Fitness Blah Blah Blaj

First off, I had a string of new followers this week... 13, I think, which is quite a lot in a week that I'm only half sure what I did right (and that didn't come until Thursday)—because hosting Elizabeth was DEFINITELY a good move on my part!--the post with her 18 Helpful Marketing Tips has been linked by several helpful people and I suspect may get hits for a long time to come. Makes me think I ought to organize a sidebar with 'most popular posts'. I believe I have @InkyElbows (Twitter name) to thank once again for part of the spread.  But at that point I'd already added a fair few...

So anyway WELCOME to new followers! (and I now have 96 flags—the most recent is an 'unknown European Union' one—whatever that means... Peru right before that) For some reason those flags make me really happy. I suppose it's because Naked WORLD Domination needs to reach all over the WORLD, ne?

Any, Saturday is typically my fitness day, so... Back to it...


Fitness Update

So it WORKED! (mostly... but mostly sort of counts, right?) Now I suppose I should start with my to-do list from last week, so you know it wasn't a TOTAL success...

Exercise Ball? Erm... not so much.
Weight Lifting? No but... no but... no but... I did some counter push-ups and stuff... (my upper body isn't strong enough for traditional push ups, so I often do them leaned against a counter--the steeper the angle, the closer to a real push-up) so... sort of.
Diet Coke Drop? SUCCESS! I had one Wednesday, but I figure one a week is perfectly reasonable. (maybe even TWO, but I didn't start counting until Monday, so it is only half a week. The point was, I RESISTED 4 days)
Writing down points? Erm. No.

BUTTTTTTTT!!!!! I COUNTED them. And I ate on plan Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, was only a little over Wednesday and on Friday I followed other than the allowance for a couple drinks... it's a Friday thing...

I know. It sounds an awful lot like I didn't do it at all, but that, in a WAY is the revelation... because this was such an improvement (enlightening me on just how FAR I was from doing it BEFORE). And it got me back to where I needed to be to lose weight—yes, slowly, but slow is okay.

My friend Linda (who is a Registered Dietician) says slowly lost weight stays off longer. And losing is better that staying the same (if you are overweight) and it is almost ALWAYS better than gaining, unless you are a baby or child... or very sickly. Which I'm not.


And my own weight is back to my low, so no new weight loss, but I am down 41 pounds since January and feeling ready to now START!

I guess my real victory—And I think it IS one, in spite of only doing one of four things on my list, is that my HEAD is actually back in the game. I FEEL like I am DOING it.

So giving a shout out—last week I have a few who wanted to join in either the HOT SHOULDERS campaign or the weight loss piece... Success? Near misses? Better luck this week?

Delicious and Suspicious

A Book Review: Looks familiar, doesn't it? Elizabeth was here yesterday in all her FABULOUSNESS, and TODAY, I am going to talk about her book! (this, my friends, is called a marketing one-two-kapow! *snort* okay, so I made that up... but that is what we're doing)



The Tart Gets Cozy

When I first started blogging, I was looking for an agent for my main stream/suspense book. I was making friends with all sorts of writers, and I was learning just how much I DIDN'T know about the genres out there.

It possibly is truly beautiful that I first heard the term 'Cozy Mystery' from Elizabeth. Oh, once they were described I knew I'd read a couple (typically enjoyed them), but I hadn't known 'mystery' distinguished this way.

And not knowing, was PART of why I didn't really have a feel for whether I liked mystery or not—sometimes I LOVE it—sometimes I find it dry and boring... I guess it boils down to how much HUMANITY is in there. Unlike CSI, which on television, I can watch with fascination, I don't really WANT a ton of forensic technicalities in my reading. I think it's because on TV I can SEE what they mean, so I can 'get it' but when something is described without a visual, it is WORK WORK WORK, and if I am going to WORK that hard at reading, I prefer a literary book. Give me a dead Russian.

And PI books tend to have such isolated MCs. I like some of them—read The Big Sleep recently—that was decent... there is a woman who writes a female cop in England that I really like, though can't remember who I'm talking about, but the WOMAN seems real to me, and the books involve things like having to deal with racist accusers pegging the wrong person... so it is social issues and such... I just like the tone. But I am NOT interested, for the most part, in the heavy drinking single man PI.

COZIES though, have clues that can be spotted without a PhD, and a puzzle comparable in difficulty to a Sudoku (which sometimes I can do and sometimes I can't, so I keep trying), and CHARACTERS that are colorful, often funny, and have a hysterical mix of quirks and baggage. It is mystery meets soap opera, and I LOVE it.

Delicious and Suspicious

I had a chance to read this little gem early. Elizabeth was truly FABULOUS with some guidance when I was doing my Cozy Audition, and one of the things she let me do was READ her pre-published Cozy...

I fell in love right away with Lulu, owner of 'Aunt Pat's' a restaurant touting the best barbeque in Memphis. Aunt Pat's has been in the family for a long time—Lulu literally grew up in the kitchen helping her Aunt Pat, and now one son works the pits, her daughter in-law waitresses, and her other son has recently returned to town and is helping out with book keeping. Even her twin granddaughters help out—a real family affair.

The book opens as the group is preparing for a talent scout from the Food Channel, who is going to do a FEATURE on the best barbeque in Memphis, and they badly want to be chosen (believe they DESERVE to be chosen)

See... the trouble is that talent scout is a B word that one would never USE in a Cozy Mystery... Shrew might work... her specialty is belittling just about everybody and she treats a WHOLE MESS O' people REALLY ROTTEN... erm... then she dies.

It is the way with Cozies... the rotten people are not long for this world... and then the real fun begins of figuring out whodunnit.

Aunt Pat's in addition to the family running the place has a variety of colorful customers—the old men musicians, the romance writing spinster, the art gallery owner next door, and... (these are my favorite) the GRACES.--One of the Graces is even a Tart!

But you really should just read the book to find out.

Now I KNOW some of you have gotten it and read it, but there are OTHERS of you still waiting for it, so I would LOVE to have a book discussion, but PLEASE no spoilers!

Riley's In Da House!!!

And by Riley, I mean Elizabeth, which might be confusing, unless you know that Riley Adams is the pen name for Elizabeth Spann Craig on her Memphis Barbeque series... And when she and I first started talking guest blogs, she asked what I thought you guys would like, and I said—MY READERS WANT TO BE SMARTER than all those OTHER NEWBIE AUTHORS out there... They want to learn what YOU have learned, since most of us are a little (or a lot) earlier in our careers, and this is now your THIRD book release... (and you know what? She agreed—so in just ONE BLOG you will be smarter than all the other newbies! HA!)

[Digression:  I'd seen the tiny cover, but when you sent the version to upload--that is GORGEOUS!  It'd make a good poster, ye know?] *cough* Okay, back to it.

[Second Digression and BREAKING NEWS:  Elizabeth got notice from her agent of her first and second week sales number, and it's official:  Next book she gets to put 'National Best Selling Author'!  SQUEEEEEEEEE!  --come on, do it with me-- SQUEEEEEEEEEE!  Congratulations, Elizabeth!]

