Thursday, January 13, 2011

What Tart Wants

The following should be (said and) sung to Veruca Salt's 'I Want it Now'

Suspense! Thrillers!
I want a plot to send my book to auction!

At least two a year I say

And by the way

I want a contract.

A series contract!

(you can sing now)
Great fans with love rants and minions with no pants
A movie by Van Zant

I want them NOW!!

I want a signing!
A book release party!
Where people get frisky with belly shot whisky
Let Johnny Depp kiss me
Give it to me
Rrhh rhhh

I want the world
I want the whole world
I want to make it where everyone's naked
And nobody fakes it
Give it to me

I want today
I want tomorrow
I want to see everyone likes to read
All my books, they agree!

I want an island that's always fiesta
Cabana boys dancing
And if they're not here when I wake from siesta
I'll savor my fancy

I want the works
I want the whole works
Presents and prizes and sweets and surprises
Of all shapes and sizes
And now
Don't care how
I want it now
Don't care how
I want it now

So thank you for sharing my insanity and everything...

Verbal Content CHANGED by Hart Johnson from original lyrics in the Willie Wonka movie (and they may or may not have originally been in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl (who rocks)
Veruca Salt image posted at the Huffington Post, from the Movie Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
And here I already threaten my resolve... this is the best Johnny Depp kiss I could find and I ONLY found it on somebody's MySpace Page... but I couldn't NOT, and it is obviously from a MOVIE...
Brent VanZant When a search for VanZant (Gus) pops up something like this, I really can't be expected to resist, can I? Oh, Brent... You are ALWAYS welcome on my island...
This blog originally appeared at Confessions of a Watery Tart

Happy Naked Delusional Thursday my friends!!!


Cold As Heaven said...

Roald Dahl wa one of my favorites when I was a kid, and more recently, I have enjoyed re-reading som of the books with the kids, like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ... and I think I wont mention gods today >:D

Cold As Heaven

Cold As Heaven said...

Damn, sorry about all the typos. I was just a little bit too quick, not illiterate >:)

Cold As Heaven

Jennifer Hillier said...

I want what you want! :)

Jessica Bell said...

HAHAHAHAHA! I can't believe you posted this today. I wrote a post about being naked today too :o) I even asked for you input. LOLOL!!!! Oh! Can I have a johnny depp kiss too???

Simon C. Larter said...

Are we being delusional today? Oh! Well, in that case, I want the drafts and edits of both novels finished up by tomorrow, agents cage-fighting to represent me, all five Big Five publishers bidding at auction for my work, and Scarlett Johanssen. Okay, maybe not Scarlett Johanssen, since my wife might have something to say about that and we don't have space in my house for her anyway. Maybe she could just come over for dinner?

M.J. Nicholls said...

May all your screams come true.

Hart Johnson said...

CaH--I really wish I'd had Dahl exposure as a kid. I didn't read any until I had kids of my own, but I love him. (and yes... we probably got the God thing out of our system -teehee-)

Jennifer-I know, right?

Jessica--too funny! I like that if your readers come check me out they get a nice dose of madness... that pleases me.

Simon-sounds like an excellent plan! IT'S YOURS! (and you KNOW the kind of power I have)

Thank you, Mark!

Deb and Barbara said...

I love that song -- and your new lyrics. Maybe I can adopt it as my theme song too????
The Middle Ages

Carol Kilgore said...

Delusional Day ... the photos woke me right up. Then I had a hard time concentrating on the text. I may be back to look again later :)

Old Kitty said...

I want to join the temple of Nakedness now please!! Thank you! Take care

Jennee said...

Haha that was fantastic! Suddenly I feel inspired to change the lyrics to Backstreet Boys, "I want it that way" or was that Nsync?

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

Good job with the lyrics! Ha!

I want more TIME. (Now *I'm* being delusional!)

Colene Murphy said...

I want to live in Hart world!!!
So funny, on the new lyrics! Brilliant!!

Hart Johnson said...

Barbara-happy to share!

Carol-teehee--I'm evil that way sometimes...


Jennee--GO FOR IT!

Elizabeth-I know! Where does it GO!

Hart Johnson said...

Ha! Colene, you snuck in here! Plenty of room for all!

Holly Ruggiero said...

I want you to have it now too! Then I'll follow!

VR Barkowski said...

Beautiful sentiment and *fabulous* revised lyrics, but I prefer Queen's take to Veruca Salt's. Veruca is a bit too parochial. I like to think BIG, esp. on Naked Thursdays.

Terry Odell said...

Well, I want all that too. I'll flip you for it. Or would you share?

Terry's Place
Romance with a Twist--of Mystery

gideon 86 said...

You are TOO FUNNY!

Lyrics are hysterical... I WANT TOO! You have a fascinating world Hart, but Where's Harry Potter in all of this?

Have you forgotten him?


Talli Roland said...

Oh, I love these lyrics! And delusions! I'd like my Kindle Uk rank to be #1 next time I check. It can happen, right?

LTM said...

hmm... another fancy disclaimer... :D I like all of those wants. I want them too. Perhaps we could learn to sing it in harmony~ :D <3

Cheeseboy said...

I'm with you on the contract, but I just couldn't write THAT much. I'd prefer a contract writing for Conan.

LTM said...

omg--OK, so I finally went back and read Monday's post and NOW I understand...

mumble mumble mumble... I've been reading LEGACY!!! :D

Anyway, well! this is a good thing~ :D <3

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I can picture you doing that, Hart.
And your disclaimers are getting even more creative.

Liz said...

I want a world where craft beer outsells macros, Sam Calagione sends me sexy texts regularly 'cause he just cannot resist, enough supply to meet my ever growing demand, someone to manage the Tap Room so I can get back to writing (and selling more beer), oh and a 6 head Maheen bottler with labeler, 4 new lagering tanks and 2 new $40k each clad and jacketed fermentors..............and all the stuff YOU want too Tart! cheers! check out my latest rant on the beer wench blog.

The Golden Eagle said...

LOL. Love the way you changed the lyrics!

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Hey! Johnny Depp never showed up at my book release parties.

Lisa Potts said...

Wonderful! I confess that I always had a soft spot for Veruca. Of all the golden ticket holders, she's the one that reminds me the most of my youngest (someone help me, please).