Monday, August 29, 2011

I Battled Evil Yesterday


I put on my armor and got my weapons, and possibly spiked my Diet Coke with an adult courage supplement...

I regret to inform you evil could NOT be vanquished, but I did reduce its army by two compost bags, plus the available half of our city bin (hubby having edged yesterday)... And I learned some lessons... erm... mostly helpful if you are planning to start an evil coup, but never mind. I thought you'd want to know anyway.


The Little Ones Get Overlooked.

Actually, this could work for good, too—look at Frodo. But if you are in a HUGE battle with the nasties, then the little pricklies are just NOT worth your freaking time... so if you have a really BIG job to do, give it to someone really small... He is the one who will survive this fiasco.


It looks like this, but we didn't plant it...
Being Pretty Matters

Oh, I know. It shouldn't. I hate that it does... but in this war, the only large thing I spared, even though it is SURELY evil... was just too pretty to tear limb from limb. It is a volunteer... I don't know what it actually IS... but it looked something like this...


Battling Thorny doesn't have the Prestige of Battling Horny

Erm



The Rest of My Story

So as I battled evil, locusts were sent... or maybe it was a dozen grasshoppers... Spiders lurked... my SKIN was BURNED... I was stabbed (most of it penetrating my armor), bitten—I even feared I'd be stung. I just couldn't persevere... I left the heart of evil unbroken, if badly damaged... I fear a good rain will set him right again and I will be back to ground zero.
.



What Really Happened... or My Garden of Good and Evil...

Okay... so mostly it's evil. But that's my own fault... and probably my attitude. Have I expressed how I hate gardening? And it isn't the gardening actually, which I can actually really love if I only have to spend about three days a year doing it... it is the WEEDING... those bloody, pernicious... in this case THISTLES... (don't they make wine out of thistle? I think I'd be a lot happier if I learned how to do this... surely fermenting these puppies would be cathartic and drinking said wine would mellow my hatred...)

Two summers ago we had a garden... HWMNBMOTI turned over the soil and we planted stuff... it was a lot of work for not that much, so we didn't do it last year... or this... and so we have that NON grassy space... That has slowly been taken over... HWMNBMOTI would resort to chemical warfare, but I am dead set against it... I actually really LOVE the idea of fresh vegetables, but I just don't have the attention span. I am a tunnel vision, obsessive type, and I think from here on out, writing will be my obsession... at LEAST from here until I can give up my day job... there is only time to do so many things well. And Gardening is apparently too low on my list...


In Other News

I had a GREAT Lunch with Michael Di Gesu Saturday! You know... this online bonding thing is such a solid foundation for friendship. I am normally so bad at small talk and awkward when I meet new people, but it is SO EASY to slip into comfortable conversation with people I know through blogging (or prior to this, my Harry Potter stuff). After lunch I gave a quick tour of Ann Arbor and then Michael had to be on his way, but it was really great to connect.

My goodie bag...




A small sampling...
At my request, he brought me Fizzing Whizbees from Honeydukes (the Florida branch), and they're delicious—son even proved they made him levitate. So, Thank you, Michael!

I hope you all have a great last week of summer!!!

21 comments:

Ciara said...

I'm so glad you got to meet Micheal. That is so cool to meet blogging buddies. I didn't realize he was in Florida. I'm there all the time. :) Good luck with the yard work. Ugh, never fun.

Elizabeth Spann Craig/Riley Adams said...

Sounds like a fun visit with Michael! And...yard work. Bleh. It's on my list for today (weeds.)

Carolyn Abiad said...

That, my friend, is called a chinese lantern plant, aka phsyalis alkekengi.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physalis_alkekengi

It can be invasive too, but if you plant it someplace where it can be contained, I'd keep it. The lanterns first turn a very pretty orange, then lacey with a berry caged inside.

And woohoo on the Fizzing Whizbees! :)

Matthew MacNish said...

We did this to my dad's yard recently. It was so out of control we had to rent a wood chipper. I kept thinking of that scene in Fargo.

Old Kitty said...

I was going to say chinese lantern plant!! They're very pretty!

Oh my look at those thistles! Not a good time to do some gardening while NAKED! LOL! I hope you got some sturdy gloves! :-)

Yay for Michael and his fizzing whizbeez. :-)

Take care
x

Hart Johnson said...

Ciara-I think he gets down there with some regularity, so poke him! He can find you there!

Elizabeth-my sympathies!

Carolyn-i hope it DOES do all that--I really like it, but orange would be even prettier.

Matthew-Yeah, we could probably have used heavy artillary, too... teehee

Jenny-yeah, there are few times naked doesn't work well, and thistle wrestling is one of them...

Sarah Ahiers (Falen) said...

well, once you get a veggie garden established, the actual weeding is pretty minimal. Maybe like 5-10 minutes a week. We just do it whenever we go out to harvest stuff.
But, that said, getting it started is always a bitch. so many weeds...

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Glad you had a great time with Michael. Sorry, I'm all for chemical warfare as well.

SP Sipal said...

I love this bit:

"It isn't the gardening actually, which I can actually really love if I only have to spend about three days a year doing it."

This tells me you are a woman after my own heart. Every year I start a garden. Every year it goes well through the spring. Then the weeds hit, the drought, I lose interest, and finally the deer eat it all. Every year. And yet, come next spring, I'll start all over again.

The Fizzing Whizbees look fabulous!! :-)

Carol Kilgore said...

Fun post! I'm glad you got to meet another blogger. I don't have the passion for gardening either. Mine lasts about half a day - usually the first warm day here around the middle of February. Then I plant six plants and I'm done for the year.

Michael Offutt said...

Your blog entries are so clever. Battling evil sounds like it was hard work. Damned weeds.

Mark Noce said...

Great post, I love the mix of nature and writing. I love tending my garden while writing myself. Neat blog:)

Hart Johnson said...

Sarah-yeah, but getting it established means I have to have YEARS of persistence, yes?

Alex-yeah, I think it's a boy thing...

Susan-great to know I'm in good company! I think I'd actually really like having deer eat the remains... we get bunnies and raccoons, but i think our back yard smells too strongly of dog.

Carol-I actually might do better if I had your weather--our short season means half of it never ripens which is really discouraging!

Michael-teehee--Yeah, I was still picking out thistles when I wrote it... the evil still felt very real...

Mark-welcome! And thank you! If you really like gardening, you're welcome to give it a shot at our house!

KarenG said...

Battling Evil, yes, for sure! I often feel like this when I'm out weeding.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I gave up on a vegetable garden. Bugs always got there first.

Nicki Elson said...

Yeah, um, here's what's weird about me---I actually love to weed! It gives me the same euphoria as editing. oh, is that weird too?

But I'm sure the nasties will all shrink in fear after your day of battle and you will reclaim that former garden patch, oh yes, you will.

Sounds like you & Michael had fun! Very cool you were able to meet up.

Clarissa Draper said...

I'm sorry you lost the battle but how cool that you met Michael. I would love to meet some fellow bloggers some day. Oh, some day.

Stephen Tremp said...

Fizzing Whizbees ... no jelly beans with those funky tastes??? I just finished HP Deathly Hallows today. Read straight through the series. Now time to start with the movies.

Crystal Pistol said...

I hope you have since recovered from battling evil. Evil can be a real witch. What with locust plagues and all... Ick! Have a better week!

Al said...

People actually plant something like that around here!
We call them "Chinese gooseberry"
Not certain it is the same thing, but it looks very similar.

Misha said...

Aw it's great that you met Michael. He's one of my fav bloggers as well. Like you. Call my up if you're ever in South Africa. ;-)

Good luck with rooting up EVIL.