I am so glad Elizabeth agreed to guest blog here, as I've loved all the guests I've had visit, but it is just a little more exciting when it is a friend of yours presenting their cool stuff, plus, my friend Leanne says Elizabeth is the Queen of little old lady cozies. So there.


Welcome, Elizabeth... erm... Riley... Elizabeth! 

18 Things I’ve Learned About Marketing

For most of us, promo is the least favorite part of the writing process, even ranking under revision and agent pitches. For me, there’s really nothing that comes naturally about selling—so I’ve had to work at it. Publishers expect it, and with the competitive nature of the book market today, it’s really a necessity if you want to keep your books on the shelf.

I’ve promoted books from tiny publishers to very large ones. Here are some things I’ve learned:

Send out postcards early—3-5 months ahead of publication is great. Many bookstores do their ordering early. Postcards should have your name, the book’s name, the publisher’s name, the ISBN number, the price of the book, the release date, book cover, and—if possible—a short review snippet if you’ve gotten one.

Bookmarks are very useful promotional tools for handing out at signings or leaving at bookstores or libraries (ask first). You can either design your own on Microsoft Publisher (which comes with Microsoft Office) and have a copy shop print and laminate them, or you can use an online printer like Iconix or Print Place.

If you write for a small or even medium-sized publisher, it’s good to make contact with bookstores to see if they are carrying your book or could carry it. If you’re going in person, bring your business cards. Either write the ISBN # of your book on your card, or have it printed there. If you’re on the phone, ask for the store’s community relations managers (CRMs) or else your marketing spiel might be wasted on someone who has a line at the cash register and wants you to call back later. Small stores get busy and don’t have large staffs. Be sure to ask if it’s a good time for you to talk to them about your book.

Libraries are a great market for writers. Again, send postcards early. Go to WorldCat.org, which searches libraries for content worldwide. You just plug in your book’s name, hit the search button, and find the results. For a listing of public libraries, go to Public Libraries.com. You’ll get physical addresses, phone numbers, and websites (from which you can get the library’s email address).Send the acquisitions librarian an email or postcard with your cover photo, ISBN number, title of the book, publisher’s name, your name, release date, short summary, and any good review snippets. They especially like reviews from the Library Journal if you were reviewed there.


Have a script for calling stores: After getting the CRM on the phone and making sure it’s a good time for them to talk, I usually say something like this:

My name. That I have an upcoming release on ______date for my _____ genre book. Could they order a couple of copies for their shelves? I mention my publisher’s name. I give them the ISBN. While they look up the ISBN on the computer (to see if it’s in their warehouse), I briefly share my good reviews. I have quick summary ready if they ask what the book is about. Sometimes they ask if I’m interested in a signing, so I have my day planner near.

Tip: Barnes and Noble wanted all of the information emailed to their CRM. This was very easy for me.

Tip: Independent bookstores sometimes ask the price of the book, its format (trade paperback, hardback, etc.) and whether it’s possible to get signed copies. Be ready to answer those questions. Link to IndyBound on your website instead of Amazon. Be a friend to independent booksellers.

Tip: Always be pleasant. The folks at bookstores have to deal with so many unpleasant authors and members of the public that it’s nice to stand out in a good way.


Signing stock: This is a nice way to set your book apart from the pack at the bookstore. You should definitely make a point of signing your books at your local stores—obviously asking the manager of the store first (you may even have to produce your driver’s license to show you’re the author.) I like signing stock. My books have a nice “autographed copy” sticker on them, which may make a reader decide to buy my novel over someone else’s. And I haven’t had to have a signing, which is definitely more work. Signing stock is a great idea if you’re traveling for a vacation or work, too.

Book signings—I’ve been to signings where there was a great-sized turnout and ones where I didn’t sell a copy. The most successful ones I’ve been to are signings in towns where I knew people or had family or family friends there. They got the word out about the signing very nicely.

The store will provide you with a small table and chair, but it’s better if you stand unless you’re signing. You can smile, greet people, and ask if they’d like a free bookmark. This gives you an opening to talk about your book usually (“Do you like reading mysteries? Here’s a little about my book…”) This is hard for me. I’ve gotten to the point where I can offer the bookmarks, though.


Some writers have a bowl of candy and other small giveaways at the table, too. I think it’s a good way to bring shoppers over. I’ve also seen authors put their book trailer on a loop and set their laptop up on their table…it definitely seems to attract attention.

There will be people who want to talk to you at your signing. They will want to talk to you the entire time at your signing about their book, that they’re writing. And they will not buy your book…and they will keep you from people who want to buy your book and talk with you about it. The best thing to do is to give these folks your card, circle your email address and say, “I wish I had the time to talk with you about your writing right now. Can you shoot me an email later?” And email them back when they write.

Broaden your signing scope—craft fairs? Art fairs? Festivals? Be sure to check out the cost of a booth. Does your book appeal to a specific group of readers? I know writers who’ve written books where crafts were the book’s hook: quilting, scrapbooking, knitting. Consider contacting clubs and guilds and asking to do a talk for their monthly meeting or to give them bookmarks to hand out.

Do promo as a group. Sometimes it can make sense to pool resources and promote with other area writers. I belong to a couple of promo groups—we take each others’ bookmarks to events, swap marketing ideas, split booth fees for art festivals and even carpool to out of town events.

Blog tours are great ways to increase your profile online and make people realize your release is out. At the same time, blog tours can be stressful. Find out when your post will run…in which time zone. Find out what your host will do to check in and make sure things are running smoothly during the day (no spammers, nothing weird happening with comments, etc.) You’ll want to try to schedule stops at blogs where you might pick up some new readers along the way.

Book tours are expensive, but even a small-scale, regional tour can make a nice spike in sales for your publisher. Popular now is having a name and slogan for your tour (I’ve got one in mid-August with several other mystery writers…it’s the Killer Cozies tour.) Again, you could consider touring with other authors to share costs.

Conferences are great ways to meet readers, promote your book, and network. They are also expensive. Figure out which conferences will give you the most bang for your buck—is there one that your publishers will have more of a presence at? One your editor might be attending, or your agent? Is there one that more of your target reader is likely to attend? Book conferences early for discounts on the conference registration fee and airline tickets.


It’s important to let people know you write books. Acquaintances might be interested in making a trip to the store or downloading a copy of your book to their Kindle—but they can’t if they don’t know you have a book out. This is hard for me, too. It’s easier if I have a friend with me or if my husband mentions prompts me. “Oh, and Elizabeth has some exciting news…”

Rejection continues to happen…from reviewers or reader reviews. It’s best to take whatever kernel of helpful tip you can glean from the criticism and move on. Arguing with reviewers online or being defensive about your book just doesn’t serve a purpose and never makes you look good.


