Wednesday, July 1, 2015

When We Mirror Our Characters: An Insecure Post


Welcome friends to first Wednesday and the Insecure Writer's Support Group!

So I failed my WriMo in June. There's that... but on a more positive note, I started a serious edit of Also Appearing... where Leah Clarence feels like an extra in her own life. She has friends and family but always feels like she is in the background—like life is happening around her.

And then she falls in love... not real love necessarily, but that first teenage wallflower infatuation approximation of love... And he likes her back. And she feels special. And real. And like she is finally in a starring role in her life. And then suddenly it's over, but for just that brief moment she felt ALIVE. Living her life, not it living her... and she becomes desperate to get that feeling back without having any clue where it came from in the first place.

That is me.

I had a hole and my life went on around me. And then I got to writing and fell in love and dived in and was intoxicated with the magic of it. And at the moment I feel like I've been doing drugs and sleeping with strangers to try to get back something I must never have understood in the first place... Well not literally... But the Everly Brothers keep singing You've Lost that Loving Feeling...

So I am hoping this editing process, where Leah finally learns to live life on her terms, will help me with the process of getting my writing life back on my terms.

That's my story and I'm sticking with it.


If you are feeling kind, you should go check out the OTHER writers in the Insecure Writer Support Group.

And I totally forgot I was sharing VR Barkowski's arc winner today!  Lee Jackson from Tossing it Out--VR will be in touch!

16 comments:

Liz A. said...

Sorry things have been rough. I think we all go through those times. The trick is to come out the other side.

Shah Wharton said...

Hope the editing process is smooth (I'm at the same stage with three projects so I feel your pain). Here's to calm sailing passed hurdles. X

shahwharton.com

Jan Morrison said...

I'm going to be your pushy older pal and ask you to reframe that. Did you fail the BuNo? Because I didn't, even though I didn't do what I said I would. It kept me in touch with my manuscript when I would have let it falter as I travelled home. I think, even when we say it to ourselves, that when we say we failed, we are kicking our inner writer. Lean down and give that stalwart gal a hand up. Or move over and I will. You are one of the most rocking chicks I know. Get off your case and on your side. Glad you are in love with your manuscript and I can't wait to read it. Piles of love flowing to you from Canada.

cleemckenzie said...

You seem to have a good story to stick to.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Sometimes our stories become therapy for us.

Madeline Mora-Summonte said...

The process of writing is often a roller coaster of emotions for me. I'm learning to hang on, ride out the lows and enjoy the highs - there are almost always more highs around that twisty curve. Hang in there, Hart!

Karen Jones Gowen said...

I fall in love with writing every time I have a new project, but it's not at the beginning. That's always rocky and filled with arguments.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I hope you can find that love and joy again.

Andrew Leon said...

I don't know. It sounds like that episode of Leave It To Beaver where his old best friend who had moved away comes back to visit and they try to do all the things they used to do together but it just doesn't work. You have to go forward and make new things, not try to keep making the old ones work.
Or something.

Madilyn Quinn said...

I hope you can find that joy again. I know the feeling though. I'm stuck in that hole right now (and have been for a while). Nothing seems to be right with me and everything's happening without me. I guess we both need to just put ourselves out there and get down to it. And write, that too.

M Pax said...

Interesting. I felt that way... a hole, like life was happening around me until I started writing. You'll find your mojo. I know you will.

Helena said...

If you started a serious edit of anything, you did NOT fail in June. But if you've lost that lovin' feeling, maybe it would help if you do what I did: ignore the publishing, professional stuff and just write for the fun of it, and because you want to see how the story turns out, and because the characters in your head keep talking and talking so you have to let them out if you want any peace. This has pretty much worked for me.

Meanwhile, lots of lovin' your way.

Medeia Sharif said...

Wow, I can relate. Many times I felt like life was happening around me, but years ago I dove into activities and habits that have made me feel like I'm truly living.

Loni Townsend said...

You were being productive, so that's not failure! Okay, so maybe they weren't words down, but instead words changed or words removed. Sometimes the creative juices build up and then get expended. You'll get that passion back. Stick with it!

Michelle Wallace said...

You've Lost that Loving Feeling... a great song!
They say art mirrors real life - or is it the other way round?
You are such a great writer so I'm sure you'll get back into the swing of it.

Vanessa Morgan said...

Suddenly I can't wait to read what you have written.