. Chapters from Allan's perspective in particular spell out the action a little too much, and Helen's unresolved fate makes the story feel unfinished. These flaws aside, this author has a very good grasp on how to create a well-paced story, and the originality of the plot and the interesting characters keeps the reader engaged until the end.

Let me just say—this reviewer is exactly right... My earlier drafts DO have run on sentences, and I DO have trouble rounding out my villains! (though there is no evidence i know how to eradicate tangents) It is nice to have some constructive direction to work. And I will work it...


I sent my AGENT the world's least traditional query last night, too... I explained this dilemma... not being DONE, but being far enough I don't want to be unrepresented on the off chance I go farther. I'm sure there are perfectly done works more likely to win... but I was sure there were more done works that would beat me THIS round too...

Besides, agent and I needed to have 'the chat'--does she even LIKE YA that is this edgy? Some YA reps want sweet love stories... some want cool fantasy. I write the lousy CRAP life includes if you have too large a dose of reality. I don't have the imagination for fantasy or the patience for sweet ( poo on sweet, I say--POO!). I have a master's degree in psychology and like to watch TV shows like Breaking Bad, where good people are pushed into bad stuff by circumstances. I like my characters thoroughly damaged... it's just the way I roll... So I just thought it was time to have 'the talk' so I know if I should hold out hope, or whether I should plan on querying when this is cleaned.


And... Because I am entered in Round of Words in 80 Days: My UPDATE:

I am not DONE with my line edits of my Garden Cozy, but will be by Saturday, which was my deadline (win!)
My progress on Garden Cozy #2 has been SLOW, but once May rolls around, I plan to treat it like a WriMo until it is done... so it will be done...
AND the query letter to agent was on my list.

So I am good on my goals! YAY!

And finally, I got some serious blog love yesterday. I was FEATURED by a new reader and she was so NICE to me!!! So go check out San's Informed Sharing!


If you want to read, I am entry #19

Happy Hing Day, Friends!

Verifiable!

Or maybe that is certifiable.... Whatever the case, through this blogging A to Z, though most people have turned off word verification (thank you, much appreciated!) a few have left it on... Now I believe this is mostly a newbie nervousness thing... not wanting spam, etc. when in reality, I don't think the WV makes much difference in the amount of spam a person gets.  I've had a couple repeat spammers that have caused most of the nearly negligible problem, but I've blocked both and so spam is really rare, and more notably, no more AT ALL than when I had WV turned on.  Word verification makes it so the page has to load an extra time...

That said, I've decided to take the opportunity to amuse you. I've written down several of the word verification words I've gotten this month and made up definitions...


Artomi: my art. With a pretentious French accent.

Entheed: what you should do if a tree starts walking.

Fracy: fancy and racy at the same time!

Hydinge: when it’s more than just a little dingy.

Nuckedi: When you are naked and playing in the mud, you get good and Nuckedi.

Obbledle: It’s like when you are yodeling, but want to be more obvious about it.

Ombeadsm: someone who advocates for jewelry makers.

Pexie: A very buff pixie.

Pholly: what happens to big fat elves who need pharmaceuticals to be happy.

I mean the little girl, if that's not clear

Queuti: When the cutie is waiting in line.

Retembo: what they will call Rambo when he goes on disability.

Sychemeg: what you do to your gullible friend.



And then some time later today:  Victory or Victim?  I will update when I learn if I passed on in ABNA or not. They announce semi-finalists today (the last two announcements have been around 1:30 EST)

I made the list!!!! (Though I'm not sure when it is I will breathe again)

If you want to read, I am entry #19

Umbilical

NoNo last summer at her friend's Quincenero

Sixteen years ago today, I became a mom for the first time. Life changing experience would hardly cut it. There is nothing so humbling, so frustrating, or so rewarding as parenting. And this particular child has not been without her own set of special challenges. I think though, I will give you some darned cute stories instead of kvetching on her birthday.

1st story:  I was REALLY good when she was little. I didn't yell. (we didn't eat junk, I didn't swear--no commercial TV)... but we had a puppy with anxiety issues. When we'd leave, he would chew up stuff... like... you know... couches... He would strew garbage from one end of the kitchen to the other... so the 'no yelling thing' had a limit...

Henry (best dog ever)

NoNo, when I was getting her ready for bed one night, was unhappy to be going to bed, so when I picked her up and said 'let's get your pajamas on' her response was “You're a dumb dog.”

Yup... that is what she'd learned someone said when they were really mad (she was two)


Second story... (about the same age)  I didn't go out much... I didn't wear make-up often... but one night I had a work party and so I was dressing up. I picked her up when I was almost ready and she scrunched her face. I said 'what's the matter?' and she pointed. “What's that?” “it's make-up. Don't you like it?” She shook her head and said, “It's too spicy.”

I love that she could always exactly express herself, even when she didn't have the words for it.


Happy Birthday NoNo! I love you!

Unnerved

So tomorrow is the next ABNA cut. I don't expect to make it, but I am nervous nonetheless. I'm having a great time getting to know my fellow ABNAers better, and many of them have been out for a while, so in or out doesn't matter on THAT front. It's not like they are going to kick me out of the social circle. But at the same time, semi-finalist status would change some stuff. I think that is when people NOT participating or friends with someone participating will start to pay attention. And MAN, I'd love a little attention.

That said, I've been clear all along that Kahlotus Disposal Site is not as polished as I'd like it to be. I DO think, though, that it is ultimately salable. And I am excited to see the feedback I get on it from the Publisher's Weekly review. (real, professional feedback—an AMAZING prize)

I mean seriously--the underwear ruin this picture

Underwear

Let's break this down. Wear—after a word, this implies it is what you wear to do that thing. Un—this prefix makes something not so anymore. So obviously underwear is what you wear if you want to stop being a Der. If you were NEVER a Der, it is not necessary.

Say it with me. Pants are evil! Down with Pants!