Don’t hand out all your author copies to friends and family. In fact, don’t hand out any, unless it’s a special circumstance. You need all those copies for reviewers, contests, etc. It sounds harsh, but these books don’t cost much—really, $6.99 is barely more than a cup of Starbucks. Practice telling friends, “You know, I’d love to sign any book you bring to me…I wish I had a free copy for you, but those are all sent to reviewers. Thanks for understanding.”


Don’t forget about area book clubs. Some book clubs meet in local bookstores (ask the stores if they have contact information) or libraries.

Keep ALL your receipts related to writing—paper, pencils, printer paper, etc.—for your taxes.
Send out interviews that are ready to print to newspapers. Include a headshot and tell the paper that the picture is copyright free and the interview can be edited for length. Put a press kit on your author website with royalty-free headshots, a high resolution book cover, your publisher’s publicity contact info, a ready-to-print interview, bio, and your contact info in it.

I recommend joining the Yahoo Group, Murder Must Advertise. It’s all about book promo—and it’s not just for mystery writers.

Thanks so much, Hart, for having me here today! I love hanging out at Confessions of a Watery Tart.  Does anyone have any questions or any other tips to add?

Bio: Elizabeth writes the Memphis Barbeque series for Penguin as Riley Adams, the Myrtle Clover series for Midnight Ink (under her own name), and blogs daily at Mystery Writing is Murder. Delicious and Suspicious released July 6, 2010. As the mother of two, Elizabeth writes on the run as she juggles duties as Brownie leader, referees play dates, drives carpools, and is dragged along as a hostage/chaperone on field trips.
http://mysterywritingismurder.blogspot.com
http://mysteryloverskitchen.com
Twitter: @elizabethscraig

Finding Rhythm

(and no, I dance on occasion, but I am not terribly worried about the rhythm part, as anyone who sees me will tell you).

And FYI, Today I am also at Burrowers, Books & Balderdash talking money...

But back to rhythm... Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's a nightmare... I'm not sure exactly what it is, but it is like each book has its own heartbeat, and the writer needs to find that pace and WRITE at that pace, and if you get it down, you can cruise along steadily—the best way to get it done.

It seems more logical that each AUTHOR would have a pace, but I'm not sure that's true—at least for me, I have some complicated stories in my head that require some savoring, mulling... they can't be forced out. My first one was this way. I know there were a lot of floundering halts because I wasn't altogether convinced I could really WRITE a book, but even when I was 'on' I was writing about 2 chapters a MONTH. They are 4000 word chapters, so really I was only writing about 2000 words a week.

I have a second I am about half done with that still SITS half done because another book so rudely interrupted it and poured out of my pen at almost a chapter A DAY. Now these were only 2000 word chapters, but still—do you see that pace difference?

I thought maybe we'd explore WHY.

The Fitness Theory

You know someone who has been practicing is GOING to go faster—is going to need fewer rests—is going to complete the thing in a quicker time.

My first book took me 2.5 YEARS. If I apply that 2 chapters a month to the 31 chapters, it only SHOULD have taken me 15 months... I was OUT of shape, and then got INTO shape. I hold to the thought though, that I never could have done a 2000 word a day pace with that story.

External Pressure

NaNoWriMo is one of these... a FORCE pushing you to go as fast as humanly possible... it is like you are running from Zombies, and the faster you can SPRINT the more likely you are to LIVE.

I was successful with my first WriMo—I think it's a great book that MATCHES that pace. My second WriMo I FINISHED but seems to lack some of the heart I want the story to have—rushing didn't go with the wrenching emotions I wanted to display. Part of that may have been self protective... who can dig out their heart day after day after day? But I think more of it is that it just takes a little more time to get deeply and emotionally immersed, and then convey that. At least for me.

The one that it WORKED for was my spy novel, and that has emotional REVEAL (that largely still needs to be written, I might add—the other stuff is there—that stuff is rough) but is hugely action.

Content

Which brings me to content. I think this is a biggie. That first novel had four different voices—a family—each with times I was in their head—switching gears takes a little work, and I covered every PoV in every chapter, and almost NEVER covered more than one PoV in a night. SOMETIMES I would jump to that characters next scene and keep going... the two daughters, in spite of being 15 and 5 were easier to go back and forth, probably because each had such a truly distinct voice. The two adults though, were much harder.

And then the emotional match mentioned in the WriMo section of course... But what about how COMPLICATED the story is? Setting land speed records may not be the way to write something SUBTLE. I'm just saying...

The ones I've successfully written fast are the mostly action packed... I always try to have the underlying emotions (especially some self revelation or something) but there are definitely varying levels of how to include this, and I think the fast written books have less subtle emotional layers.



So I'd like to ask YOU, to satisfy my curiosity...

How fast do you write? (does it vary at all?)

What is your habit (daily writing, or sporadic and for how long?)

What is your genre?

How much emotion do you use?

How complicated are your plots?

If I get enough responses, maybe I will do a summary on Sunday.

TOMORROW, don't forget to come in and learn the Book Promo Scoop from a PRO! Elizabeth Spann Craig is revealing to MY READERS what she has learned about promoting books at book release, since she is now on her 3rd.

And for anyone already published, Karen is offering to Buy Your Book if you win her contest... bunch of reviewing and publicity sharing goes with that... so you published folks, go see her!

Fool Me Twice

Erm... What's it called when you fool YOURSELF?

I have a missing guest blogger again:  partially my fault... I was losing days again... thinking the 13th was Wednesday, so my reminder didn't get sent until Monday... hopefully it will be up shortly.  Perhaps in the meantime you can ponder these:

 This is Cali, doing what she enjoys most...

And Joel's 'concerned face'.

Write Stages

You know, I have a lot of writing friends who would LOVE to write more... fit in that time for a book... but they are at points in their lives with greater priorities—shaping the young lives and minds of the small people they created, attending college where nobody ever quite has time to do what the coursework requires, let alone a side project, working a time consuming job... maybe more than one of these at once. And you know what... I guess I think that is a legitimate reason that NOW is not WHEN. I guess I ALSO think there is not a reason to think that just because NOT NOW, doesn't mean NOT EVER. And maybe there are some ways to keep us linked to the writing world, so when it IS time, we have our framework in line to jump in with both feet.

So I'm going to talk a little about MY life stages (and how writing fit or didn't), and see if I might come up with anything useful for anybody. First off, I should probably say that the last time I didn't work full time was when I was a full time bachelor's student... I had some money for college, and other than an expectation that I would work summers for my own clothing expenses, I had room, board and a small spending fund—I think it was $200 a month, which, considering I was fed already, covered it most of the time. Some people have to work in college—I was lucky enough not to. Some people DON'T have to work later—sadly, I was never one of these... your story may deviate.

High School/College

I wrote. I wrote a lot. But what I WROTE was what was necessary to maintain sanity in this emotionally turbulent time. I wrote poetry, I wrote letters, I wrote long journal entries... Other than a few 'outlines' of books and a short story class for which I was CLUELESS, I didn't write the kind of stuff I knew I eventually WANTED to write. I looked at it as a pipe dream... like the modeling and acting that I actually KNEW would never happen. Writing a novel seemed that far out of my realm of possibility, but I wrote other stuff.

