So while I have spent much of the last month giving a careful read to Azalea Assault (as had Helena Soister—THANK YOU!), which had arrived back with copyeditor markings every which way, I only began Friday (and then proceeded to spend all day FOR THREE FREAKING DAYS) carefully accepting, barely tweaking and occasionally adding, explaining or changing things in my manuscript. A slow process... like 10 pages an hour slow. And I've reached a conclusion.
Say it with me (five times fast) Bumbling Bunch of Belligerent Baboons.
That is obviously who wrote this... or what I am... or something. I lack competence on every level.
Just to share some of the many things I don't know...
Further: I know you use farther for distance, but apparently am unclear on the other distinctions. I seem to call it wrong every time.
The FREAKING TOBACCO MUSEUM SHUT DOWN! I was looking for a tacky tourist site and SWEAR I found one. Some time between my first draft (and research) and now: Poof. Bye-bye. All gone.
Peg board: A TRADEMARKED ITEM. Tell me friends. What would YOU call a board with pegs in it? You know... to hang keys or something? Apparently Peggy has trademarked it because I can't think of any other reason they'd allow simple descriptor words to be trademarked. Xerox? Sure. Kleenex? Fine. These words mean nothing but the brands have taken over the items of 'copy' and 'tissue'. But peg board? Come on... I'm pretty sure Peggy was sleeping with somebody in the patent office.
|Am I the only one giggling helplessly?|
The book was well written (no hyphen)
It was a well-written book (hyphen)
But what I really feel down on was all the compound words... backyards and backseats and setups. Have I just been padding my word count all this time? Apparently.
I think it may be a disadvantage that I talk slowly and enunciate carefully. I SAY all those as two words. There is a clear break in them when I say them. Back yard. (where the hot tub was) back seat (where the virginity disappeared... erm) Maybe it's just that these words have the IMPORT of two... *cough* [yeah yeah, excuses excuses]
Commas. Okay. I might as well have just taken a box and tossed 'em up for all the accuracy I had in placing these puppies. I mean, I'm aware I have a comma fetish, and as I said, I speak slowly—so some of my characters speak slowly... and pause now and again... and what the FREAK is wrong with a comma to note a pause!? But then I must over compensate along the way, because I had a lot of missing commas, too. Just for the record, Penguin LIKES the Oxford comma, location-of-Oxford-be-damned.
The Em-Dash-Ellipse Kerfuffle: Oi. Nuff said.
So have any of you had one of these reality checks that passing the grammar test to get into J-school (J for journalism) was NOT adequate knowledge of the English Language for publishing a book?