Now the writing at that stage happened late at night... it was my unwind before bed, when homework had been abandoned. Though I also have pages and pages of poems from the back of class notebooks... times I wasn't paying attention or was waiting for the teacher... or digressing from studying.

Almost all of this stuff is angsty. I was a relatively happy person (it's my nature) but I never felt compelled to WRITE when happy... give me a little melancholy or bitterness and I was good to go.

Post College/First Job

I worked at an advertising agency and wrote nearly NOTHING. I worked hard—relatively long hours. I lived with friends. I socialized pretty much every evening. I belonged to a 'club' to work out and hit a 7pm aerobics class most nights. I met my to-be husband just 2 months into this job, but he worked for a bakery, so had to be there EARLY—it meant we mostly saw each other weekends, but STILL I managed to have no time. It just takes a lot of energy to be a 20-something gal.

Marriage didn't change anything... we still went out a lot.No writing.

Grad School

Oddly, this is when I got back to writing. I did prerequisties and then my first year, all the while working full time as an Uber-worker at a microbrewery—Uberworker because the philosophy was all people did everything... I preferred being the cook. I would joke “I'm not a people person” and I was pretty fast on the grill, so I got my way a lot (Friday cook at the Broadway McMenamins for about 2 years, which anyone whose ever been there knows means I had to kick some burger BUTT). But when I finished my first year of grad school and faced summer... I had a BRAIN ready to go, and no real WORK that needed doing. I began my first novel. I wrote 250 pages (single spaced) of a horror novel based partially in Portland's Grunge scene, partially in Northern Idaho (the 'haunted' area to one end of Lake Coeur d'Alene) There was some good... mostly I didn't know how to plot, but I loved the character stuff... and then school started again, so it got left behind... The FOLLOWING summer I had my thesis on the table, then the decision to have a baby, which left me SLEEPING 14 hours a day. (Thing 1 totally took it outa me)


New Mom

Keep in mind I was STILL working full time, PLUS thinking I needed to finish my thesis, PLUS being a mom... I should maybe mention I was also separated during this for about 18 months, so full-time working SINGLE mom... (you may spot why the book remained abandoned)

I finally finished my thesis when my daughter was 2 and went from 2 jobs (still pubbing, plus a research assistant job I'd done to fulfill the data collection piece, since my thesis used secondary data)... and the Research shop hired me full time... (did you hear me sigh in relief to only have one job?)

This part of my life was INSANE--[physically and emotionally], but I think it also built my stamina—I know I can DO two jobs and be a mom (provided I don't have to housekeep much). It makes NOW not look like much.


Middle Mom

Moving to Michigan meant kids starting school (2 kids now)--the hubby was the at-home parent and I worked, but I had homework and reading duties (and bath) with the childings... so for several more years it seemed pretty busy...

Middle-late Mom

And we've arrived at now... I have taken a bath most nights since my first pregnancy—it helps me relax... I typically read... when I discovered HPANA and got back to the writing, this is when it fit... then bathtime expanded... Where it had been 9-10, it became 8:30-10:30 as the kids quit reading with me—which it remains... I know... sounds like ages to soak, but I love it. I usually Sudoku first to turn OFF the day, then I write...(I also type and blog on my computer before that)


I guess my point is, though I've been driven to write since I was young, my need to have a job (never negotiable), my commitments to school and family... made it so I really didn't have TIME until now.


I think though, there are SOME things, that... had I BELIEVED in myself before, I might have done to stay connected... I had that bath time... had I committed to 30 minutes a day of writing... it would have helped with discipline... finding writing communities to talk to a little—especially some people who had similar obstacles... though I gotta be honest... the time suck would have been BAD for my career (not sure it's very good for my career NOW.)

Carry the notebook... write when you can... lunch, at the park watching the kids... When the identity commitment is made, I think we find a way...

ABSOLUTELY find a place to share some of your work. It is heartening to get feedback—that is why the fan fiction setting was so perfect for me. I would post and someone would respond... and it was encouraging... they LIKED it... I still think there isn't a better training ground for someone who really isn't sure where to start. It gives you as much or as little superimposed structure and character as you want, so you can work on a couple components at a time.

So I guess I am wanting both to VALIDATE people who identify as writers but have trouble making time, and PLEAD with them to examine how they might stay connected anyway...

HA! (see that—there was a point).

Changeling

In which the Tart family has to face that the TWEEN may make some poor decisions. [not a writing blog]

Before I forget though, don't forget to stop over at Burrower's Books & Balderdash to see the image and whether you want to give writing a Drabble a shot!

Okay, back to the blog!

Thing 2

My son has historically been my easy child. (that doesn't mean he's not ODD, just easy) He does many of the things he is supposed to without being asked (homework, brushing his teeth, bathing)--those of you with younger children may not REALIZE you can't take these things for granted—not all children do them without battles or trying to sneak out of them.

We left him alone from time to time starting at age 9, as he just seemed to have a really good head on his shoulders. I should have remembered that at age 4, he was my kid that took off down the street because 'the woods looked interesting'--the one who would take off on his bike without telling us where he was going. You see... he is mostly a good decision maker when he realizes there is a DECISION to be made, but he has lived all but his first 19 months in Ann Arbor, where reality never comes. He has grown up FEARLESS.

A Contrast

My kids were both born in Portland, Oregon—safe, as cities go, but a CITY nonetheless. My daughter was a REALLY PRETTY baby and toddler and as my first, I was TOTALLY paranoid somebody would take her, so I ALWAYS kept her close when we were in public places.

We got to Ann Arbor, wealthy college town without a spec of reality in sight... at a grocery store I rounded a corner as she lollygagged looking at something she was probably trying to convince me to buy. I hear this blood-curdling shriek.

“MOM! SOMEBODY'S GUNNA TAKE ME!”

Oh, the shame of instilling so much paranoia in my child! I was mortified! And I began the slow undoing—we live someplace a little safer now... we don't have to be quite as careful...

Unintended Consequences [this picture was one of my son's profile pics on FB--do not ask me to explain]

So I suppose in UNDOING for my daughter, I OVERUNDID for my son (who had nothing that needed undoing—he was tantrum boy—nobody was EVER going to steal HIM.). And ironically, while they didn't need that paranoia for a decade, I've seen in BOTH kids that it would be fairly useful as teens. My daughter maintains enough healthy skepticism that she has made such decisions as telling the boys who like to take a girl off to get stoned and leave her there that they are HORRIBLE and she is NOT INTERESTED. You see... her paranoia lets her spot their plan (that, and the reputation they have for DOING it, but a lot of teen girls have a 'they wouldn't do that to ME' thing going.)


But Back to my Son, the Changeling...

So he and his best friend, who is a really NICE kid (-->), have taken to riding their bikes all over town... harmless enough, yes? Well... within LIMITS... they have ended up some STRANGE places... Toys R Us comes to mind—it is about four miles away through a TON of busy roads and a fairly primary business district. I guess when I think, 'oh, they are off riding bikes' that they will go NORMAL places, but they don't seem to have any bounds on it.

So Friday my son was at a different friend's house... then ANOTHER friends house... then he was doing this then that... long story short, he and his friend wanted to do DIFFERENT things that night, the friend wanted to go to Extreme Bounce (which my son loves, but it is always here) and my SON wanted to go to the Carnival that comes once a year and sets up in the high school parking lot. So Thing 2 GOES, with a different 'friend' then wants to spend the night... Mr. Tart approves, and we don't learn until the next day that this boy was a BRAND NEW acquaintance from ANOTHER TOWN... holy crap, are you KIDDING ME? How did we let that happen?

So Saturday I pick them up at the mall, drop this other kid at a condo, as he requested... THAT was when I learn he lives in Ypsie (read:  rough neighborhood--though that is exaggeration, but still, around here, it is relatively rough)... The boy had something to do and then was going to come spend the night with Thing 2—he arrived LATE... and he didn't actually ARRIVE. Whoever was giving him the ride just DROPPED HIM OFF at a phone store up the street because they were lost... just LEFT HIM THERE! What kind of parents did we send our son off with on Friday? And what kinds of decisions is Thing 2 making that he doesn't even think that is pertinent information to tell us?!

*wipes brow*

Turned OUT fine, but I suppose we've had a wake up call that reality DOES periodically come to Ann Arbor, and that we need to be more diligent.



The New Debate with Mr. Tart

HIS answer is 'well you won't have anything more to do with that kid.' MY answer is 'that KID needs some responsible adults in his life, so being HERE is a better answer than just shoving him off and not letting him come back.' I'd love to hear what you guys think about kids with irresponsible parents...

Gemini Tendencies

In Which the Tart is Two Places at Once...

The Burrow, at Burrowers, Books & Balderdash, is beginning a nefarious plan tradition. TODAY, I explain it all to you and give you an example, and TOMORROW it begins. In brief, we have a history of writing DRABBLES (stories of exactly 100 words) to IMAGES. Today we have an EXAMPLE of a project we did in which several of us wrote to the SAME image, and TOMORROW we are POSTING an image, and asking you to join us in the fun... So head over there if you like that Drabble thing, or even if you're curious. Come on, I know you want to...


But I am ALSO doing my regular fitness blog HERE... So there.

And for today, I am offering a LIST.


THINGS I INTEND TO START DOING ANY DAY NOW *shifty*

1)  Lifting weights. My upper body doesn't carry the same unsightly BULK as my lower half, but my arms and back are actually capable of great hotness, if I really try. I haven't been really trying for a very long time, but I keep thinking, “I don't want author photos until my arms have achieved great hotness.”

2)  Using my exercise ball. I'm supposed to. My back feels a lot better when I do, so it isn't strictly for the six pack I crave... but somehow making the TIME is just really really hard...

3)  Giving up Diet Coke. Oh, I know—seems harmless, but I think in reality that when we try to fool our bodies, they fool us back—jokes on us... I was reading a comment at Sugar's blog recently from a person who says there is RESEARCH SHOWING people who drink diet pop actually gain weight—and I believe it. Now I don't know if it's because people think “Oh, look, I gave up the 200 calorie soda, so I can have the extra in dessert.” That's possible. I think it's more likely there is some “BUYA! Not falling for THAT one! Coming from inside...

4)  Journaling points: I haven't written down what I eat since maybe... February... See the trouble is I'm pretty good at calculating and then keeping track in my head—ACCURATELY... so that when I'm DOING IT, it works anyway. But not writing it down makes it too easy to STOP DOING IT... So it is time to get back to it.

Now this week hasn't been as bad as last week—I actually lost a little of what I gained—though not back to my low yet, but I am doing the wrong stuff all over the place... I just need to find my core... the WRITING got back to it this week, so hopefully NEXT week the fitness piece will too...

Because I TOO want to have an admirable behind...

Friday Hodge Podge

Been a while since I used that, eh, but it seems appropriate this week. Why?

You win some, you lose some, yeah? I've had a couple victories this week... Part of it just making up for lost ground...


Back to Writing

Progress on the Cozy Mystery took a little bit to get under way after the WriMo (speaking of which, anyone interested in a summary of the WriMo, please check out this post) It is the first for the Burrow's new blog (which has launched fabulously, thanks to a ton of YOU GUYS!)

Anyway... switching projects can take on several faces... sometimes a new project is nagging at you and you can't wait to get to it, and when you FINALLY give in, it FLIES. THIS one though, I wrote four chapters for the audition, then polished and polished and polished. I had written the next chapter, but I STILL have no clue where THAT is. In June (during the WriMo) I managed to REwrite chapter 5... but somehow I couldn't do both. I have at times done two projects, but it wasn't working this time—maybe because the stakes are higher on this.

And then chapter 6 took AGES to force out... but 7 and 8 have flowed... (the ones since the story board... funny, that... maybe it works) I am definitely outlining more closely, but that doesn't mean I don't get beautiful moments, like the Boxers versus Briefs argument Cam and Annie just had *cough*

It seems to be coming together well though—I'm pleased with it and plan to send the first two chapters out on Saturday to the Burrowers who are reading the Chapter By version.

What the heck is a Chapter By, you ask? I have 3 Burrowers reading weekly what I produce, and another 2 reading the whole thing when I'm done. It is backward from how I think editing is IDEAL, but under deadline, it is most logical to me. I CAN'T share the whole thing until it's DONE, and if I wait until after THAT edit to fix the smaller stuff, then I am rushing. If I do it this way, I shouldn't be too stressed over the timing.



Back to WORK

Not that I've been vacationing or anything profound, but I've been distracted and inefficient for a while, but it seems to me that mojo is in line again. So that's something.

My Insanity Where Bills and Bureaucracy Are Concerned.

I also gave in and ordered the blasted unnecessary marriage certificate. You know what? The phone people at the state records in Oregon are a heck of a lot more pleasant than ANY OF THE REPRESENTATIVES OF THE EVIL BLUE CROSS, THE COMPLACENT UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN OR KELLY FREAKING AUDITING BASTARDS. Erm... sorry. Had to get that out of my system. It STILL rankles me (and I DO plan to send a bill for my cost of $32.50 to order the UNNECESSARY document. I can get carried away with making my point, but it makes me feel better)

I also send my monthly power bill to the DTE Mafia (seriously—that is who I make the check out to) and have been known to write checks to 'The Crooks at AT&T. Funny thing... they still cash them. I HAVE though, given in to Chase taking over the world.



And then... because I'm helpful... some stuff you may not want to miss...

Interesting Chance to Help

Wednesday Arleebird posted a couple links to a blog that was being posted by the sister of a man who was writing posts from prison. He is a writer who admits to mistakes but wants very much to turn his life around, yet WRITING requires access to a computer, and NETWORKING requires access to the internet. His sister is therefore helping him out I encourage you to go see what Dan has to say. http://thesagaoftheconcretejungle.blogspot.com/

I think he offers a very interesting perspective on prisons, which I think we could ALL use some awareness of, and I also think maybe we all have a little chance to keep him determined to make this life change.

Fellow Blogger could use help

Lisa, a friend I met through Amazon, has a novel that has made it all the way to the TOP 2 in the Fresh Blood Writing Contest. What I am asking is that you go LOOK AT THE ENTRIES and vote. I believe in her work strongly enough that I know I don't even need to tell you who to vote for... just vote.


http://chizine.com/freshblood/

The prize is a writing contract, and she is SO CLOSE! The deadline is next week, so do it soon!



Super Supportive Buddy Having a Contest

Go http://ericaspickard.blogspot.com/2010/06/wolves-and-seahorses-and-contest-oh-my.html and read and enter—Erica is doing a follower drive with giving away SEVERAL books in honor or her hubby's pending return from Afghanistan.

And finally: A note on widgets and followers and visitors... I LOVE my flag counter—I am at 91 countries (This is the latest—though I am vaguely curious why Guernsey gets a flag and Wales and Scotland don't...) and have had visitors from ALL 50 states—how cool is that? I also followed a link yesterday to a search engine and found a Swedish fashion designer who seems to follow me... how cool is THAT? It is really a strange experience to trace backward and find all this stuff about your blog in a language you can't read. There is this surreal feel to it that is both big and small at the same time.

So that is what I have today...

I hope you all have a really fabulous weekend!

Public Service

So I was just thinking it was a really good day to show a little appreciation for our public servants—but of course you know we can't do this without a Tart Twist... it's Thursday, after all...  Never let it be said the Tart doesn't appreciate the people who dedicate their time, energies, and sometimes their lives to protecting us.


So THANK YOU, brave firefighters!

Definitely willing to let this man turn my crank... let loose that pressure... *nods*

I'm willing to bet he makes getting clean almost as fun as getting dirty.

 And LOOK!  He will even BABYSIT!!!












And we should never forget our police officers!

Notice his HANDCUFFS must be already OCCUPIED, though these are the Policia de Espana, so I should really say OCUPADO... right before I say CALIENTE, I mean...

 Oh, baby... Ready, aim....














And finally, a special thanks to the military, on-the-ground-personnel.

And for the ladies who like a man in uniform... (or rather, half OUT of a uniform...)

And then we have a VARIETY PACK!!! (and there was much rejoicing.)









So never let it be said that the Tart doesn't TRULY appreciate the people watching our backs... and fronts... they can really watch whatever they want, as long as I get to watch back...

Book Release!!!!!

Okay, so maybe it isn't MY book release, but maybe we can just live vicariously for a few minutes... PRETEND it is mine... pop some champagne and enjoy the sweetness of a job well done... erm... even if we didn't do it.

I think several things are coming together here that are making me particularly excited about this one, so I'm gunna go just a little nuts. Here's the PLAN.

TODAY, I am going to talk about WHY this one is special, and maybe talk a little about what it seems like maybe a person DOES, some advice I've SEEN...

July 15, Elizabeth is going to come in and tell all of YOU, most of whom have not HAD many book releases, what she NOW (on her 3rd release) knows that she didn't know the first time she did this (so then all of YOU will be 3rd book smart when it is time for first book release—or maybe I'm projecting)

July 16, because I have had the fortune to READ this before it was released, I will do a review. I'd LOVE to encourage any of you with the means to buy and read it so maybe we can even get a little mini discussion going Doesn't THAT sound like fun!? Like a book club, only you know the author!  And you don't have to drive home, so you don't have to watch how much wine you have... (maybe that's just me)

Found here if you want to order it!:



Why I'm So Excited

After all... this is Elizabeth's 3rd book release that I've been around for...

Couple things... Elizabeth has always been fabulous and gracious and brilliant, but between her 2nd book and this one, what was sort of fan girl admiration on my part has turned to friendship. That isn't so uncommon in the blogosphere, but I more often have experienced it with people at a similar stage, rather than people who are flying already... ifyouknowwhatImean... We've had a lot of off blog/off Facebook conversations—we've even talked on the phone (and I don't talk to ANYBODY on the phone—it's a phobia of mine).

Next thing is... I'm not sure until this point (getting my contract offer) I was really ready to THINK about book releases in concrete terms. I started hosting the author blog tours in April, and that's been great, but even then it was sort of distant. Now it is something that eventually I will be participating in from the author side.


And FINALLY, I've READ this! Now I have a couple friends who are book sellers, and KNOW there are other ways people read books early, but this is the first release I've ever gotten to read before it happened...

So I'm throwing a little party.

I know Elizabeth appreciates REAL beer, so we will start THERE, and who DOESN'T love chocolate? Not sure how she feels about the man butts thing... but who doesn't like a nice washerboard? (public servants even!--and a preview of sorts... but more on that tomorrow *shifty*)


When I used to hear 'BOOK TOUR'...

I had this image in my head of flying all over the country, being wined and dined by the publisher as I met my adoring fans... You know what? Not so much. (Sorry to burst that particular bubble if you were still deluded)

All travel comes out of YOUR OWN DARNED pockets (tax deductible, so... a regional tour might be reasonable... maybe arranging visits at places you'd like to go ANYWAY so the travel can be deductible. I mean... IT IS an investment, but at what? Let's say $.75 a book, you would need to generate the sale of 2000 extra books to justify a $1500 trip (which is only about a week on the road, really). Now when it is my turn, I can TOTALLY envision splurging on the plane trip to Boston, staying with Leanne a day or two, renting a car to go into NYC—crashing with Chary... those are BIG markets, and hotels cost a fortune, but if I could minimize THAT part of it... (yes, I am shouting out warning as to my plans, fine friends--but as much to SEE you as to MOOCH off you). So for the investment of a plane ticket, I probably COULD generate enough extra to pay for it, then I get the tax savings on top...

In reality though, I think the FAR WISER investment is one of TIME. Here is what I plan on doing (says the person who knows nothing—could change next week when we hear from the pro)

Blog Book Tour: This seems a no-brainer. You can write several (many even) posts in advance. While your book is in press look for appropriate blogs and ASK them to host you (I believe STRONGLY this asking will be most strongly received by people who KNOW you, so you also need to be reading, commenting, maybe hosting, yourself).

I think the 3rd party organized thing is fabulous, but I think there is no substitution for a well matched hit. I KNOW when I have guests that the response is best when the tone fits my usual CONTENT (which oddly enough is NOT really a match for what I write—this periodically disturbs me, but I will save that for another time) So ALEX! (Yes, addressing a friend in person because I happen to know he is thinking of this.)--you probably already DO but following and befriending all those Sci-Fi bloggers... GOOD IDEA. You're welcome HERE because you are a nice guy and a good sport and so everyone has seen your name so you make them warm and fuzzy... *cough*

Local Girl Makes Good: This is my Ad background talking. I plan to send press releases to the newspapers, bookstores, and libraries in the ENTIRE REGION referred to as the Inland Empire. In Ann Arbor writers are a dime a dozen. Where I grew up?  Not so common. There is also a lot stronger FEEL for 'one of ours' in a relatively rural place. I have friends and family all over the Northwest, but I suspect this 'local color' story will fly best in the area within 100 miles of Moscow, Idaho. It is a TINY market, but I bet that press-release—offer to visit, personal connection-- flies in that area (and gives me a tax deductible way to visit family!)

Mobilize the Army: Look in the mirror here. I am going to ask ALL of you... will you please make sure my book is on the shelf? Now I am not terribly worried, writing for Berkeley Prime Crime—the publisher who is also handing Elizabeth's current book. But I think with a smaller publisher this might be CRITICAL. I would ALSO ask all of you to help get the word out, which... for Elizabeth, I am asking you to do now... PLEASE Tweet, Facebook share, note in your blog... whatever you need to, to get the word out that a great book is out! Here is the full scoop!

So take a minute to sip some microbrew, eat some chocolate, run your fingers over a fireman... and think positive things about Delicious and Suspicious by Riley Adams, aka: Elizabeth Spann Craig...

Guest Author Louise Wise

Hello my fine friends! I need to start off with the biggest squishiest group hug EVER! You guys ROCK! Our Burrowers, Books & Balderdash launch was a STUPENDOUS success, and you guys are a HUGE HUGE part of that, so THANK YOU! (Be sure to go welcome Chary today!)

New Business: There is a very special BOOK RELEASE today, but I am delaying and talking about it TOMORROW because I want to devote a post, some come back tomorrow to hear a little about Riley Adams and the Memphis Barbeque Series (and the FABULOUS real person behind Riley, who I've been a not-so-secret stalker of for about a year now)

But TODAY, I have a special guest who knows how to get AROUND my disbelief that romance arouses that there is 'no man really that perfect'--you see, she didn't think so either, so she did something very clever... I think you should hear it from her though, so WELCOME Louise Wise!


~~~~~

My publishing journey began when I was about ten years old. I used to write stories and turn them into mini books made from old birthday cards and lots of sellotape! I tried to sell them to neighbours and school friends for a penny, and had my first taste of rejection. Undaunted, I wrapped them in pretty paper and gave them away as presents, so determined was I that people read about The Pony with the Purple Tail and Red Ears, or, The Adventures of the Bright Blue Ponies. Yes, I loved ponies and based my writing on My Little Pony. Original - not!

In my teen years my writing moved on to Boys! The Day I Got my First Love Bite; French Kissing with Boys. These didn't get sent out as presents - didn't think gran would appreciate this teen erotica.

My writing eventually "grew up", but it took thirty years to get my first novel published. "First" novel, in writer's terms, means having ten or so novels under the bed that are so cringe-worthy they only appear good if you've consumed a pint of vodka.

I concentrated on romance, but I enjoyed reading factual books on astronomy. Science fiction novels never appealed though as I don't like reading about intergalactic wars or reading unpronounceable names, but still space and stars appealed. Fly, the alien character in my book, came first. He was my Ideal Man. Big, strong, misunderstood, sexy, good in bed... but the mixture of romance and sci-fi put off publishers. My agent tried to place Eden so many times but failed. I eventually POD published with youwriteon.com and haven't looked back since!

My second book, A Proper Charlie, is with an agent, but if she is unsuccessful I shall publish with YWO again. I'm quite enjoying the marketing side of it. A Proper Charlie is a romantic comedy without a hint of sc-fi, but one of the main characters does have a telescope!



JOURNEY TO THE PAST…

A tale of romance and survival as three people travel from 2236 to the beginning of time.  

Jennifer Daykin joins the three-man crew to explore the newly discovered planet, Eden.  

All was going well until Jenny found herself deserted…

She listened for an answering shout – there was nothing. In the distance, Jenny was transfixed with horror as the space shuttle rose into the blue sky of Eden.

‘No... Don’t leave me here!’

Only the pounding of her heart answered her.

…but not alone

The instant she hit the floor she curled into the foetal position. Finally, the bare feet walked away. A Native American warrior, had been her first thought, but it was his eyes that had alerted her he wasn’t an Indian or even human. They were completely black; black, dry orbs in a battered face.

Ordinary people with ordinary emotions, fears and insecurities.

Only this isn’t Earth, and he isn’t human.

A modern day Adam and Eve.

And then an excerpt...

Jenny plodded along, stupefied. The fingers circling her nape were biting and painful, but she barely noticed. The echo of the wolves’ howling was still too strongly embedded in her mind. Part of her knew Fly was leading her to her rape, and that part of her was going to allow it to happen because the other side was lying dormant through fear and exhaustion.

The corridor was laden with dirt and grime. Animal excrement, electronic debris lay in her path, but she continued to walk where she was urged. His cabin door was open, and he nudged her towards the bed.
While she sat nervously on the edge, he heated a metal canteen over a crudely assembled grill, wired haphazardly to a small accumulator. She watched as he stirred in the same beverage that she had yesterday morning. When it was steaming, he filled a cup and gave it to her.

He sat on a chair opposite, and observed her with his usual disconcerting stare.

She stared back, confused, until her fingers began to burn from holding the cracked cup. She pressed it against her lips, and it was only then that she realised her teeth were chattering.

‘You are not going to survive,’ he said finally using one of the small computers he had taken from the shelf.
She gulped a mouthful of the liquid, and tried to disguise the unwelcome tears that pooled in her eyes. Already he thought her a weak, pathetic female and, for some strange reason, she didn’t want to give him further evidence to think any worse of her.

‘How do you stand it,’ she asked quietly, ‘the endless howling, night after night?’

‘There is a worse sound, and that is no sound at all.’

She fell silent, acknowledging this and feeling her own loneliness magnify. A lone wolf from outside, or even inside the ship, howled. She closed her eyes knowing she would never be able to forget how close she was to being eaten alive.

‘Th-the wolves,’ she said, shuddering, ‘what are they?’

‘Wolves?’ He looked at her in confusion when the translator offered no other information other than describing the canine creature that lived on Earth.

‘It’s what I call the howling creatures,’ she explained. ‘Their noise is similar to the animals back home.’
‘The wolves dominate over every animal here, and I regard them as the natives. To you they may seem savage, but they have shown me intelligence not normally found in animals.’

Note:  blogger commenting seems to be down--please nobody take it personally!  Hopefully they will all magically appear later!  I suppose they are coming through in the separate window, just not recording here fore some reason... hmph...

Burrowers, Books & Balderdash: LAUNCHED

If you've been paying attention (and believe me, I won't hold it against you if you haven't—that would be hypocritical), you might know that my Writer's Group, The BURROW, is launching a group blog today. It is INCREDIBLY beautiful [most credit for that going to Mari for the current design and a collaboration between Jason and Joris for the background, if I understand correctly—whatever the case, in some combination, those three are the primary set who are technically, graphically capable], and the contributors are AMAZING.

There is Chary, high school special ed teacher in New York City, with her incredible insight into life, both the shiny fabulous part, and the dark underbelly. There is Cruella (Mari) who some of you know—Mari is the baby, but you'd never known it—she has been a Digressionista since some time in the late fifties, where her master's thesis finds focus, even though she wasn't born until the eighties. There is Jason, quietly working behind the scenes most of the time, because secretly, he is so clever that if he made more noise, he would be ruling the world, and I think just doesn't want the hassle... or maybe he just KNOWS that when a quiet person finally speaks, everyone listens (he also happens to write FUNNIER material than anyone I've ever known—always the quiet ones, eh? There is Leanne who pretty much knows EVERYTHING. She read a book a day, is a professional violist and inclined to KNIT handcuffs (you heard me). There is Rayna, my Thursday Twin, often our wise compass, as the rest of us go about our insanity, but she (with Jason + a couple more, not participating in the blog angle) are the organized origin of the Burrow (and the reason I ever decided maybe I really could write a book. And last, but certainly not least, there is Tara-- the guide for our first Burrow public project, and is personally responsible for spreading the Taff language across the planet—believe me, you want to learn.

But the Bio Page at the new blog will give you a better idea. There we are in a nutshell, but my main point TODAY, is please come see us!

Burrowers, Books & Balderdash

DECOY BLOG

oops... over shot...

I was scheduling TOMORROW'S post and missed the 'posting options'

The USA and My Mother

The parallel problems of a woman with Authority issues.

I should probably warn you right of the bat that it is likely I will offend anyone who is very patriotic. That's what I do though, stick my foot in my mouth, and this pair of relationships really DOES have a lot in common, so there you have it.

I'm a bad patriot. And a bad daughter.

You see, I don't like to be told what to do. I sort of live my life more along the lines of the Hippocratic oath than any following of laws, per se. Just because it is the rule, is JUST not good enough. I admit most rules are rules to avoid people getting hurt (those I follow) or to help us coordinate with each other (those are mostly okay), but the 'it's the law' never flew with me.

I am of the belief that world empirical domination of nations have about a century per country to run their course. The Dutch had the 1600s. The British the 1700s. The French the 1800s.... and the USA the 1900s. But you see, in the few decades of 'no longer able to make everybody bend at our feet' ALL these countries have behaved badly for a while. It is currently the US's turn.

This is not to excuse it. Just to point out that I think it is the natural course of events. So there are A LOT OF PEOPLE in the US trying to 'go back' to some (mythical, I might add) good old days, and trying to force other nations to RECOGNIZE our superiority, which frankly, we just don't have anymore.

But a girl isn't supposed to criticize her mother... I promise at the end I will try to make some amends. How's that?

But first I want to go through some of the trouble, where I am concerned...

Disparate Desires
(what she says/what she really means)

My Mother
“I want you to have choices!” (to work or stay home)/but under no circumstances are you to allow your partner those choices—HIS only option should be to work. Choice is for you alone.

“You can't count on somebody else taking care of you—you need skills.”/And nobody should count on YOU either. Only inferior people can't take care of themselves financially.

“You are such a strong, independent woman.”/But I'm too sensitive for that, so don't inflict any of that strength on ME.

(about a woman we know who forgave a cheating husband) “She is so forgiving, amazing really. I don't know if I could have done that.”/because forgiveness is something we TALK about being good, but really that just isn't what we DO. It's all well and good in theory, but it lets people off the hook.

My Country
“Individualism and an entrepreneurial spirit are what made this country great”/but now that we're great already, it is time for everybody to fall into line.

“We are the world's melting pot.”/but the fondue is ready and we've started eating, so don't put anything ELSE in there! Anyone to arrive after world war II really is just unable to contribute, unless of course they are willing to work under the table for less than minimum wage in dangerous conditions—in THAT CASE it's just good for Capitalism.

“We have Separation of Church and State.”/but of course presume everyone is Christian, so it doesn't matter anyway... unless someone tries to do something that some small subset of this group finds offensive! THEN YOUR BUSINESS IS OUR BUSINESS!


Compounded by Daddy Issues

My dad was mostly a great big kid. He was too loud. He drank too much. (funny, some people say those things about me). He was macho, and he was reckless. MOSTLY, because he was also good-natured, he was also just pretty fun, instead of scary. But you know what you DON'T want to do with a macho, reckless guy who drinks too much? Encourage him to play with explosives. The fourth of July, with my macho (need I say Patriotic—that is PART of macho in my world—or maybe the problem REALLY is that I see MACHO as part of Patriotic, and macho is not my favorite feature), reckless, drunk dad and his EXPLOSIVES was the only time he really SCARED ME.

We usually spent the fourth at my grandparents' lake cabin, located on an Indian Reservation in northen Idaho—reservations mean two things among the macho... no TAX on alcohol and cigarettes, and no LIMITS on what is legal for fireworks. This addition of explosives divided family and friends solidly into two camps. The safe, sane (boring) camp, and the reckless, drunken, blowing-shit-up camp. Explosions from one team. Shrieks from the other... usually for an entire three day weekend. And when I was a KID, I loved it.

It is currently however, tied in my mind to 1976—US Bicentennial. The fourth happened six days before my dad died driving drunk—too fast on a gravel road—and somehow the sound track for me of that memory, is the weekend of the fourth of July.

Oh, I'm mostly over it. My husband and some neighbors do a group fireworks thing in our street, and I love sitting out in the front yard—talking to neighbors, catching fireflies, drinking cocktails. I may drink too much, but I am NEVER the one blowing stuff up, and I ALWAYS plea for 'pretty lights' instead of explosions. But the fourth is STILL not my favorite holiday.

Back to being a bad patriot and daughter

I really probably need to work through the same stuff with mom and country I have with my dad... seeing the flaws, but ALSO being willing to see the good. There is good. I just have often resisted seeing it. Maybe that is what I should work on this year...

The US has AMAZING and varied geography, a fabulous collection of cultures, enough resources that a good portion of our population has a ton of opportunity (even if it bothers me that those opportunities are unfairly distributed).

And my MOM, gave me a great foundation—a belief I could do ANYTHING I wanted to do—hard work and determination were the only limiting factors. My confidence, my work ethic, my unwillingness to give up—those are from my mom. Not bad, as legacies go.

I need to work on that acceptance thing... the forgiveness I accuse my mom of not having... few things improve if we wait for everybody else to change first.

and so I don't leave you thinking I have no patriotic spirit, please enjoy the following...
Muppet Independence Day Tribute